Comments for Child Abuse Story From Becky

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Apr 13, 2009
Protecting you and your children from the cycle of abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Becky, regardless of what your mother said to your father about your behaviour, whether or not they were lies, it was still his choice to beat you. While I realize your mother used her power to purposely put you in harms way with your father, knowing what he would do, as a full-grown man with a mind of his own it was on him that he would chose to impose a beating on his daughter(s).

As for your father's misuse of alcohol and drugs, it was his choice. He is a full-grown adult; he must take responsibility for his own choices. If he was so unhappy with your mother, he could have left. He could have made other choices in his life. The fact that he would chose to marry a woman like your mother, the fact that he would turn to alcohol and drugs when his life was tanking, tells me there is something in his childhood that left him so dysfunctional. The same goes for your mother. Neither of them broke the cycle of abuse...but that was not your decision, Becky. You, YOU chose to break that cycle; and for that, you should be so very proud.

As for your family, I have learned when all attempts at peaceful reconciliation fail, that sometimes one must draw a line in the sand and create distance from the people who insist on trying to do us harm, even when those people are supposed to be family. As adults, we are responsible for our actions and must take accountability for the things we do wrong. Your parents are so filled with their own personal pain, they fail to see that their actions have pushed their precious daughter away, and as a result, may well have also closed the door on a relationship with their grandchildren. That is their loss. You must do what you must do in order to keep yourself and your wonderful children safe from the destructive ways of your parents. That door doesn't have to be locked, just closed. If either of them find a way around their own pain and realize that they are the ones with the problems and thus must change the way they go about their lives when around you and your children, then perhaps that door can reopened ever so slightly.

Becky, your message about listening to your inner voice is such an important one. Thank you for sharing it, and your story, with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 13, 2009
Recovery
by: Anonymous

The road to recovery can be a long one but Darlene's words about recognising adult choices and adults choosing not to recognise problems and continuing the cycle of abuse is a powerful one. It helps me to gain some perspective in their "poor" choices and perhaps even allow space to even begin the important stages of reconciling their actions so that I may heal and have positive energy in my heart moving forward. Thank you.

Apr 13, 2009
Thank you
by: Bravebird

I want to thank you for telling your story. I can relate to much of what you said and am glad to hear you surviving and stopping the cycle.

Apr 14, 2009
Be Brave. Be Strong Love yourself and your two wonderful children.
by: Maurice

Becky. Darlene as always showers you would loving/caring words for you to think about and hopefully be able to do something in your healing process of your abuse. You are beautiful now at 35 years. Only YOU Becky can make that a reality for yourself. It will be a struggle bu make a start with Darlen's supportive and loving word s of encouragement to. Great you have two wonderful children to live for. So Becky live well. laugh alot and LOVE much. I can do it, I will do it, I must do it. Love me more each day I wake up. Self image, self worth will help you to have agood mirror image of the beautiful person you are Becky.

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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