Comments for Child Abuse Story From Cassie1

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Aug 03, 2008
Your friends don't understand...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Cassie, I'd say you're a very bright young woman to understand that your parents do love you, but they just don't know how to show it. I'd say you are an amazing young woman to be able to recognize that saying you hate your parents would be a lie. Your friends simply don't get it. What you HATE is being ignored and rejected by your mother, your father and your Gram. What you HATE is being hit and touched inappropriately. What you HATE is that even though you are honouring your beloved sister's memory, your parents are so wrapped up in the fact that she has died that they can't see enough to give you, their precious and LIVING daughter, what you need. What you HATE is that you have become the parent to your mother, when what you really need is your mother to be a parent to you. What you HATE is that you are torn between the love you feel for your parents and the hatred you feel for the way they are treating you.

Cassie, you may think you've got things all handled, but in truth, you are in a great deal of pain; pain that you don't deserve. You deserve dignity and respect. You deserve to have your parents (and your gram) show you how much they love you. You also deserve to have someone to talk to, someone who can actually help. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if and when you decide to disclose to social services.

And Cassie, don't apologize for the length of your story; it was perfect.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Aug 03, 2008
Thankyou
by: Cassie1

Thankyou for everything. But I can't be that bright. I let my mom and dad and gram think that it was my fault cause when child services was there they told me that I had soemthing against them. That I wanted to lose them. Making me feel absolutely aweful for him coming. and thats probably y I told my mom and dad about what dad did to me. I wish right now that I hadn't done that. That I would have been brighter then. I guess I'm only bright when I write... but thankyou for the comment you made me cry but it helped. I'll think about using the #.. But thanx again. The site is amazing. It helps tremendously. And plz if any1 else would like to comment plz do... I'll read all of them and definately take them in.. I'm sure they will help!
Thanx again,
Cassie1

Aug 03, 2008
It'll just keep happening til you fight back Part 1
by: Andrew Richards

I can totally empathise Cassie- emotional abuse is completely insidious and the worst part is that in some twisted way, with some very sick and faulty logic, in your parents' mind they're giving you the loving environment you need and by calling child services, they're more than likely convinced that "they've done nothing but love you and now look at how you're repaying them".

Mine family were the same- an aunt once justified her actions with a line of "it's not that we don't love you; it's just that we're trying to bring you down to earth". My parents also used to use me as an emotional dump about the other person. I've since learned that they were both very damaged people who were determined to give me a life devoid of abuse- but how could they when they were carrying their own issues. I bring this up because I wouldn't be surprised if they're both carrying some demons that were bad before but now with your sister being gone, they've completely exploded.

Clearly they have things they need help with but they're so in the middle of the mess that they simply can't see it. The sad fact of the matter is that in terms of the family, you're more than likely going to be on your own- it took my family until just recently to see the error of their ways in terms of how they've treated me since I was 6 and for the past 23 years.

But it wont change until you take a stand. Call the number. You're like me- you're one of the strong resillient ones. We get the odd thought of possible suicide as a "what if" and quickly shrug it off. By rights you should have a criminal record and be in a really hellish place in terms of just your own choices, but will turn out being this great person who will seem all the more incredible to long term friends down the track because of how you SHOULD have turned out. I know this because of how you can still see the love your parents have, and you're able to endure it while in the thick of it. That's a rare kind of resilience and something you should be DEEPLY PROUD OF! I need to warn you though- it all seems bearable while it's happening, but not long after it ends, the demons of the past will assail you and that's when the real war begins. The good news is that when you reach the core of that abuse, everything starts to change, and you finally start to know what real joy is.

It's natural to feel uncomfortable about publicly talking about it or that you might be doing something wrong. That's the thing with what I call "tough love gone mad"- when it's all happening, it all just seems like your family life is so normal and regular, so why wouldn't talking about it feel wrong. It's one of the most insidious prisons out there- that's right it's part of a prison you're currently in!

