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May 11, 2010
You must first see things through THEIR eyes...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. While I applaud that you divorced this man when you learned he molested your sons, there is so much more that must be done. Your boys don't believe you didn't know because they believe you HAD to have known given all the signs. This is about their perception. They believe that if you didn't know, you SHOULD have known. The best way to help them is to really understand what they are telling you, and then admit first to yourself and then to them, your role in their abuse. That's not to say that you purposely allowed it to go on; rather, it's all that you could have done differently that would have made a difference. The fact that you married the man who sexually abused them without seeing or admitting to seeing any signs that he was a sex offender of children. All those times they tried to tell you but couldn't articulate what was happening to them. All those times they sat in abject fear of their father and what he would do, what he WAS doing, without any help from their mother, the other parent who was supposed to protect them. And then telling them how all these things left them feeling betrayed, abandoned, and alone. THOSE are the things that can help them to begin the healing they so desperately want and need. One day at a time, yes, but if you continue to deny that you had any part to play in this, or if you downplay your role, you will drive them away. I don't believe for a minute that's what you want. I strongly recommend some form of one-on-one counselling in order to help you, and then help you help them.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 12, 2010
You have me asking questions:
by: maurice

I was abused the first question I have to ask myself: How many people in that school knew that one man was abusing the boys in his guardianship: I was like an extention of one's family as my parent entrusted me to their care at the tender age of 11. Like your story, I believe Darlene has given you sound and good advice on it all in her comment: I can't for the life of me undersstand why one parent could have a blind eye to what the other is doing to their children: A family home is small and compact with just a few rooms: each parent comes and goes in the privacy of the four walls 24 seven: children are loved and cherished equally in the majority of homes and families: The percent is high in the situation where you found yourself in: Your husband/friend whom you married was molesting/abusing your two lovely boys in front of you: He did it at times when he knew it would be safe: You married a man who sexually did that to you own flesh and blood whom you birthed: If I have the question how did she not know then it is only natural your boys to doubt that fact: Building up love and trust between you will take time but if you follow Darlene's words of support and encouragement you will succeed to gain their love, respect, understanding: You have to work at earning their trust as well as trusting them: You will: You are a good mother: You had courage to devorce that man: Now you'll have to be brave and patient with your two boys: All children know when their parents especially mothers Love and cherish them: Your boys will in their own time: You follow and act on Darlene's advice and her heartfelt love for you in her comment:

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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From Victim to Victory
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How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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