Comments for Child Abuse Story From Ame

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Oct 15, 2008
NONE of what happened is your fault...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Ame, I too am very glad you have a supportive father. Your mother's self-imposed exile is all about her; it has nothing to do with you. Whatever she is dealing with, it's all on her. I suspect it is much more than her catching your brother in the act and doing nothing but sending him away to live with your grandparents. This goes deeper; probably in her own past.

As for blaming yourself for the abuse your brother inflicted on your 6-year-old cousin, that too has nothing to do with you. I can understand why and how it is you believe that you could have somehow changed the course of history had you been there. What you don't realize is that your brother would have found a way.

It does not surprise me that you did not consider what was happening to you as sexual abuse. That has been one of the challenges of teaching children and youth about abuse. So you are definitely not alone there, Ame. As children mature and enter into the adolescent years, their brains begin to develop in a more significant way. But even so, their brains continue to grow for a very long time. Even as a 15-year-old, you could not predict the consequences of your actions and inactions. That's not a put-down; that's just the way the human brain is. I am so glad that you eventually told your parents. It was a very brave thing for you to do.

I hope your supportive father is also willing to get you some form of counselling, Ame. You really do need to talk to someone about what happened to you and the blame you have taken on. You really are worth that kind of help.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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