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Mother Isolated Me

by David P
(North Carolina, USA)

I remember my mother and father both said they didn't want to have anything to do with me. It was so bad I can remember the first words I said. One of my brothers wouldn't stop poking me in the side, I finally got very angry and said "STOP IT". It was a surprise to them, because it was after my first birthday. Mother was pregnant with the youngest. After he was born, my mother told me to leave, I'm not sure but I think I was around 2 years old. I did what she said, and walked to the end of the street. That was when the police saw me. They asked me where I lived, and I wouldn't say at first. They took me home, and had a long talk with her. There was talk about DSS coming by. I had my chance to get away, but the oldest told me that he would help me. He did for awhile. Then we moved from that spot. The abuse started again. She made a deal with him to help with his homework. He had to stop telling our father about the abuse. I was blamed for everything, and whipped for it too. I need to back up a little, and tell about the time I was sick. She wouldn't take care of me. If it wasn't for my bother I may have died. I had a fever of 104. This goes on forever. I'm 57 years old now and never married. I was raised believing I wasn't good enough for anyone. I mean if I wasn't good enough for my family how could I be good enough for anyone. I know its not true, but it was done. She isolated me from the rest of the family. I felt very alone. You have to remember I was only around 4 or 5 years old. I still feel alone sometimes. Even at work I feel like I'm not good enough. This goes on until she died.

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