Comments for Abusers Get No Sentence, Victims Get Life Sentence

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Nov 01, 2007
You CAN turn this around
by: Darlene Barriere

Marlyn, you are NOT dirty, you are NOT bad. What happened to you wasn't your fault. Your ABUSER was the one who was dirty. Your ABUSER was the one who was bad. You are good. You are worthy. You are special. Don't let the messages your abuser left you with continue to take over your life. Your abuser isn't worthy of one more minute of your precious time on this earth.

If you haven't already, I strongly urge you to seek out some form of counseling, Marlyn. You need help to sort through your feelings. You really can turn this around and take back your power. You and your relationship are worth it.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Nov 02, 2007
I'm with you
by: Nancy

I know what you're saying about the life sentence. In my situation, there is no way for my abuser to be "punished" either. Recently I started feeling angry that my husband and children have also been given a life sentence--punished for loving me and because of my history, they are denied the full loving in return that they deserve. It's just horrible.

I'm now in the process of creating a "loving bubble" around me and my family that my past can not push into. I am being born right now into this bubble, new and beautiful and wonderful. It's too hard to ignore all the parts that feel hurt and dirty and bad, so instead of wishing they'll go away, I'm just going to start new and let the new beautiful things blossom and grow.

Do you think that would work for you? I hope so.


Jan 02, 2008
Were you sexually, phiysically, or emotionally abused?
by: Niche'

Hello, Maryln my name is Niche i live in ohio. I was molested and raped, the more I talk about it I trick myself into getting over it. But then It comes back to hunt me, I did not get the two people who did this to me but now I wish I did. I have nightmares like it was yesterday, I am very controlling with my kids father, he hates me so bad that I wish at times he would just move on, but he wont, because he see's sickness in my eyes.

Jun 07, 2009
Keeping hope alive in still a non listening society of children who are abused
by: maurice

It is the most irritating and annoying reality that Children are still not listened to. That family members who report their child is being abused are not listened to. Keeping hope alive we must that this will change in all societies of the World in the remotest rural setting to the larger towns and cities. When the real loving caring concerned parents and extended family members report are not listened to it means for me that there are too many rules and regulations but not enough heart in the people who are professionally trained and making loads of money out of not doing their Job. Let our voices be heard for the abused. Society as a whole seem apathetic to the misfortunes they befall people in their lives generally and sadly put the innocent children.teenagers/adolescent in that category as well. Only those of us who were abused are the voices and all who love us are the voices of the still innocent who are being abused even as I write this comment. Let us not give up HOPE. NO CHILD BORN IS BIRTHED TO BE ABUSED.

Nov 19, 2009
Abuse is with us as I share with you.
by: maurice

2009 in Ireland in the most recent survey done on hostels and supposely safe place s for our young especially those coming into our country as migrants legally or elegally especially the beautiful girls been brought in for trafficking into the sex world. Living in totally unsafe places. all ages sharing crowded rooms. Just the tip of the iceberg. Authorities have still an awful lot to answer for. Great we have Darlene's site to share the problems of abuse near us. Yes, we a victims, but we have won over our abuse we are the victors. We need to fight still for those who are still suffering from abuse in our midst. Let us stay safe, Let us care for the one's we love and who love us in our life. May we have the courage to speak our against those who still abuse. In our speaking up and out we will get justice. Let us never give up HOPE.

Oct 29, 2012
Personal empowerment.
by: Anonymous

This is a response not just for this post, but I am responding to what I am reading in general.

My ex husband was very abusive, not only to me but my son. I can share your sentiment regarding what the law can do. Me getting divorced and trying to protect my son from his abuse was an exercise in futility. For one, I lived in a no fault state, where it didnt matter if one of the parents abused and even murdered the children. That was my first wake up call. And then, the second one, was me, being the one looked upon as the enemy and threatened with jail time if I did not allow visitation.

Yes, the courts are ineffective. But guess what. The court being ineffective works both ways.

I found success in taking matters into my own hands. When I divorced, it was in the decree that I could move for employment reasons, which I did. I waited for some time to go by, and eventually, no surprise, my ex stopped paying child support. I remarried, and then filed a petition to have his rights terminated.

He was abusive, and my son was traumatized, doing poorly in school, the whole nine yards. My ex's involvement made our lives a living hell, so I just played every game in the book to frustrate my ex, not making it easy for him, and eventually, I had enough proof to get his rights terminated. (ie, he kidnapped my son, etc.).

I ended up out-lawyering him, because he was on the defensive the whole time. Child abusers, out themselves. They think they have the right to abuse their children, and this comes out in court.

It was a frustrating 2-year ordeal, but it was well worth it. And, we live in a state, that doesnt favor parental termination, but going to court, and dragging him through the mud was enough. That, and him going to jail for non-payment of child support.

I am not saying that everyone should terminate their rights, but my point is, use the inefficiency of the law for it to be on your side. Take matters into your own hands, and do what is right for the kid. Keep the boy home, and say he is sick. And if the kid doesnt want to visit, he doesnt have to. Commit them to activities during parenting time. You are in charge.

People who abuse their children, they shouldnt get any rights, so dont give it to them.

Once I realized my own personal power, I was less frustrated with the courts.

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