Comments for Child Abuse Story From Andrew Richards Part 4

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Oct 10, 2008
Lost, but it's NOT hopeless...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Andrew, your name has popped into my mind several times these past few days. I didn't know why, until I received your despairing story of confrontation.

It comes as no surprise that the outcome of your confrontation has left you with anguish and hopelessness, left you with thoughts of suicide, thoughts of a violent rampage against those you confronted. A rampage that if acted upon would put you in the same light—darkness, actually—as those who felt, and still feel, child abuse was warranted and acceptable, those who feel it's time for you to "move on". They don't "get" the pain you're in. And trust me when I say this Andrew: it's not that you want to die; it's that you want the pain to end.

Andrew, you are such a deeply sensitive and caring man. You have a profound sense of right and wrong; and you want some form of justice for the wrongs that have been committed against you. Justice that could so easily come in the form of simple acknowledgement for the acts committed against you. I understand that so well. There was a time I felt that in spades. There was a time I believed that my healing was tied directly to my abusers, that their willingness to admit to the abuse and their ability to recognize the damage they had done to me would be the start of my own recovery. I discovered the hard way that I couldn't make anyone do or think anything. I could not, try as I might, change the way anyone else responded. And when I tried, it left me suffering even more. I discovered that the only person I could change was me. Then I learned to question my own thoughts; because in the end, Andrew, all we're left with is our thoughts about what has happened to us. When we questions our thoughts and turn them around, the thoughts let go of us. This I believe is the key to healing.

A woman by the name of Byron Katie wrote a book titled Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life. If you've read some of the recent posts on this site, you'll know that I've recommended this book for many of the story contributors. I'm also strongly recommending it for you, Andrew. If you decide to read it, do so with an open mind. Even if you aren't yet ready to apply her approach to your personal situation, perhaps you'll be ready at another time.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Oct 10, 2008
Addendum
by: Andrew Richards

I suppose I should be fair rereading this and add in that a couple of my uncles and a couple of my aunts have been supportive of my decision, but with the exception of those few, it's been the entire family turning on me.

Oct 18, 2008
I wish I had the guts to do what you did!!
by: Megan

I posted a story about my sexual abuse a few weeks ago, and I must commend you on your bravery to confront those who have put harm in your life. As I said in my story I was molested by a female family member, and actually had a close relationship after the abuse was over with. I believe partly it was out of pure fear of what she would say, my family, or anybody. To this very day we still speak and talk about how things were "back then" and never once mention what happend. What is really sad is I'm still afraid to say anything even though I want to so bad. I applaud you and will say a extra prayer to God to bless you with happiness.

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From Victim to Victory
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