Comments for Child Abuse Story From Calindy

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Apr 30, 2008
You were PERFECT as you were...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Calindy, you certainly didn't deserve the hell that was your life as a child. You did NOTHING wrong. You were PERFECT as you were.

It must have been emotionally overwhelming to finally have your father come rescue you after all that time. You felt worthy of love. Worthy of time spent on you. Worthy of a home. Just plain worthy. And you still ARE worthy, Calindy.

As for your mother, sometimes we have to draw a line in the sand in order to protect ourselves and our children. I commend you for realizing that you "cannot surround" yourself with the sickness and dysfunction that is your mother's life, the choices she makes for herself, and the continuous misery she tries to create for you. In your case, I would say that you aren't in hiding as much as you have taken a necessary first step toward healing and recovery.

Journalizing the things that happened to you can be extremely cathartic. Putting down on paper all the emotions can have the effect of releasing many of the fears, resentments and apprehensions. I still recommend some form of counselling in order to help you deal with your nightmares. You're worth that kind of help, Calindy. The best gift you can give to your children is to take really good care of their mother, the kind of care you so desperately needed as a child.

I'll offer some words of wisdom...your past is just that, Calindy, your PAST. Your past can't hurt you, because it's in the past. What happened in your past is over, it's done. Nothing you can do will change it. Your future has yet to happen. You can only live in the Present moment, in the NOW. To understand these spiritual teachings, I urge you to consider reading the book by Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. A New Earth is a path toward inner peace. If you're ready, it will be life-altering.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 01, 2008
Kids, dads and love
by: Francine O'Donnell

Calindy, I am sorry about what happened to you and I am also sorry that you didn't have a good mom; mine, too, went ballistic and abusive after we visited my grandfather in some hospital in
San Francisco at age 11. I am also sorry that your mom brutally cut all your beautiful blonde hair; mine did that to me, too, except that I had brown hair now. Well, I am glad that your father took you back to Illinois because he is so sweet for doing that. I am also sorry that your mom beat up your beloved father and I am also sorry that your mom tried to take away all your children from you. But I am delighted that you are now in the safe place, but you might also want to try counselling because you are worth getting the help for yourself, hunny. Hang in there!

May 21, 2013
UPDATE
by: Calindy

I thank you both for your kind words. I took them to heart and they still make me tear knowing how true they are. Understanding that I am not alone in this fight against Child Abuse.
Since my last post in 2008 many things have happened. I met a man, we have been engaged for 5 years and I am just 65 days from becoming his wife. We bought a house, have credit cards :P, cars and bank accounts that are healthy! I've worked hard for what we have. I however regretfully report that I have not seeked therapy, instead I emerged myself in the loving care of my family. You see, I have my two boys, a supportive ex husband, a wonderful husband to be who has full custody of his 3 children. They like me have suffered the effects of abuse and by supporting them and loving them I have given myself a purpose. A purpose to be a mother to them when theirs isn't able to be. By her choice might I add. Being the mother to all 5 of these children that my mother wasn't to me has been the greatest therapy and its been FREE!!! I've never felt more alive then I do now. I stopped hiding, I placed my name on this house that we live in, my number and address are listed in the local phone book and I have a facebook account, lol if they want to find me then they can, however I know that I am stronge enough now to tell them very nicely that I do not need them in my life and that they are watch me grow and succeed. You see, I've decided that success is the sweetest revenge as I know that my mother will never have what I have and that in itself is it's own torment!
I wish you all the best and I hope that one day everyone who was ever a victim of Child Abuse will know and feel the freedom I have today!
Peace, Love and Happiness!!

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