Comments for Child Abuse Story From Carolyn

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Feb 02, 2009
I think you DO know what to do...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Carolyn, your family situation sounds very convoluted. If you still live with your parents, you are at a complete disadvantage, since they determine the rules of the house. By the sounds of it, they still exert control and power over you. If you do still live with them, I strongly recommend you find a way to move out. If that's not possible at the moment (perhaps the economic crisis has adversely affected you), what's important is to come up with a goal-oriented plan, a plan that will have you out of that house within a specified amount of time. You need to be out of that house for your own personal sanity.

At 23 years of age you can make your own choices. You can respectfully stand up to your parents and kindly inform them they do not control you, that they are crossing a line when they speak with your friends about inappropriate matters and that they must cease and desist from doing so, and that they cannot delve into your private emails. This means you're going to have to change the way you think about yourself. It means you're going to have to shift from being a victim to being a survivor.

As for "things being your fault", this is residual left from growing up being told all was your fault, as I'm sure you already understand. Your logical mind is capable of discerning this fact, but your emotional mind is something else; that's where the struggles come into play.

You need help to come to terms with what you dealt with as a child and the turmoil that continues to haunt you. A counsellor may be able to help you gain perspective about what you endured, and further assist you with your self-esteem issues; all critical to your well-being. But only you can make the decision to get that help. You didn't deserve to be beaten, or to be treated as though you were the devil incarnate. You didn't deserve to be blamed for the problems of another child in your home. You didn't deserve to be abandoned and neglected by your birth parents, only to eventually be severely emotionally abused by your adoptive ones. What you DID deserve—and still DO deserve—is love and nurturing and respect and dignity. The trouble is, you cannot force others to give that to you. You must learn to give that to yourself. Again, the right counsellor can help you with that. I hope you'll seriously consider seeking one out. Don't wait for your family to make a statement about disowning you; stand up for yourself! No one else will, Carolyn.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 04, 2009
a mental problem?
by: dana

all these abusers sound like they have mental problems......

Feb 18, 2009
How Awful!
by: Linda

Alley cats make better parents than some people. I hope you don't blame yourself for their insanity. You deserve so much better life than they gave you....I hope good things come to you.

Mar 11, 2009
Response
by: Anonymous

You are now 23, a grown adult. Get out that house and get a life of your own.

Why did you not do this at 18, if things were so terrible, why not get a job, any job and move out? Move state?


Why continue to allow them to destroy your life... It is your life, you are in control, not them. Take control and Get the hell out. Even a hostel would be far better than there.

Then when you move out. Tell them why and tell them EXACTLY what they have made you endure for years.

You now have the power to finaly get rid of them. You write of your younger years, enduring this abuse........ SO WHY WHY? have you done nothing to remove yourself from the situation?

May 03, 2009
this really
by: Anonymous

pisses me off! as an adoptive parent i would never tell my child that she should never have been born. my children are treated equally and if anyone tries to differentiate they suffer hell from me!
you are so valuable. children are a privilege. i'm sorry to hear that you did not experience unconditional love.

May 26, 2009
Run
by: Not Broken !!!!

Run! RUN! You are 23, get the heck out of there. Start your own life. Start a beginning for yourself. Get a job. You ae special. You can do anything you want. You donot need them. Run! et out. You can get out...just take the first step to see how wonderful life can be. My foster mother told me it takes alot to improve your life, but it take a second to ruin your life. So you been through the second part, so go for the 1st part. Take the steps and keep going.

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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