Still Comes Back

by K.G.
(United Kingdom)

I'm now forty but the fact I was abused in every way for almost half of my life still comes back.

I thought I had dealt with it, clearly I haven't.
Starts at an early age (physical) I could go through it all but I won't.

I became suicidal at 11, tried to end my miserable life (my uncle stared sexually abusing me at 9)

Empathy. I was told I had so much so I decided to follow my dreams and become a child councillor. I really believed i could help but their account's drove me away from that line of work, listening to them opened festering wounds within me.

I became addicted to drugs at 13 then ran away at 16. Coming from an Asian background as mine was really difficult as I wasn't the 'traditional' girl I was meant to be, as a result I was beaten, choked and covered in so many bruises that (not) going to school for a week at a time became commonplace in my world.

I despised but loved my parents. I remember them telling me 'if you tell anyone what happens, they will take you away. You'll never see your brothers or us again' At the time I saw a light in telling on them but I loved them deeply. I hated myself, convinced it was all on me.

I remember I found a purse once and I hid it and my mother found it, convinced I was lying they both beat me, my father straddled my chest and was beating my face with a heavy leather sandal. My mother egging him on over his shoulder.

One other incident I will recount is when myself and a friend were followed to her house by a man who stood outside watching, her sister called my mother after she got home. That night I endured such sadistic punishment from my mother. I thought I was going to die.

Depression followed me for over 20 years. I am mother to three wonderful children. My daughters are my world and my hubby too. I'm so happy but I have such bouts of anger it scares me. I'm sorry if I rambled :)

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