by Name Undisclosed
I am a shattered shell. Not because of being abused, like so many on this site, but because of abusing others. For 9 years of my life, I was a child molester. I lived on sexually harming others. An innocent shell hiding an evil demon.
There was one person safe from me-my best friend 'L'. I loved her with all of my heart and soul. One day, she came to me for comfort. Another "friend" had sexually molested her. She was destroyed, couldn't sleep, constantly seemed about to cry to those who knew her really well (like me), and was unable to cope.
I was irate. Someone had hurt "L". I was going to kill them. All child molesters should die slow, horrible deaths, I decided. But, then it dawned on me-that means me. What if she hadn't been safe from me? Would she be running to someone else because I had hurt her, the person I loved? I realized what I was, and the realization has destroyed me.
Since that time, I have not molested anyone. I have never even thought about doing it. But how can I repair what I did before that? The thought of those I hurt going through life with a broken spirit torments me constantly. I have nearly committed suicide more times than I can count.
I guess I just wanted to write this to say two things: One, that no matter what you read, we can change. But, it isn't an easy process that many will take. But, I will do whatever it takes to do that. And two, I wanted to say please forgive me. For all the pain the kind of person I was has inflicted on you. And especially if you are the ones I hurt. You have no idea how sorry I am. Please forgive me.
From Darlene to my visitors who might wish to comment on the above submission: I recognize that for some of you, there is a strong urge to lash out at the self-admitted child molester above. I ask that you be respectful in any comments that you leave here. By all means, be frank and open in what you write, but please, for the sake of the integrity of my site, refrain from profanities, name-calling and encouraging acts of violence or self-harm.
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