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Feb 01, 2008
It IS child abuse!
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You don't only need to "let it out," you need to GET OUT! What you are living with has already cost you too much. You are 14 years old; and already following in footsteps that are self-harming and dangerous for you physically.

Taking your father on in fisticuffs could yield serious injury to you. Getting drunk will only magnify your problems. Indeed, the more you drink to numb the pain, the more of YOU goes away. YOU. YOU, who is worthy and special and strong and expressive. YOU, who is a daughter any self-respecting adult would give their eye-tooth to call theirs. You are a good daughter, a daughter who has lost her way because of the pain of physical and emotional abuse that she has had to both endure and witness.

You said you think about death and want to kill yourself; you don't want to die. What you WANT is to be out of pain. What you WANT is to be treated with dignity and respect. What you WANT is to have a father and mother who will love and cherish you. What you WANT is a normal family without the fighting and arguing and in-your-face, sometimes physical warfare that has become commonplace in your home. And you DESERVE all that and so much more!

Nothing will change if you don't disclose to the proper agency. Nothing will change if you don't find someone to talk to. Nothing will change if you continue to self-harm with alcohol and with physically fighting your father; I know this, because when I was 14, I took my violent and alcohol-abusing father on. Only it cost me multiple bruises and contusions all over my body.

I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. Although they are not a reporting agency, they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse.

And I implore you to disclose, because you don't deserve to be living in this way. You don't deserve to have to protect your mother; she should be protecting you. You don't deserve to have to protect your younger siblings from your father; that's your mother's job, regardless of her state of mind. By not acting, she is just as responsible for the abuse you and your siblings are suffering as your father is. One of the most important duties of being a parent is keeping your children safe from harm. NEITHER of your parents has stepped up to do their job! Which means YOU must take steps to protect yourself. It's the most self-loving thing you could ever do for yourself. For the sake of your well-being, please contact Child Help.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 01, 2008
Respect, Yes; Abuse...No
by: Francine

I am sick of having to hear such disgusting yet true stories about child abuse and child abuse needs to be stopped right now! You might want to try some counselling. You are not worthless! You are not stupid, you are worthwhile, beautiful, and smart; just don't ever let anyone think otherwise! The only stupidity that I see comes from your father. I'm so sorry!

Feb 02, 2008
its the past, present and future
by: M Gibb

I have read your story Anonymous and the comments.

It is true that you need help and counselling from the right places. But the way you have stood up to your father it sounds like to me he is a weak and a coward of a man who relies on booze and is starting to fear you.

As for your Mom she does have her own mind and can do something about her relationship with your father, but this is what I have come to know myself that you and your Mom, siblings are going through domestic violence with your parents. Been there done that myself, I am 50 now. I ask you please not to get into fist fights with him because you could end up being seriously hurt.

There is one thing I would like to ask with you being the eldest of your siblings. Has your father in a drunken stupper ever made advances towards you with sex?

Try and take a possitive attitude and look to the future by getting all the help you need now that you found this site.

Good Luck and take care.



Feb 05, 2008
read
by: Anonymous

I am 15 and when I was 5 I lived in a unit block in narrabeen. I didnt live there all the time, sometimes I lived with my mum, but when I lived at my Dads, it was horrible. In the afternoon Dad sent me and my younger brother to play with a boy who seemed friendly and willing to play with us, He would let my brother play his playstation and he would drag me into his room and bash me with his baseball bats and other things, one day he hit me so hard I just gave up and fell on the ground, then he would lift up my school dress and help himself to what ever he wanted. He always hit me on my stomach, upper legs and above my har line so my family didnt notice. Another time he made me drink enough brandy that I coudnt see propely anymore, he was yelling at me but i couldnt understand because of all the acohol he had given me, He got so made that he got his alarm clock and smashed me over the head with it and I think I passed out for an hour or so after that. I was so scared of him but it became routine and after a while I even stopped crying about it. I havent told anyone but your story reminds me of mind and I want to leave it wih you. now I have moved and live fine with my family, But he has left some perment scars, at the moment I think I have depression and sometimes I eat as little as half of my dinner a day but I'm getting better. I hope you can get through this patch- tell someone, I didn't but if I had It would have been so much easier.

Feb 06, 2008
Glad you let it out
by: Elaine

Hey, I'm glad you let it out... nobody should have to put up with feeling miserable. I bet it made you feel a little bit better, just getting things off your chest. I know, it can make you feel so angry and frustrated having to bottle things up...

