Comments for Child Abuse Story From Amy

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Jun 13, 2011
Amy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The effects of abuse are far-reaching and can last what seems like forever. But what you must focus on is the fact that you ARE on the road toward healing and recovery. Give yourself credit, Amy. You've admitted to needing help and are getting it in the form of therapy. You've admitted you've done things you're not so proud of. And you've admitted to things that many victims/survivors never admit to. Change can only happen when you acknowledge what needs to be changed and why. You are harbouring such guilt and shame, guilt and shame that are not yours to bear. What happened to you was not your fault. Some of the choices you made as a little girl were as a result of being exposed to sexually explicit material at such a young age, a form of sexual abuse. You were exhibiting what's termed inappropriate sexualized behaviours, a behavioural effect of sexual abuse. It was up to the adults in your family to ensure you were never exposed to that material. Don't make the mistake of placing adult values on choices you made when you were a child. You were a child for goodness sake. It was up to the adults in your life to protect you from harm and keep you safe. The fact that you were physically and emotionally abused put you in a position of looking for comfort. You found it through your sexualized behaviour. Realize that this was your way of getting the comfort you absolutely needed at the time, after all, sexual stimulation feels really good. There's no shame in that. You had no power as a little girl, so you resorted to that comforting behaviour; but you can now take that power back as an adult. Stay in therapy and stay true to your Self. Be gentle and kind to your Self when you remember things about yourself that aren't pleasant to remember. Don't beat your Self up anymore. Embrace all that is you: the good, the not so good, and the coping skills you needed to survive because only then will they let you go. Realize that you can't change how you feel, but when you change what you think you automatically change how you feel, which in turn will change how you act. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 13, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Amy, you were given a raw, crappy deal because your so-called dad was so twisted and messed up in his own ways of thinking that he didn't even know how to take care of himself; not to mention be a father to you. He was a truly sick, sadistic, ignorant brute and he should've gone to prison to all those terrible crimes that he committed against you. As for your mom, her job was to protect you from that ignorant brute and she abandoned that job. You deserved so much better than what that sexist of a man did to you; he certainly didn't deserve you in his life. If he didn't want to be there, then he should've had the courage to leave instead of abusing you. The path that he and even your mom chose was and still is inexcusable. Oh, and they are wrong. You are not a f***ed-up reminder to their marriage; their marriage has nothing to do with you; you are a good, special, beautiful miracle, so never believe any of those lies that they were spewing. You are not to blame for his sadistic, ignorant behavior; he is to blame (and so is your mom for not protecting you) because abusers always choose to abuse. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. I hope that you are in a safe place now and that you try counselling.

Jun 14, 2011
What good news: Constructive and Real truth
by: maurice

Amy let this be your new new beginings: Oh yes: you'll be strong: you'll live a reasonably normal live from here on: Oh yes: I see three forms of human being in their interaction with other: Surviving Together meaning we tollerarte all that is happening around us: Accepting our lot especially if it is coming from people who are supposed to love and cherish us equally as their children: Existing: just being not really bothering the rights and wrongs and going through the pain of just putting up with our lot: Then living, where all are one in loving, caring, cherishing valueing, respecting allowing the other to grow in his/her own right into adulthood; Thankfully I get the impression for the past 10-15-20 years there are more happy families then there waas in my time: the younger generation respect each other in build a lasting realtionship with commitment: Sadly though our society does'nt seem any the better for this:
I live one day at a time because I would go mental if I began thinking where this will all end up eventually: Will abuse be even greater than it was of the innocent: Live the now time is my motto: I have had 31 good years since I went to counselling and worked at being true to myself in letting go and living my life to the full: Even today it is a big struggle: Amy the fact that you admitted the truth here on Darlene's Safe Haven Site about what the efects of being sadistically abused and sexually abuse has made you do: Stay in therapy: at 41 years of age you can turn the tide of your life depending at what level you would see you have been living all these years: You certainly were born into a very raw crappy deal of a house,with people who did not want you to be a girl when you were born: Bad, people especially all the men used and abused you: took advantage of your innoncence and vunerability making you suffer unduly from the effects of all they did to you: Therapy will help you: you also need to suround yourself with honest, loving, caring people that you can refer to as your real friends Darlene sure has given you her heart feelings in all that you put on paper so honestly: That's bit is out in the open now; Darlene and all her many visitors empatise with you and congratulate you for having such courage: That is why I say Amy let this be the turning point in your own self belief: I am now the most important woman ever born: I will grow old loving and cherishing my children so that they do not end up in the mess my life has been: Don't blame yourself too harshly Amy: alot of what you did stemmed from the after effects of the abuse you suffered in your childhood and teen years: It was almost impossible for you to change that and help yourself get away from the morass of it all: Amy take one day at a time: live well: Laugh often and love much: being gentle and kind to yourself in the process:

Jun 15, 2011
Think
by: Keiichi Maebara Sonozaki

Amy i know how hard it is for you to live with a father that abuses you but as i read on and saw those magazines he had those were not for a child when you where young. Those are for grown ups only. I know you where a child and not know better, and as i read on and saw you had number of sex with people. Now you have kids of your own, amy. If you tell your children that you did something like that, and if one is looking at you as a role-model i think that the role-model business would be over.

Attempting suicide is not awnser amy, i know you lived a hard life and all but their will be a time for scars in life but i know that'll it be turning into stars, and the scars would heal after those awful times.

Sometimes people who have been abused might want to grab the hands of time, and let it stop. But it can't be, they have to run slowly and soothingly. Even in hard days. I hope you'll understand my words amy.

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