Mother Isolated Me

by David P
(North Carolina, USA)

I remember my mother and father both said they didn't want to have anything to do with me. It was so bad I can remember the first words I said. One of my brothers wouldn't stop poking me in the side, I finally got very angry and said "STOP IT". It was a surprise to them, because it was after my first birthday. Mother was pregnant with the youngest. After he was born, my mother told me to leave, I'm not sure but I think I was around 2 years old. I did what she said, and walked to the end of the street. That was when the police saw me. They asked me where I lived, and I wouldn't say at first. They took me home, and had a long talk with her. There was talk about DSS coming by. I had my chance to get away, but the oldest told me that he would help me. He did for awhile. Then we moved from that spot. The abuse started again. She made a deal with him to help with his homework. He had to stop telling our father about the abuse. I was blamed for everything, and whipped for it too. I need to back up a little, and tell about the time I was sick. She wouldn't take care of me. If it wasn't for my bother I may have died. I had a fever of 104. This goes on forever. I'm 57 years old now and never married. I was raised believing I wasn't good enough for anyone. I mean if I wasn't good enough for my family how could I be good enough for anyone. I know its not true, but it was done. She isolated me from the rest of the family. I felt very alone. You have to remember I was only around 4 or 5 years old. I still feel alone sometimes. Even at work I feel like I'm not good enough. This goes on until she died.

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Comments for Mother Isolated Me

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Mar 10, 2015
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Clearly, your mother was deeply disturbed. The way she mistreated and abused you has nothing to do with YOU, but everything to do with HER.

It's easy to know on a logical level that something isn't true. Not so easy on an emotional level when you've been rejected and abandoned throughout your childhood. That's why it's so important to go into yourself on an emotional level. When we try to heal through logic, the healing is incomplete. We're always left with anger, hostility, fear, plus a host of other effects that stay with us throughout our lifetime.

You ARE enough. You WERE enough. You will always BE enough. That's the message you must deliver to yourself on an emotional level. Whenever the old tapes/messages come back to haunt you, you must reverse the negative self-talk. No one has the power but you. You have no power as a child. That was taken away from you. But as an adult, you can now take that power back. And you must take it back for healing to take place.

There are a multitude of reasons (explanations, not excuses) for why you mother did what she did to you. I've written quite a bit on why target a specific child for abuse, and by all means, read through it. But not for the purpose of getting angrier or more hostile, for the purpose of understanding. No excuses, just an explanation for the unexplainable. With such insight, you might find it a bit easier to find emotional healing. You certainly deserve such healing, David.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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