Baptist church as I see it. Backwards and broken!
My story is one that goes back many many years. My parents had me start attending a baptist church that would forever change my life, how I view Christianity and most of all, church as a whole. I was exposed to things that no child should ever be exposed to. What makes it even worse, our Pastor knew a man was molesting children, and hid it from everyone, having him bounce from state to state to avoid him getting into any trouble for what he was and probably still is, doing.
From the time I started that church at the age of 9, I was introduced to Porn, alcohol, Pot, sex and the list goes on. I remember sitting in service listening to the message, and right after church, the daughter of the notorious child molester, who I eventually became very good friends with, asked me If I wanted to go and get porn after church. After you are exposed to that type of behavior for so many years, you start to begin thinking it is normal behavior. Now let me explain the situation as a whole.
After I started this church I was molested time after time by different men in the church. After becoming friends with one of the molesters daughters, she re-assured me that she was going to protect me and let me move in with her when I was 18 years old. Before that time she went off and got married to a man in another state, came back and my parents let her and her husband move in with us. Within that time her husband sexually molested me, and when I told her about it, she really acted like it was no big deal, the same way she reacted when I told her that her father had molested me. I later found out her lack of concern was because she was in fact also molested and raped by her father for years. I just didn't understand why I kept associating myself with people that were no good for me at all, but then realized, this is all I know.
She soon divorced her husband and I ended up moving in with her. Within a few weeks her and I were caught up in a weird sexual relationship. This was very confusing to me because I was already confused about my sexuality, and when that happened, my confusion flew into full gear.
During the next few years her brother and Uncle both molested me and that is when I finally thought ok, this is not right because I do not feel good at all. I feel sick whenever I go to church and I don't understand why this kind of behavior is acceptable.
I left the church, but carried a weight on my shoulder that was unbearable and still haunts me to this day. So as far as the church, I do not believe in organized religion at all. I heard sermon after sermon about how it is wrong to be gay, yet the church members were engaging in same sex actions behind closed doors. I heard sermon after sermon about how wrong it is to drink, yet on Sunday afternoons when I would go to the pastors house between services to hang out with his daughter I would see him crack open a beer. I have also witnessed him watching porn between services. Everything seems so backwards, broken and contorted to me. The church preaches one thing, but does the complete opposite behind closed doors, and it has been that way for years.
So my question is this, What truly is Christianity?? Do people go to church to serve God or to actually serve man? Why are there so many child molesters allowed in the church to serve and their actions are completely disregarded? Why is it ok for them to preach and scream quotes from the bible, but yet ignore the other verses in the bible if it isn't convenient for them? Why do you see so many protestors screaming about gay individuals, who aren't hurting anyone, yet you never hear them on the street corners preaching about how wrong it is to molest and hurt a child?
All these questions haunt me, and will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life. The church is ruined and they misrepresent Christ and what he stands for in a way that is just completely ludicrous. They preach one thing and do the opposite. They use their beliefs and power as an excuse to take advantage of innocent children. It goes on and on and I can't take it anymore. I can't stand to sit around and see one more child get hurt because they hide behind church walls, pretend to be holy and think they are untouchable. They don't fear God at all!! They fear man. If they feared God, then they would think Twice before hurting and scarring for life, one of his precious children. I think the church is nothing but a money making machine and a Devilish playground for men and women who prey on innocent little children. When will society wake up and realize this behavior is unacceptable? When will the church come to terms with who they really are, and stop pretending to be who they are not? It sickens me, it's very sad and I think religion is used as a way to control individuals. If it were used as a different tool, then Christ would definitely be represented in the true way he needs to be. Not as a hater, bias, follower, abuser, basher, judgmental, manipulator, intimidator, deceiver, and the list goes on.
There is so much more to my story, but I could only get out a certain amount at a time. It really depresses me to talk about it and I can't mention how many times I don't even want to get out of the bed in the morning just thinking about what the church has done to me. I worry about children now and future, that will endure the same type of pain I did as a child, and even still into my adulthood. It's never ending and it's scary, but what's even more scary is that all this evil starts behind walls that are supposed to be holy, God fearing and incorrigible. What is wrong with this picture, what is wrong with the church? My final answer is this, The church and society as I see it, Broken and backwards.
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