Aug 03, 2008
It'll just keep happening til you fight back Part 2
by: Andrew Richards

You need to tell someone, and ironically if your parents could really see what they were doing and were finding out about someone else doing it to you- they'd be the first to want to take action! But like I said, I wouldn't be surprised if your parents have brought their own scars into their role as parents and it's blurring everything. The sad fact of the matter is that you’re on your own and only you can take a stand to make it stop. Call the number, get out of the prison! You talking about this is right- one day, if your parents love you enough and are brave enough, they’ll look back and be able to tell you straight up that you made the right decision- but only if they’re brave enough.

There are people out there who'll listen, who love you and who care- people, who including your parents, will eventually look back and see the immense harm they did and that it was and is wrong for you to stay silent. You can do this- you can take a stand! You're strong enough and brave enough to do this! Take back your power, make it end! I completely and utterly believe in you!

Aug 03, 2008
Tell someone right now!
by: Francine

Cassie, don't listen to what you so-called family told you; what they said to you is WRONG!!!!!! You shouldn't have to believe them about CPS cuz none of that is your fault; your granny, mom and dad are really the ones to blame.

***Edited as inappropriate by Darlene Barriere - Webmster***

I wish that you would try counselling as well as calling CPS, honey, you are worth getting the help for yourself...remember, no matter how many beliefs that your family has always drilled into your head, I am and will always be on your side although I am not a reporting person. No one should have to live a life like yours has been now, so seek help right away! I will pray for you cuz you are so strong. Hang in there!

Aug 04, 2008
amazing help
by: Cassie1

Your comments are awesome help... I'm afraid to call that number because I don't want my parents mad at me... I looked at the effects of abuse... and I notice a lot of them... that I'm a goody girl... I never want to do wrong against my parents. I want to have approval of doing something first. and something that I noticed myself is that I say sorry ALL the time. The comments are awesome.. Honestly its rlly wierd for me to be on the victim side. thankyou for the prayers and the compliments. They're all a big help... I love you guys. Your awesome. I now realize someone is actually rlly there... not to take me away from home but to actually help me mentally. Thankyou very much!
Again Thankyou for the support,
Cassie1

Aug 04, 2008
To Cassie1:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Cassie, I did remove your email address (no need to apologize). I do have a policy that does not permit email addresses in submissions or comments, because I want to ensure all my visitors remain safe on this site. I am very protective of everyone who visits here. I know you understand.

And I'm delighted that you are offering comments to other story contributors; not only will it help the other person, but you might find it helpful for yourself too.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir



Aug 05, 2008
need advice
by: Cassie1

hey... I thought this would be a good question to ask... but do u know how you can stop telling urself lies? I had like a huge breakdown last night saying that what if this was all a dream.. what if I tell someone and its actually a lie like my parents say... is there anyway to stop this... cause its killing me in the long run... I feel like I don't remember everything that my dad has done to me... and I'm a very curious person... its killing me not knowing... and before I tried making myself believe it was a dream.. I only half made myself believe cause there is proof in my room.. including a fist dent in my door from my dad... so I know some of it is true... but idk about everything... plz comment giving me some sort of advice...
thankyou,
Cassie1

Note From Darlene: Cassie, I know you want support, but there is no way to force or even expect that others will reply to your additional request for comments in this thread. Only the people who have already commented will actually know you've added something here; and that's only if they've opted to be notified via the automated system. That is the nature of this very basically programmed system. I have no control over that. When new visitors to this site read your story and go on to read the various comments, they might decide to respond. But again, no way to guarantee that. And though I wish I was able to help more people myself, there just aren't enough hours in the day for me to do so. I trust you understand the situation I'm in.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Aug 06, 2008
Believe yourself Cassie
by: Erin

Dear Sweet Cassie,

You have been put in the role of caretaker for your parents and your Gram. Your family is aware on some level that what they are doing is wrong. They will fight to not have to realize this.

