Victim to Survivor

by Rai
(New York, USA)

From a very young age I had been made to realize by my parents that I was an unwanted child. My aunt and my brother saved my life by not allowed me to be an abortion. I was constantly reminded of this during my daily beatings because my mother loved to verbally abuse me as well. My father was even more violent than her and would often beat me up after he had beat her up or vice versa. My father tried to kill my mother almost on a daily basis.

He was the silent, strong, and violent type. My mother suffered from domestic abuse and mental problems. My father was an alcoholic and also had mental problems. On one hand my parents were very angry because I was born, but on the other they were thrilled to have something to take out their frustrations on. I became the human punching bag they always wanted.

My parents started beating me from about age 4 and didn't stop beating me until about age 12. They often threatened to kill me during my beatings and made it very clear that if I told anyone about it that they would kill me. I believed them because I knew it was true so I decided to take my beatings like a man. My parents had threatened many people that had tried to get involved and were absolutely fearless. My parents almost killed me several times, but my faith in God kept me alive.

Eventually overtime I became immune to the pain and my daily beatings became an accepted part of my life. I had a very hard time growing up not only because of the abuse, but also because I was discriminated against from a very young age. I had trouble making friends and as a result I was often alone.

I have come to realize that I exist in this world because of God. He is the reason why I was born and why I was able to survive. Any other child would have been killed or killed themselves. I have come to terms with my abuse and it no longer affects me in a negative way. I want to use my experiences to raise awareness and help other survivors.

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Comments for Victim to Survivor

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Oct 28, 2014
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You were a targeted child, unwanted for a variety of reasons by two people who were unfit for their duties and responsibilities as parents.

Rai, you said you want to raise awareness and help other survivors using your own personal experience. I commend and applaud that. It's not only noble, it can be very cathartic. In helping others, you also help your Self. In giving to others, you help your Self get what you lacked by the people who were responsible for your well-being. When you give from personal experience you give meaning and purpose to what you endured. When you give as a result of your suffering, your own healing becomes more and more accessible. Just don't lose your Self in the process. Take very good care of your Self. Treat your Self with the dignity and respect and love you've always deserved but didn't get from the parents who clearly rejected you. You have much to give to the world, and it sounds as though you are up to the task. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 29, 2014
The dignity you still deserve
by: Anonymous

Rai, your story is a bit similar to mine and, to be honest, it is very disturbing. I hope you're really out of that hellhole now...and THANK GOODNESS YOU SURVIVED!!!

BTW, due to my autism, my parents decided that they didn't really want me and that they only kept me with them because they "felt sorry for me (their words, not mine)". Anyway, you are lovable and we care about you, so please tell someone you really trust.

Nov 08, 2014
what the world needs
by: Lyes

I also want to commend you. As I said before Recovery is a blind road to follow, but god is giving you a light and you can help others to a path that may help themselves and I thank you. My young love was a victim of abuse. At a young age he'd endure physical and mental horrors from his father then in his teen sexual abuse from another. Sadly to say the card wasn't in for him to play pass 19, maybe because he didn't have a guiding light. You are a beautiful person with a lot of wisdom to share and the good lord bless you with a life full of knowledge from a depth only few have to experience. Surviving and speaking will only make you better and loved for it and again I would like to take my time and thank you because I know you will make a difference.

Nov 13, 2014
To Rai
by: Gail

Your chilling story of survival is known to too many. My wish for you, is the strength of character,& intestinal fortitude of body & soul to continue to help others and lead groups for mutually therapeutic counsel. You have overcome so much, and are admired by so many. I believe your faith will always prevail for your solace & do hope you seek professional counsel for yourself as well. Reliving and sympathizing with other victims of similar pain & horror, is a daunting task. Maybe you could team up with a counseling professional to help achieve positive outcomes for people not quite as strong as you.
Your positivity is truly inspirational, Rai.

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