Comments for Child Abuse Story From Ashley B

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May 01, 2008
Choices...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Ashley, you don't have the parents you deserve to have. They BOTH should have been there to love and nurture and support you; they weren't. They failed at their job as parents.

But you don't have to continue with the legacy they left you with. You don't have to make self-destructive choices for yourself in the way that they made destructive choices for you. Whatever counselling is available to you, I strongly urge you to take it. You are already dealing with serious anger problems, as is evident with your inappropriate behaviour toward that girl who you landed in hospital. You are admittedly active sexually, which, if you keep up, will eventually lead to disease, disease that could cost you your life. You're 13 years old; you shouldn't have to be dealing with the crap you are dealing with, but you ARE in the thick of it. If you don't start making better decisions in your life, your life will not only become more complicated, you could be paying for those decisions WITH your life. You're worth more than that, Ashley. You're worth making healthy choices for yourself. Start by getting into counselling.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 01, 2008
Same here
by: Francine

Ashley, I am sorry that you didn't have a good family; mine are abusive to me, too, although at least they haven't thrown things at me. My dad is a drinker whereas my mom is a cigarette addict, so I really feel for you, Ashley. You might want to try counselling because you are worth the help, sweetie. I also hope that you are now in a safe place because you don't deserve to go through the way you were forced to go through. Hang in there!

May 02, 2008
Growing up
by: Hayley

Hi Ashley, fair play turning your life around. that judge could have sent you to a penitentiary but he/she didn't. All you have done is shown that person they were right to take the action taken, well done. You're no slut, never have been never will be. You were desperate to feel loved, and to feel wanted and went about it in the only way you know right now. Hopefully your current friends are helping you to continue on the right path. That girl you fought was cruel to taunt you for something that wasn't your fault, and you were unlucky to get nicked for teachuing her a lesson. You deserve to be in foster care with people who will love and cherish you and your brother, not with parents who only care about drink and drugs.

Keep up the good work Ash, you and your brother are two fantastic kids to go through this and will hopefully be proud of yourselves. Keep the friends you have, and if you have a probation officer, which you probably will do, explain to him/her what has happened. Hopefully they will be punished in a more severe way than you are

Hayley has a "room" on OpenSpace at Hayley's (Screwloose) Room.

May 02, 2008
Helping Hand...
by: Elaine Riley

Ashley, I feel for you. I really do. Reading your story reminded me of so much that I had been through as a child... I can really empathise.

Your parents have let you down badly. They have not been the parents you need, or deserve. Parents ought to be kind, caring and supportive towards their children. After all, a child does not ask to be born, and a child has no power over the circumstances in which it lives. Parents are the ones with power and choices; GOOD parents will choose to love their kids.

My parents let me down. My mother had Mental Health problems, and was never really any support for me. My dad was bad-tempered, shouting and hitting me a lot. My mum used to drink, as well. I thought she drank too much. She used to drink Wine, and Bacardi, and Vodka. There were tons of bottles stacked up behind our garage at the end of the garden. I reckon she drank about four or five glasses (or more than half a bottle) a NIGHT. And she was taking tablets for her Mental Illness, which meant she was not supposed to drink! But just like your mum, my mum worked during the day, and she was able to pretend that nothing was wrong...

Well... parents are ADULTS. They should be adult enough not to let their own problems affect their kids. Children are NOT there to be punished when something is going wrong for their parents. If an adult has a problem, they should seek help, before they take it out on their kids...

You've had a dreadful time. But you should NOT have to blame yourself for everything. You have admitted to behaviour which I would describe as a reaction to your abuse, a "cry for help". Maybe you feel you've got "out of control"? You can get this control back, with help.

I "went off the rails" as a reaction to the abuse I experienced, too. I drank and smoked underage, and had lots of really bad relationships with older guys. Most of them treated me awfully, and just made me feel worse. I also had eating problems.

Sometimes, I think that this "bad" behaviour is not all it seems to be. I think that it is a way of showing how you feel inside. It is a way of trying to get people's attention, and letting them know just how much you are hurting. Sometimes it is not very easy to put all your pain and suffering into words, so you "act it out" instead. If somebody makes you feel "crap" you "act like crap" to show it.

But you need to stop this behaviour. It will not help in the long term. There are other ways of dealing with your problems, ones that are less risky and less damaging. You need to tell someone what has happened, talk about your problems. Counselling may help you.

You could also try looking at what I have written about MY own experiences. I have a "room" in OpenSpace on this site at Elaine's Room. It might help! But, good luck in everything you do. You've got many years ahead of you to make changes. Make your life a good one..

May 06, 2008
just dont give up
by: jeremy walters

iv seen results of abuse, drugs and alcohol. im a 17 year old working with the fire department. you should not have had to go through that but it happened and it sucks. dont give up you are better than they will ever be and you deserve the best. i hope someday abuse will be non existing

May 12, 2008
thank you
by: blair

i hope you're with people who deserve you because you've made it through so much and achieved so much. keep at it, and know there are people like me out there rooting for you.thanks for posting because reading things like this makes me feel like my situation will get better. it's not me, it's my boyfriend and sometimes no matter what i do i feel like i'm not helping him enough and i'll never be able to get him out, but you inspire me. thank you.

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