Comments for Child Abuse Story From Anonymous28

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Dec 05, 2008
Conversation vs. confrontation...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Anonymous, I can certainly understand your fears; those fears are residual from the incident itself. But there is also the element of the unknown. Since you don't know how your mother will react, you're left with a great deal of anxiety and trepidation.

It's been my experience that confrontations don't work; and I generally try to dissuade people from going this route. However, if discussing this is with your mother is something you feel very strongly about in order to gain a better understanding of what actually transpired, then you must approach it from a conversational rather than a confrontational place.

There are no guarantees of what will take place during such a discussion; but opening a dialogue with words along the lines of, "Mum, do you remember that time when I was a kid, and the principal brought me into that classroom to see that man about my bed-wetting...what do you remember about that?" And then see where things go from there.

What's important here, Anonymous, is that you remain calm. If you go into such a talk with a chip on your shoulder and full of accusations (as justified as you may be for such an approach), you'll put your mother on the defensive; and if she becomes defensive, then you'll be dealing with denials, minimizations, and even worse, a pointed finger at you. You will then be dealing with re-victimization, which will lead to even greater feelings of betrayal and abandonment. But if you remain calm and open-minded, you might learn something that was not apparent to you when the incident was happening. More than the incident itself, it's your thoughts about the incident that are the most troubling to you. Perhaps a heart-to-heart discussion with your mother will find you thinking differently about what happened. And when you think differently, you automatically feel differently.

Regardless of your decision—yay or nay to speaking with your mother about this incident—I strongly urge you to seek out some form of counselling in order to help you with the inner turmoil of growing up in an abusive home. You're definitely worth that kind of help. You deserve that kind of help.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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