Started as a Toddler

by Amelia (not real name for safty)
(Location Undisclosed)

It all started when I was two or three well my earliest memories anyway. My father would come into my room and sexually touch me and rape me in my private areas from ages 2-5 then again for just touching at 7-8 then again for touching at 11-15. Im 19 now and I'm in councelling but I still have trouble talking about it though it has been a year and a half since I told the police. I have struggled with how I feel about myself. I am ashamed and feel like I am a sl*t and wh**e even though I know I shouldn't feel that way. But feeling and knowing are two different things. I still feel it is my fault for it happening to my younger sister and friend because I didn't tell when it happened to me but I was told and promised that he never ever did that horrible thing to anyone else and I stupidly believed him. Anyway he got two years in jail but only because he plead guilty. If he didn't plead guilty then he would have gotten away with it. Any way Thank you for reading my story I know it is vague but I don't like the details of what happened so yeah.

Subscribe to Darlene Barriere's healing blog:

Healing the Body, Mind and Spirit
My goal is to inspire you, challenge your thoughts, and break open your heart. Your Self already knows you're remarkable and that the world needs you, more now than ever. It's time you know it and believe it too.
Healing the Body, Mind and Spirit

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Started as a Toddler

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 23, 2015
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Many who visit here will understand when you say there is a difference between knowing something logically and feeling something else emotionally. What is really important here is to understand how that abuser groomed you. You were 2. 2! Have you looked at a 2-year-old lately. Have you considered that a 2-year-old cannot possibly do anything to stop a grown person from abusing them. Now think about that for a moment. Don't think about what happened when you were older. Think about what happened when you were so very young. That abuser took advantage of your innocence, then took it away from you from a very young age. He set you up for keeping the secret. He set you up for further abuse. The question isn't why you didn't tell, but rather, how could you tell. He convinced you from the start that telling was unnecessary, but also that you wouldn't be believed even if you did. Or worse, that you would be the one blamed for it. And know you're doing the same to your Self. You've taken the torch from the abuser by blaming your Self and calling your Self horrific names. Yes, I'm being firm here, and I feel as though I must be firm. You are doing to your Self emotionally what the abuser did to you physically and sexually. That has got to stop. Whenever you find yourself calling yourself such disgusting names, STOP. Tell yourself the exact opposite. When you call yourself such degrading things, you are having a conversation with the Universe. And that conversation will bring on more of the same in your life. Choose a better dialogue to have with your Self. You didn't deserve to be mistreated and abused. You certainly don't deserve the mental beatdown you keep giving your Self now. Please. See the value in Who You Really Are. Replace those terrible thoughts and names as soon as you realize you've again embraced them. Then look for ways to treat your Self with the dignity, respect and love you deserve.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you enormous amounts of healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Write Your Child Abuse Story.

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.

Most Recent

  1. Feel Extreme Guilt

    Apr 25, 17 08:19 AM

    I had been repressing the guilt of playing sexual games and forcing my cousin brother to tongue kissing with me. I am 24 now but keep remembering the same

    Read More

  2. Not To Blame

    Apr 18, 17 11:04 AM

    I was in my 10th standard and like every girl, I was very conscious of the weight problem. I used to go to my Music tuitions in the evening, and once I

    Read More

  3. Bad Dreams Surfacing

    Apr 13, 17 10:32 AM

    I am having a dream about my abusive stepfather where he wants my brother and me to change his soiled diaper. He started abusing me at the age of three

    Read More

Take the quiz

Fill out my online form.
HTML Forms powered by Wufoo.
E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life