Child Abuse: My Daughter is Remembering Abuse

by Connie
(Georgia, USA)

A few weeks ago my daughter's school had a seminar for the children on how to be safe and on sexual abuse. I have noticed that recently she has been very disrespectful to myself and other adults. She talks back and she doesn't seem like the daughter I know. I thought it was just the beginnings of her preteen years. Last night I sat her down and asked her what is going on. She then told me about her father and how she was exposed to pornography. Just some quick background. My daughter was adopted at 22 months of age. Just 5 months after the adoption I found out my husband had cheated on me the 8 years we had been together and videotaped it as well. I knew he had an addiction with pornography but he had promised me it would be well hidden from our daughter. When she was 7 I divorced him and moved out. We shared custody 50/50. A year ago I moved from California to Georgia. I just felt like I was not moving on with my life and I needed a change and so did my daughter. We have been very happy here. I had thought it kind of odd that she didn't express more wanting to see her father. I thought maybe if she did say she wanted to go to him she would think it was hurting me. She has seen him 3 times since we moved.

Here is what she told me. She told me that she found boxes of pornography under his desk and it really scared her to see the pictures she didn't understand. I know this is true because it sounds like him being complacent since she didn't live with him full time. She then told me that he that he would watch pornography when she was in the house and didn't know she had come into the room. The most damaging information though was she said she is remembering when she was just a toddler and he would touch her after her bath. I don't know if it's possible for a 10 year old to remember something when she was so young and for it to come out now. The only other incident she told me about was when her dad was in bed in the morning after I went to work and when she got up and went to his room he was watching something with naked people she didn't understand and he asked her to suck on his finger. It just sounds so odd that it could not have been made up.

I am going today to seek counseling and help. I was hoping that I could find a safe place to try to work this through so I can help my daughter get through this.

Thank you,
Connie