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Feb 16, 2009
Your life and your mother's life...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Anonymous, there isn't a thing you can do to change your mother. You can only change yourself and the way you view what is happening around you. If your mother finds comfort in a wine bottle, that's her choice. Throwing that bottle away is her choice to make, and only hers. Your mother is troubled beyond what I can even hope to define within the confines of the space here. If her eyes ever open and she wants your help because she's willing to try to make changes herself, then you can be there for her in a supportive role.

Concentrate on your own life and how you can be of service to others who really and truly want you help by using your experience and knowledge. Consider going back to school. You're not too old. It's not too late. Don't allow the dysfunctional and destructive decisions your mother made for you when you were just entering into adulthood continue to control you now that you ARE a full-fledged adult. Take responsibility for your own life and on where it's going. Lead by example, not by sermonizing.

As for your brother, for him to have done what he did to you when he was still a child, he was victimized himself. I'm not saying this to in any way minimize what he did to you and how it affected you. I'm saying that children who molest other children have been exposed to sexual assault themselves, and as such need help.

Your mother wasn't there for your brother, and she wasn't there for you. Her vile name-calling has more to do with what happened in her own childhood and her inability to cope with the residue of all of that; it has nothing to do with you. The fact that she needs her wine bottle for solace and that she wanted you right along with her tells me you and she may have a lot more in common than you may realize. It's quite possible that she sees you as a threat because she sees that you've found a healthy and productive way to deal with what she never could. But your mother will always hold you in contempt if you lecture her on how she should live her life. When you lead by unpretentious example, you provide a model that she will see for herself is working for you. You never know...perhaps doing so will lead your mother to her own revelation. But either way, your mother's life is her business; your life and how you conduct it is yours. I wish you both all the best. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 16, 2009
So courageous!
by:

I am so sorry that those awful things happened to you at such a young age, and by someone you trusted. I can only imagine the confusion you must've felt as a child being forced to do perform those acts by your brother - things that you had no mental "file" for. You were also not supported by your mother and from reading what you wrote - she even appeared envious at times that you were not as self-destructive as she! Please don't minimize what you went through, Anonymous...you have endured alot. Your story is a testament to the will of the human spirit. I am so glad that you've taken care of yourself. Apparently your brother has a history of being molested as well - I hope that he has sought help for his troubles.

Your story has helped me...thank you!

Feb 16, 2009
Wow!
by: Francine

What the heck?! HOW DARE SHE CALL YOU THOSE HORRENDOUS NAMES FOR YOUR BROTHER BEING A PERVERT!!!!!!!!!! They really need help! You need help, too! You all might need to take either counselling or therapy cuz you all deserve that kind of help. And how dare your mom try to make you abandon your much-needed education and make you party all the time instead. Don't let her jealousy overtake you cuz even jealousy kills. I'm sorry that you never had a good family; my brother used to beat the crap out me until he moved out and my parents knew about it and literally chose to do nothing whatsoever, so I understand what you went through. Your mom is wrong, too. You are not a "C-word" (please excuse me for that word so I bleeped it out so no one could see that word, let alone go into the detail since I really hate going into the details and especially vulgar ones); you are not a whore; you are NOT a slut! You are a smart and beautiful person! Don't ever let anyone, let alone your mom, think otherwise! And don't listen to those perverted scumbags either cuz they're probably jealous of you and your ambition and determination to get the best education on earth. Please seek help, keep on studying, stay in college/university and take care, sweetheart.

Feb 16, 2009
Wow! Pt. 2
by: Francine

BTW, I am sorry to hear about your brother getting beat up by your so-called mom althogh that doesn't mean that he should've sexually abused you in the first place; in fact, even your brother needs help. Your mom should've gone to prison for beating him up cuz no one, let alone your brother, ever deserved to be beaten, even if he was a pervert when you were a kid. Maybe a nice friendly trip to therapy might help him. I wish you all the best.

Feb 16, 2009
Keep Your Faith!
by: Linda

I was taken by surprise by your story. Usually it's the parent who tries to get, God, in their children's life, not the child. I'm so glad you have God watching over you and I'm sure he will deal with your mother, after she hits rock bottom. As for your brother, your mom is probably at the root of his perversion. Just from reading your story, I can tell you have alot going for you and I wish you all the happiness in the world and God leads you to it. Hold tight to your faith. God has been my anchor, overcoming the abuse I endured through childhood abuse and my violent marriage...God Bless You.

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