I'm An Offender

by Ray
(California, USA)

So, ive wrote on here b4, under a dif name... and I had oral sex with her autistic son in our house, she still doesn't know. then my wife told me its either the beer or her, and I stopped for 8 days.. 1 of few proud moments of my life. since then I have drank... and came close to doing it again... and realized my memories of my dad with my cousin and I.. was when he was weak.. just like me...ive told myself since then im not him... and continue to fight the "demons" as hard as I can... but memories cant be fought.. I know they can only be accepted and.. as my wire said "the past is dead". so with that, I lay my past to rest.

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Comments for I'm An Offender

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May 22, 2015
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

As a sex offender of a child, it's important not only to come clean about what you did, but also to use the proper wording so that it's clear you understand exactly what it was that YOU did.

Firstly, you did not have oral sex "with" this autistic boy. You performed a criminal act against this autistic boy. The former is somewhat sanitized, and gives the appearance that the child was somehow complicit. He wasn't. You knew what you were doing was wrong, yet you still did it. And it's particularly disturbing that you preyed on someone already vulnerable as a child, but that you preyed on one who might not be able to articulate in any way what you did.

I don't hate you. I despise what you did. And though you are working on being a better person and managing your "urges", it concerns me that you still have access to this child, and possibly other child who are at risk.

You're right when you say that you are not your father, and that likely helps you to stay on track. And on track you absolutely must stay. But I'm also very concerned about the well-being of this autistic boy. Not just going forward, but as a result of the criminal act you chose to inflict on him. That will affect him for the rest of his life. You have not done the honourable thing by choosing not to disclose to his mother what you did, and then face the consequences for your actions. You are not living in integrity by keeping this to yourself.

Thank you for sharing with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 03, 2015
by: Anonymous

So I should give up everything that makes me feel normal...that I should just give up and be him? Every 1 has done things they regret, just like me. But you're. Right, I don't deserve a second chance

Jun 11, 2015
by: AnonymousT

I don't understand what makes you feel normal, maybe I'm confused. Do you mean abuse or "oral sex with a boy" makes you feel normal?

Everyone deserves a second chance - if they reach for it. If they make it their daily life to learn, heal & never hurt another.

Bottom line - when we do something where another has no voice, namely an autistic child, we are abusing them. And autistic children DO KNOW they're being abused, they ARE AWARE.

Ok, so you abused someone. Will you do it again?
Can you have a normal relationship with an adult partner? If not, get therapy now. Look for it every day until you find it.

Everyone acts out from abuse in different ways. But no matter what, it's ALWAYS a choice.

Oct 20, 2015
by: Anonymous

Ray, I admire you for having the guts to disclose what you did but you need help, serious help. It is a known fact that most abusers were once abused themselves. Remember, anything you say to a psychiatrist is confidential. PLEASE, get help or you will destroy another innocent victim.

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