Comments for Child Abuse Story From Aneta

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May 08, 2009
 Part 1: Understandable anger and hostility...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Aneta, I understand your anger and hostility. I understand why you don't ever want to forgive your father. These are feelings you've earned; feelings that you must allow yourself to feel. But what happens when we allow those feelings to completely overtakes us, Aneta, is that we become bitter and angry all the time. And that bitterness and anger spills out and affects everyone around us. And that in turn affects our ability to have meaningful relationships. And that in turn affects our ability to move forward with our lives.

Forgiveness is not saying that what the person did to you was okay; what he did to you will never be okay. Forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you; forgiveness is for YOU. Forgiveness is not about telling the person, "I forgive you"; one never has to tell the person they are forgiven. It's about telling yourself deep down that you will not allow that person or what that person did to you continue to have power over you, that you will no longer allow that person to control your feelings. Forgiveness is about taking back your power. But one can only do that when one is ready to. You're not ready to, Aneta; and right now that's okay.

Right now you need support, though it sounds as though you have precious little of that. Your mother seems unable to stand up to your father; and that means you and your sister suffer the consequences. It's bad enough that the system failed you; it's so much worse that your mother refuses to step up and protect you from a man who has clearly shown he is unstable and harmful to her and her daughters. What is important for you to understand is that none of what has happened is your fault. Fault lies squarely on your father's shoulders for what he has done to you, to your sister and to your mother. Don't EVER believe that you are to blame. You are a worthy and lovable young woman. You are worthy of dignity and respect. You deserve love and nurturing. You do not deserve to be mistreated in any way. Men like your father are extremely troubled and need help. The problem is, as an adult, he gets to make the choice about whether or not he's going to get that help. Same goes for your mother.

See Part 2: A number to call... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
May 08, 2009
 Part 2: A number to call...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You, Aneta, can make the choice to get help for yourself. As I said, you need support, people to talk to and confide in. Your friends are a good place to start, and perhaps so are their parents, and/or a school counsellor. But you really need to speak with someone who truly understands, someone who can really listen to you. Consider Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you have—and are possibly still—dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors. They are not a reporting agency, but they do want to help you. And you SO deserve that kind of help, Aneta. You deserve to have someone listen to you, really listen to you.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
May 08, 2009
 safeguard yourself and your sister from him
by: maurice

Aneta, No child deserves what you are receiving from your father right now. emotional and physical abuse. your a big girl now and while it easy for me to say please tell some one to do something for you and yoursister whaen the system seems to have failed you. I am sure there is a teacher/or extended family member if you tell them and show them your bruises from his beating that they can help you and your sister. She's a tender 9 year old. Oh please if you can get out of that awful house of pain for you. It looks he does not mind in the least you being heard screaming from his beatings. I am sure there is a concerned friend who can hug and hold you tight and say I will help you. Oh Aneta your story brings anger to my body and what I would do if I was the people upstairs. Aneta, you are not a bad girl, you are a beautiful teenage girl to be loved rather than harmed. Safeguard yourself and your sister
May 08, 2009
 response
by: aneta

From Darlene: Aneta, my apologies for misinterpreting your feelings about what happened to you. I certainly meant no disrespect.

I do wish you all the best, dear, and I'll keep what you wrote me between us.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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