Child Abuse By Proxy

by My Two Cents
(Location Unknown)

Over the past few months I have been noticing a trend whereby the main (primary) abuser involves others (secondary) in various forms of sexual, physical, emotional abuse. To my knowledge, I am the first person to label this type of abuse, "abuse by proxy."


Each of the below examples seems to have a main abuser who carried out the abuse, & was percieved by the general public to have this authority, & this general public went along with it. This is what I have come to call, "abuse by proxy." It can be either indirect, or direct. Indirect would be observing a nude child's erection while the parent got ready to spank. Direct would be a babysitter (for example) spanking a charge at the direction of the parent.

Some examples, all from the Child Abuse Effects website.

In a thread in here, I think "diaper discipline as sexual abuse" (?) there are a couple of stories from babysitters where they were asked by the parents to diaper punish their child, I think all of the stories I read referred to boys.

In Lee's case, the general public participated in his humiliation by viewing his abusive spankings, getting an eyeful of his private parts, seeing him dressed as a girl, & I seem to remember he mentioned people laughing at him as he stood on display during or after his spankings. They didn't directly touch him, but they abused him by watching this abuse take place - abuse by indirect proxy.

With regards to Mary4, her mother made her into a nude display object for the company that visited. The company that visited may not have directly touched Mary4, but I do believe that they participated in her abuse by viewing her in the nude, despite her (Mary4) objections. Mother also allowed strangers to hurt Mary4 while mother watched it. This is indirect abuse by proxy & then direct abuse by proxy.

Taylor's case has both direct abuse by proxy, & indirect abuse by proxy. Taylor's mom allowed Michelle to bath Taylor in the tub, exposing him to Michelle and Amber; Michelle allowed Amber to touch Taylor as well, both cases of direct abuse by proxy, & when Taylor complained, his mom told him it was Michelle's job to bath him - allowing the abuse, indirect abuse by proxy. Also, I assume that Amber was also made to be naked in front of Michelle & Taylor in the tub.

I have never seen this type of wording, "abuse by proxy" discussed anywhere. So I'd just like to put this out there and see what people think.

Be well.

My Two Cents.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Click here to read or post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Child Abuse Article - Write one.

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...

Most Recent

  1. Helpless Little Girl

    Dec 15, 17 09:31 AM

    I cannot even begin to put into words how much you have ruined me. You have completely damaged me. Because of you, I am not the best possible me. I hope

    Read More

  2. Sorry to Hear

    Dec 15, 17 09:10 AM

    Dear Darlene, Just stumbled on your site accidentally, researching on Child Sexual Abuse (CSA), for grad school. Incest Survivor (3 perps), Sexual Assault

    Read More

  3. Keeping It Short

    Dec 14, 17 10:14 AM

    I am eighteen years old. My life thus far has been a sea of things that I've blocked out, hoped to forget, or refuse to talk about. But lately I've really

    Read More