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Apr 26, 2009
Part 1: You were told LIES...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Ashley, you call yourself horrid names because you believed—and STILL believe—the terrible lies your father (Ernie) told you. And you punish yourself because you believe the lies. You self-harm to relief the pain, because it's far easier to feel the pain of self-inflicted injury than it is to feel the pain of rejection. What you hate, Ashley, is that you did not have what you needed. You did not have a father who treated you with the dignity and respect you deserved. You did not have a father who loved and nurtured you. Instead, you got stuck with a father who lashed out at you when he couldn't handle his own pain and misery. And you didn't have the protection of your mother—the one other person who was supposed to keep you safe from harm—when it was all going on. So not only did you suffer terrible rejection, you were also betrayed and abandoned by the two people who were in charge of nurturing and loving you.

Ashley, you are precious and special and did not deserve to be mistreated. But you don't believe that. Instead, you've taken the torch from your abusers and continue to mistreat yourself. He taught you well. I know what this is like; I lived it when I was your age and older. I made loads of unhealthy choices for myself. I know what it's like to swallow too many aspirins with the intent of killing myself, but really only in hopes of getting out of the pain I was in. Your story bleeds with pain, Ashley. Don't ever compare your personal situation with that of others and minimize what you are dealing with. The measure I use is not one of comparison, but rather, the degree to which you are affected. And you, my dear, have been severely affected.

See Part 2: Scars of emotional abuse... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 26, 2009
Part 2: Scars of emotional abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Emotional abuse does not show outward scars, but it scars the deepest. The wounds of emotional abuse can fester for a very long time, unless the survivor (and you ARE a survivor) is aware and actively seeks out healthy medicine for those wounds. You admittedly lie; this comes from your scarring, Ashley. You said you were an in-patient and came face to face with what happened in your life. I hope that counselling continues to be available to you, because you that kind of "healthy medicine" to help you through the emotional residue you continue to face today.

It's so easy for me to say "love yourself", but right now that's the hardest thing in the world for you to do. You don't know how. You don't know where to start. You were never taught. I can only tell you that for me it was with baby steps. It was waking up one morning and telling myself: Self, today you're going to do one nice thing for yourself. And I would follow through. I learned that I had to give myself my own hugs. Some might say that using a sweater around you for a hug is so sad. I think it's wonderfully comforting, Ashley. Think of ALL the clothes you wear as tiny hugs all day long. Go to that place of comfort whenever you feel the need. Tell yourself: I deserve to feel good. It's a way to start thinking about yourself differently. And when you falter and call yourself down, remember this: I, Darlene Barriere, will ALWAYS see you as precious and special. You will never convince me otherwise. I do not, and never will, hate your "f***ing guts"...I send you only loving thoughts.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 26, 2009
Oh please allow your friends to really help now.
by: Maurice

Ashley, you have friends, a few hopefully who LOve You, care about you, listen to you, hear what you are telling them and know really where you are at now in it all. If you value yourself as being somewhere in all you've worked through, please heed Darlene's comment to you. If you do then you will seriously begin to get to know the real and true you. Don't fool yourself just read and re-read Darlene's words to you. She's truly a wonderful carer of her visitors. She is aware exactly where you are coming from. Please love yourself enough to know that. I'm Special and I love me. Yes Ashley I know that, I believe that in all you've shared with Darlene and her visitors. She's a gentle, loving, caring webmaster steward. Master has slight connotations for me. Ashley she loves God and You.

Apr 27, 2009
1st step we all take
by: Scott Canada

I, like you, wrote my story here and it proved to be the first step in telling myself I wasnt crazy and the stuff really happened. Its amazing how after all these years later we still have to convince ourselves that we were abused.It did happen and thats the truth.Be strong Ashley,I believe you.

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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