You have to trust yourself. Remember that you're the only one youo can count on. Write you story down and keep it safe and secret. Then when you react to the stress normally by separating yourself from it, you will know that you have the facts and that they are safe.

Your parents need help too. They are not dealing with their grief. So remember, when you tell your story you are getting help for them too.

Aug 08, 2008
I know all this...
by: Cassie1

The fact is that I know all this... But the fear that I could be wrong about my parents scares me... I know that its because of them telling me stuff... ur suppose to believe your parents and trust them.. I just wish I could trust mine... I know I have to believe in myself to make it through this... I know in my heart I will make it.. What kills me is I could go in front of 100's of people an read personal poems to my sister and write about my sister up on a stage for relay for life... but I can't call for help... Its so wierd... I want to thank all of you though... You guys are amazing.. Somebody actually knows what I go through... and its lots of help to read other peoples' stories and be able to connect and comment trying to help them too.. It tells you that your not alone. And the people that comment are awesome too because I know you guys have my back. Darliene (if I spelled it right) This is an amazing site. You've taught me a lot in just a couple days... I check this site almost every day to see if there is a new story that has been posted or if I have a new comment that I should read. Thankyou very much to everyone. I love you guys!!


Oct 31, 2008
Hey!
by: Cassie1

Hey, everyone. I just got a chance to come and stop by. I decided to read my story again. I've come forward a lot, and my family is beginning to get better. They've lasted 2 weeks now without going out. And my mom finally got a full time job! So everything is really busy. It's kind of wierd to see how much I have changed since I wrote this story, and how much my family and I have moved forward. I'm still trying to work with my family spending more time all together. I just thought I'd update everyone. I'm going to go try and comment on some other stories. Maybe give some help. I'm sorry I haven't been around lately. I've been trying. But you know how life can be. Take care everyone. You have a great site going on here! Keep it up!
~Love~
Cassie

Apr 12, 2009
To Cassie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Cassie, I just wanted to take the time to say that you've been doing a great job with supportive and encouraging comments to others who have shared their stories on this site. It's obvious to me that you have gained wisdom along the way, and that you are turning pain into power by sharing that wisdom. Thank you for helping to make this site an interactive one.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Aug 18, 2009
Through the loving and kind words you sure are progressing in your life of healing
by: Maurice

Cassie 1, you truly are a remarkable and special woman in all you write you let Darlene and her many visitors who have left comments for your benefit. Darlene herself has truly offered you alot of Love and support with her encourageing words to you. You are complimented by her for your honesty and efforts. I read her comments before I add mine because I have come to learn she takes all of her visitors story to her heart and then gives her professional and personal words of love and encouragement as she deems is right for each one. She is truly a stepping stone for all her visitors to seek out the help she feels and know might be the best way forward for them in the healing process. Cassie 1 you are a proof of that are on a good personal road for the good of yourself in your healings from abuse. Good on you. We all have our own ways of dealing with our abuse, we learn from each other and take what might benefit us from others stories. The huge benefit of Darlene's site. Heeding and learning from each one's comment has made my understanding of my abuse no where near the horrific abuse as related by many to Darlene. But never the less abuse. Great you acknowledeg your own beautifulness, uniqueness, Always believe in YOURSELF Cassie 1. I can, I will, I must just for the wonderful woman I am in my life NOW. Cassie 1 keep taking one day at a time building on your own self worth/self esteem with the help of your true and loyal friend (s) A Golden Nugget, a preciuos Jewel for each one of us to have. I always encourage people to have a good mirror image of themselves. So Cassie 1 look in the MIRROR and love the wonderful and beautiful you in it just as you are without all the make up etc. You (we) are our true selves again when we undress the make up and uncover the real and true me in the mirror. Our beauty comes from within and we acknowledge it in the mirror. I'M SPECIAL, I'M UNIQUE, THERE IS ONLY ONE ME IN ALL OF THIS WORLD. AND I LOVE ME. ERA GO ON CASSIE 1 HUG THAT WONDERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL ME IN THE MIRROR

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