I'm now a "grown up" aged 37 (I bet that seems ancient to you!), but my dad was abusive to me, and it started when I was about 10.

My mum and dad had problems bcause my mum wasn't well. She'd get stressed very easily, and sometimes was very depressed. She had to take tablets , but they could make her very tired and bad tempered. My dad also seemed to get stressed easily, because he worked long hours. He would yell if his tea wasn't ready when he got home, and he expected me and my little brother to stay out of his way and keep quiet all evening while he watched TV. He would yell at me, and hit me if I played music, even in my room.

My mum and dad were very fussy, and moaned about my room being untidy. They wouldn't let me have posters up or anything like that. My mum and dad were very strict and made me work hard at school, we often got into arguments, as they expected me to always get very high grades (anything lower than a B was very bad!).

I argued most with my dad as he had a very bad temper, and never seemed to see anybody else's point of view. Like you, I got into fights with my dad, I even shoved my mum once, and she bumped into the bath. I started smoking at 14, and became a Goth. My dad hated my clothes and music, and we rowed even more. I tried running away from home twice when I was 16.

That's my past... As you can see, I survived it. And you can too. I now work as a Social Worker, I have my own house, and live with my fiance and my pet cats.

It's not easy when your own family do things to hurt and upset you, and I bet you sometimes wonder if it's your fault. I bet you feel alone sometimes... I did. Please don't believe that. Remember, your parents are only humn, and they can make mistakes. But people might have reasons for making mistakes. Sometimes parents have problems; they argue, they get stressed, they drink. Being an adult can be very difficult, and there are lots of things to deal with; like paying bills, going to work, getting the shopping, keeping the house clean and tidy. Sometimes parents get stressed and angry because something isn't going quite right. They can worry about not having enough money, or about elderly grandparents, or about cheating on each other. Sometimes (like me) they just worry about getting old, and not having enough time to do everything they wanted to in life!

That's not an excuse for being nasty to you. You do need to talk to someone abou your problems. Is there someone at school you could chat to, a teacher you get on with? Do you go to sports clubs, or youth clubs? Is there someone there to talk to? Maybe you could try looking in the phone book to see if there are any helplines you could ring?

Stay strong, and take care. Good luck.

Feb 06, 2008
hi
by: Anonymous

You know your pretty brave for telling people. Yes what is going on within your home is deffinately abuse. It is not only physical but also emotional. I am a social worker and i have seen many cases and done many studdies on these types of abuse. you need to find a safe place for you and your siblings and call the police next time he acts out. If you dont then you may become the very person you hate. Overcomming this type of abuse is extremely hard, it is important that you are in an environment where you can start fresh and get the support that you need. You may think you can fight your way through, but the emotional part of it will never go away. It scars and you need help to heal. You deserve to be treated fairly...everyone does. So do something while you can.

Feb 09, 2008
aw man
by: L

this is so much like my life, cept i havent had enough courage to really show him how fed up i am..

cant wait to grow up much?

Feb 10, 2008
this is me again (the fourteen year old)
by: Anonymous

Well I read over the comments and they really good help. Thank-you for everything. I am NOT the oldest sibling. I have one older sibling but she is never around. She moved across state. And NO he has never done anything sexually to me. But just to update you guys. My parents are split now and guess what.... I live with my dad and not my mom. How fun... NOT. My dad doesn't hit me anymore and I told my siblings to tell me if he ever hurts them because I WILL get in the biggest fight ever for them. I love them with my heart. My dad just threatens me now. He says he is going to take me out of my high school activities and stuff like that. I have taken after my dad because I have really bad anger now. When I get mad at my dad, instead of punching him, I punch the wall. The wall is pretty thick and I make dents in it. I almost broke my hand doing that. When I'm REALLY mad I will break things or say I am going to slam somebodys head into a wall. My mom has been noticing my anger problems and is making me go to angermanagement classes now. I am not looking forward to that.

Feb 19, 2008
strong one
by: singlemom

hey your stronger than you think! i believe in you.. do the things for yourself not for others. who cares what they think! there will never be a time when you can make everyone happy!! but you can make YOU happy...

Mar 19, 2008
wow
by: mariah

i must say you are a very strong person. personally i have never been abused but i have had alcoholic stepdads who yel alot. i think you will be a great person in life, you having cared for and protected your family will be great to your own family someday. i know you dont know me but your story put an ache in my stomach and i will be praying for you. i think you are a very srong persn and i care about your well being.

mariah,16

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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