I Self Medicate

by Maureen
(Arizona, USA)

When I was 3 we left Illinois for Arizona. The day we left my grandfather had a heart attack and died. I have one uncomfortable grainy memory of him. I am not sure if he touched me, but the memory makes me feel weird.

I am 4. In our Arizona house, down the street, my mom made a friend. She had 2 boys. Maybe age 10~12. I played with them. They took me to a cornfield and said we were guna play a game. It was called "fucky" and I needed to remove my clothes. I remember knowing that wasn't right. I remember nothing after those words. Well I do remember going back to their house, but that's all.

So now I'm 6. My mom marries a child molester. 9 years. I was beat on all the time, bullied every day, raped one to two times a week, called names. Very abusive home. 4 years into the marriage my mom caught him masturbating in front of me. She didn't care.

5 years more go by. I told on him to someone I trusted and she told him what I said. How could I do that to him, I was ruining my family blah blah blah. Anyway, 3 more people knew and turned a blind eye.

I get into trouble at 15, go to juvey and I get court-ordered counseling as a punishment. They ask if I ever was molested. I knew what was happening was wrong. I also got no help. I literally thought everyone got molested that that was just life. So they explain it. I say yes. They get my mom in there and tell her. We go home. She promptly tells him what I said. And he tortured me all night. She did nothing. Next day go to school, and get removed by CPS. Don't remember anyone ever taking me back to counseling. So I self medicate. For 31 yrs.

Click here to read or post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Write Your Child Abuse Story.

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...

Most Recent

  1. Converging Stolen Lives

    Jan 30, 18 01:13 PM

    There was a time and space I didn’t think about you, or your abuse. Where when I looked back at my life, I only saw normal things, a normal childhood.

    Read More

  2. A letter to one of the 13 Turpin children

    Jan 29, 18 11:33 AM

    A heartfelt letter by a former classmate that speaks to bullying and regrets. You'll find it on my Facebook group. I hope you'll join and get in on the discussion.

    Read More

  3. Dissociated From Abuse

    Jan 29, 18 11:00 AM

    I was sexually abused by my father from age 6 to 13, which stopped when I started talking about it during the day. The teenage brother of my best friend

    Read More