Comments for Child Abuse Story From Alex2

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Dec 29, 2008
Change can only come from you...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Alex, this wasn't about your camera. There's a lot more going on here with your father...and with you. You said you know your father has a temper, yet you still showed attitude. That doesn't make what he did excusable; his anger and hostility is out of control, and hurting you is wrong, pure and simple. There is nothing you can do to change him, Alex. The only person you have any control over is you. YOU, Alex, can rise above the attitude.

The police will generally look at situations such as the one you described above and see it as a parent trying to gain control of an unruly teenager. As unfair as that may sound, that's the reality of it. You are looking for ways to trap your father so that those in authority can see for themselves that he is abusing you. So far, this plan is backfiring on you. And before you group me into the same category as you've grouped the police because of what I've just written, understand this: I lived what you are living when I was in my teens. I was told it was all my fault (it wasn't, and it's not your fault that your father is mistreating you); that I deserved it (I didn't, just as you didn't); that I should be thankful that I had parents who put a roof over my head and food on the table for me to eat and presents for Christmas (as if presents could possibly replace love). I get where you're coming from only too well.

As a teen, after I got passed blaming myself, I began to blame my parents for everything. But as I started to grow up, really grow up, I came to understand my part in the turbulence that was the relationship I had with my parents, because the only person I could change was me. As unfair as growing up too soon is for you, Alex, it IS the way it is. You must determine what kind of a person, what kind of a woman, you really want to be; and then BE that person.

You said that at 16 you will leave home and be safe. That's not what happened when I left the unsafe environment of my parents' home. I ended in several different unsafe places.

You need help sorting this out, Alex. I urge you to contact Kids Helpline in Canada at 1-800-668-6868. They are staffed with professionally trained counsellors who will help you with your options. Another resource to contact is Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7, also with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. And right now, you definitely need someone to listen to you.

I wish you all the best, Alex. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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