Comments for Child Abuse Story From Arrie

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Mar 06, 2009
Your mother has problems...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Arrie, while what you describe may not fall into the legal definition of child abuse, you know in your heart that what your mother is doing is very wrong. Don't lose sight of that. I am however VERY concerned that your mother would push you onto a sofa and threaten you with her fist. It concerns me that she might escalate with violence against you.

Your mother sounds to me as though she has serious control issues, and that she may be singling you out. But these control issues are about her, not you. What I want you to know is how wonderful a person you actually are. You are caring and imaginative and creative. These are qualities, Arrie, not character flaws. The fact that you were so kind-hearted as to step aside in order to let that other student take the music piece home shows me and every other visitor on this site just how caring you really are. Again, your mother was so busy "controlling" and "raging" that she was completely oblivious to your heartfelt gesture. Most mothers would have been so proud of you.

As for that paper cartoon that you tore into puzzle pieces...that wasn't an "overactive imagination"; that was pure creation. My response to you would have been oh so different. I would have lavished you with compliments about how artistic and inventive you were, because at four-years-old, what you did with that paper was ingenious. Again, your mother was so busy trying to gain control over you that she was incapable of understanding that. I know this, Arrie, because I grew up with a mother almost exactly like that. And she too denied that she did anything to me or my four other siblings, let alone do anything wrong; and trust me when I say, my mother did some heinous things to us kids. Just understand that this is not about you; this is about your mother. YOU my dear are absolutely perfect as you are: creative, imaginative, precious, worthy of love and dignity and respect. There are countless mothers out there who would be beside themselves with pride over how caring and wonderful you've turned out.

See Part 2: A number to call... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Mar 06, 2009
Part 2: A number to call...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You said, "I can never tell or else I won't belong." It is possible to tell someone in confidence. Contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about what you are dealing with, Arrie. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose any abuse. You don't have to do this alone, dear.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Mar 06, 2009
I too share the shame of spankings
by: Scott, Canada

Arrie.....I too know of the shame of spankings.I too share the "secret shame" of bare bottom spankings.I too do not want everyone here to know of it and they of course don't know or care why I am unhappy.I too wear a "fake smile". The things that make my spanking shame a bit different is that they were carried out in public in class.One of the few places I dared to tell of this shameful secret is this site,for which I am grateful. I guess all my classmates(witnesses)have amnesia. I do know what its like to hold back the cries and endure the pain and humiliation.I am sorry that you had to endure this as well.You are not alone.A lot of us know about this and a lot of us share this secret.WE ARE NOT CRAZY!! WE DIDN'T JUST MAKE IT UP. Arrie....I believe you.

Mar 12, 2009
arrie I can emphatise with you
by: Anonymous

not been listene to and being called a liar are probably the two most used words by people I know who were abused especially withing families. I was away in school and while I was abused there I found it difficult to tell my mother (single) that I was being abused. I just accepted as being punished, spanked on the bare bottom as being normal. humiliating even for a child as young as you were being swatted on the bare bottom was not right. older siblings in many cases share the blame of abused younger one's. admittingly they feel helpless at the time but when one is accused of telling lies about what happened and they knowing full well that you are telling the truth is siding with the parent. so I can ephatise with you there. flinging you onto the sofa and threatening you with her fist is not a form of discipline but one of rage. Being a concerned christian has not been a hindrance where abusing is concerned. Alot of so called have punished and humiliated many a child in the name of god especially where spanking/caning them on their bare bottoms is concerned. So arrie accept yourself and your own judgement and name what happened you as a form of abuse that effected you personally. Moving on in your life is letting go of the false thinking about what your Mam did to you. Carry on living your life to the full with the help of friends who believe in you. the true friend will help you move on in your life.

Apr 22, 2009
She sounds like my mom
by: Anonymous

Arrie,

I identify so much with your story. My mother, too, was outwardly the good mother, the Christian mother, and she also told me that the abuse never happened. She went into rages that were just beyond the pale, and then after she would say that I was lying. Sometimes I would even wonder if I was making it up, but you have to be strong and confident in yourself. You yell back. That's not wrong. You are a person--a whole, good person who does not deserve what you are getting. You alone are sufficient for the world, the world will not reject you. Outside your house are people who understand you and would not make you feel like you don't belong.

You deserve your own thoughts, you deserve to be treated with kindness. Never doubt yourself, and never doubt that. "God" is not on your mother's side. There is a little bit of God inside of you. Never forget it.

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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