Comments for Child Abuse Story From Alia

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Feb 25, 2009
It is not uncommon to experience what you are experiencing...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Alia, you are not alone with regard to the way being molested has affected your sex life as an adult. What can happen is that even during molestation the body can become aroused and yes, even reach orgasm. That does not mean that sexual assault didn't take place; it means your body betrayed you. This can happen with girls as well as boys. What can also happen is that the body misinterprets anxiety for arousal. These can all lead to sexual imprinting, which seems to be what you are dealing with.

I understand your fear of disclosing to a stranger face-to-face what you are now dealing with as a result of being sexually assaulted; it's all shame-based. But, Alia, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. The shame lies solely on the shoulders of those sex offenders who took advantage of your youth, your fear, and your vulnerabilities. They stole your innocence. Your parents played a part in this when they beat you into submissiveness. They taught you to fear them. They taught you that your thoughts didn't matter. They taught you that they wouldn't believe you. As a result, you were too fearful to disclose what these vile men were doing to you. And these vile men took all that for granted. Just know that you did what you had to do in order to survive. Don't ever judge yourself for what you did and did not do. You were a child; they were the adults. Don't EVER lose sight of that.

Although I do understand why you want to keep this all to yourself, I must agree with your boyfriend: counselling could very well help you. Don't look at a counsellor as a "stranger"; look at this person as a professional. That professional isn't there to judge you; s/he is there to help you understand what happened, why it happened, and what you can now do to come to terms with what happened. You didn't deserve to be mistreated by your parents. You didn't deserve to be made to become caregiver to your brother. You didn't deserve to be sexually assaulted. You DO deserve relief from the pain you are experiencing. You are worth getting help for yourself, Alia. Treat yourself better than any of your family ever have.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 25, 2009
Perfectionists for Parents
by: Francine

Alia, I can relate to your parents' expectations for you; my parents are perfectionists too and they literally expect me to be perfect at everything (yes, that includes table manners). The only thing that I'm perfect at, however, is making friends. As for taking care of your brother, I can relate too; my mom had to take care of her own brother, too, when she was a teenager...more than once, she was expected to vacuum the floors, all floors, and one day, my grandparents grounded her for a "long time" because her vacuum work was "not good enough". She also had to help them around the house. Oh, and your boyfriend is right, you must get help before it's too late. Don't wait too long. Good luck, Alia!

Mar 03, 2013
So little love shown...
by: Anonymous

Alia, my heart goes out to you. All those years of trying to please your parents and not seeing love; all those years of also trying to take care of your brother, mostly out of love, and not receiving love. I don't really know what to say...just to let you know that I read what you wrote.

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