Groomed By Uncle

by Mike H
(San Diego, California, USA)

My abuse started with an uncle who was always a really cool guy. He would always hang out with us kids and buy us things and was always interested in what I was up to.

The first time it happened was when I was about 10 and he bought us all beer. Me and my two friends got drunk and after they left he showed me some porn. Then he put on some gay porn acting like he stumbled on it. I was very excited from watching porn in general and was also drunk, so I was pretty vulnerable to his seduction. The seduction was mild at first, just a finger and some oral sex... but it was extremely pleasurable and I was swept into it. The next day i felt beyond terrible. Not only did I have my first hangover but I was totally confused about the whole thing. I wasn't sure if I was gay and that really alarmed me. And, even though we didn't have sex, I was terrified that I had caught something.

As the day's passed I found myself thinking about what happened and masturbating about it. Then it happened again. Only this time, I knew it was going to happen and I let it. We drank, my friends left, we watched porno and he molested me. This went on for years. Eventually he got more and more abusive. He used my innocence to take advantage of me in many ways.

Now I'm 32 and I'm not only an alcoholic but I'm also addicted to prescription drugs. I'm gay, and I think that has to do with my early introduction to gay sex. In short, it ruined my life. You wouldn't think something like that would have such an impact but it does.

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Comments for Groomed By Uncle

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Mar 02, 2016
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I doubt very much there are many people on this site who read your story and don't believe that the impact was as strong as it was. There are so many here who can definitely related. You were groomed by this uncle, taken advantage of with your youth and vulnerabilities. He was in a position of trust, and he misused that trust in the most vile ways.

You said that because it felt good, the next time you "let him". No, Mike. That's not what happened. At 10 years old, you didn't "let" anything happen. You were manipulated by someone who knew exactly what he was doing. As your uncle, he knew everything pertinent about you. He knew that alcohol--the #1 rape drug--would set the stage for what he had in mind. And he knew that porn would stimulate you, which of course it would. Not to mention any fear that might have been present...fear can easily be misinterpreted as arousal. Your uncle messed with your head and your heart. Don't ever blame your Self for what HE did to you.

As for being gay as a result of this uncle's abuse, I can't say with any certainty that that is true. I believe people are born gay. But are there people made gay because of sexual abuse? Maybe. Maybe not. That's not in my realm of expertise. More importantly is how you see your Self as a gay man. If you detest your Self, that's not a good thing. And I get it...being gay is a constant reminder of what this uncle did to you. But you have a choice to make. Actually, several choices that have one underlying factor at the core.

Do you continue to allow your uncle to control you and have power over you, to manipulate you, to dictate your life going forward? Because even if he is no longer a part of your life, he is still in your head. Mike, the body doesn't know the difference between being in the middle of a traumatic situation or remembering the traumatic situation. You owe it to your Self to first recognize this, then do something about it. Choose healing. And it is a choice. Choose to no longer let this vile uncle have domain over you. Take back the power he stole from you, power that you didn't have as a young boy, power that is now yours to take back.

The alcohol only numbs for a while, but it creates more havoc than it helps. It's time to look into the empty booze bottle and decide to end the poisoning. To end the self-abuse. You didn't deserve to be abused. You don't deserve to abuse your Self. You sure as heck deserve healing.
Start by making the commitment to cleaning up your body of the poison. Then look at the poisonous thoughts you still have about what happened to you. You survived it, Mike. And now it's over. Except in your mind and thoughts and memories. Accept your Self as the young boy you were when all this was happening, being manipulated and controlled. You have no shame to bear. You uncle carries all the shame and blame. Reach out to resources available to you in your community for your addictions. Healing can only begin when you make the choice that it's time to heal. And to finally be released from the hold that this sick uncle has over you. He doesn't deserve to take up so much of your time and energy. YOU deserve to take up your time and energy in healthy ways. I believe in you, Mike. Start believing in your Self.

I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Mar 03, 2016
by: AnonymousT

I read what Darlene wrote & wow, is she right.

I just wanted to reach out & say to you that
1)I think childhood exposure to certain sex acts can cause us to become aroused by them in spanking, homosexual acts, domination. And none of those are wrong per se if one doesn't feel like it hurts their soul (or anyone else) afterwards, we are consenting adults who need to make sound choices after all. I feel are born with our sexual orientation but we can feel aroused by the opposite because we were exposed to it.

2) You never "let" him. You were GROOMED so he could do as he liked. You did as any groomed child would do.

Be kind to you.

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