Comments for Child Abuse Story From Ann

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Apr 08, 2009
Issues of trust...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Ann, you have SUCH an important message to share. When we are honest with children, they learn to BE honest. When we treat children with dignity and respect, they in turn treat others with dignity and respect and they learn to treat themselves with that same dignity and respect. When we admit to children that as adults we make mistakes, we teach those children how to properly deal with mistakes THEY make, and we have the opportunity to teach them another level of trust.

And you are SO right: children are very intelligent. They have a type of radar for reading body language that defies any technology out there. Children see EVERYTHING around them, and then have the innate ability to turn everything that's going wrong around them into self-blame for what is going wrong; that is the nature of children. Children are the most loving beings on the planet, and ask only for love in return. I applaud you for overcoming your own brutal past, Ann, in order to provide a loving environment for your son. You have much to be proud of.

As for counselling, although I typically suggest some form of therapy for most visitors to this site, I also realize that not all therapists/counsellors are created equally. We don't see their school marks; we don't know what they did well in or poorly in when training for their professional position. And let's face it, they are human beings, and humans are flawed. They come in with their own biases, and in some cases are just plain unbearable. The trick to finding a counsellor a person can work with is to interview first in order to determine whether or not there is a good match. If the potential client doesn't feel trust, s/he must continue the search, because if there is no trust between client and counsellor, healing will not be apparent.

Although not for all people, "counselling" can come in the form of reading self-help books or it can be speaking with supportive and caring people. And it can be cathartic to simply read the stories of others and the accompanying comments here on this site, and then commenting yourself. The latter is especially true when you find others who have suffered in much the same way you have suffered, because you no longer feel so alone. There is a great deal of power in that, Ann.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 09, 2009
For some more than others The effects of abuse lessen but never go away unless we really want them to
by: Maurice

Ann That should read unless I really want them to.God knows everyone of us who were abused to a greater or lesser degree than others wants the real me stand up to be acknowledged as the beautiful Human Being born. The greatest day in all of our lives was the day we were born. No matter who birthed us or in what circumstances we were born onto. The me person is who I need to acknowledge, LOVE above and beyond all the life I was put through or had to live though during my years of childhood/teenager/adolecent. It ain't easy Ann, The effects of the abuse you experienced will take much, much longer for you to let go of than what I would regard as my mild form of abuse. Ann, having wealthy parents means nothing. There two human beings like any one else and sadly proved to you they were cruel and devious human beings abusing you behind closed doors in the way did and because of their standing in the Community were the hidden abusers of our society. Tragically from Teachers, Medical People, Clergy, and others who witnessed your abuse became part of your abuse because they did not report your parents to the Authorities. The rich hide behind the rich to save face while the innocent Child/Teenager/Adolecent suffers at their hands. Ann you abuse is ever so real for you, the effests of it are yours. At 44 years of age you have tried your very best by seeking counselling/professional help but seemily to no avail. Ann, Darlen's comment to you is ever so honest, woman to woman. She is a gift from on high to you, me, and all who visit her site. She is so honest that if you can find the time with the Man and Son in your life sit down and read it just letting her words of love, support, honest and real to you with real sensitivity to where you are at in coping with the awful abuse that happened to you. Letting Go ain't easy for anyone who was abused. Ann, Darlene is very gentle, woman to woman she knows what the female anatomy went through in her own life and in yours having been abused herself. She know what she is sharing with you in her comment. Take time holding hands with the people that mean everything to you NOW in your life. hold jands and ask Them to help You to say I can LOVE me Beautiful' Be brave, be strong and persevere with them and YES. YES you can say I can love me, I will love me. I can love me. You still have a full life to live Ann. Live well, Laugh alot LOVE much. soothe away those imaginary but real scars/bruises by using cream on them. TReat yourself with tender loving care. LIsten to Darlene. At sixt two, the effects of what I would regard now a mild abuse from the horrendous discriptions visitors to Darlen's site ave related. The effects still haiunt me still, but I've reached a good place in coping with them so there gone before I entertain them. Take one day at a time let go (Easier said than DONE)of tjose terrible years of your 44. You can do it with alot of help from those who LOVE you now.

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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