Letting It All Out

by Tonyn D
(Pennsylvannia, USA)

2ND GRAD I walk from school to home and my father would say come downstairs and look at something so I would. And my father was a mean person, what else is new. He would grab me so fast I would freeze. I swear to the Lord above my wife of 40 years he would put a collar around my neck and chain and just Hang just toes feeling the cement and put a beating on me so bad. Sorry at this moment I am collecting myself. So I would miss some days of school from scars on my body. I miss so much of school that I got kick out of school in 3rd grade. My brother and I got kick out but I got the worse of the beatings. The scars mentally are the worse!!!!!!!


There is so much more to tell. I have a big family but no one cares. My wife is so loving. She is the only one who cares.

I'm going to try and get help. But money is so tight right now. I swear I could fill this page and more. I have anxiety and my mind races.

TD


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Comments for Letting It All Out

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May 21, 2015
Tonyn
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Clearly, your father was not only deeply disturbed, but also a criminal for what he did to you and your brother. No sane person does this to another person, let alone a child. What you described is a scene right out of times of slavery. What he did was despicable.

I know it can be difficult to get the help you need. There are agencies and organizations out there, but you do have to search for them. Keep checking online for what's available to you in your area, or through the Internet. Just be cautious if you do go online. There are predators out there who are only too happy to connect with you, but are not what they seem.

What you endured had nothing whatsoever to do with you. This was all on your abuser. You could never have done anything wrong enough to warrant the beatings, the torture, the severe abuse. And your self-worth cannot be tied into what happened to you. Do not accept what your mind is telling you if and when it tells you all the negative stuff you walked away with in your childhood. You were and still are worthy of dignity and respect and love.

You said your wife cares. It is so important to have people in your life who do care. But it's equally, if not even MORE important, that you care for YOURSELF. Start by treating yourself with the dignity, respect and self love you were denied. Tell yourself positive messages every day. And every time a negative comes up, replace that with a positive. The idea is to get to thinking about yourself in a kind and loving way so that eventually you believe it.

You ARE loved, Tonyn. And I send that love to you through this website today. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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