Creep For Uncle

by Penelope

It was decades ago but I still remember it. My mother's elder sister married a man I'll call George (not his real name). From the ages of three to 13 I was in Brazil. Then my mother brought me back to go to boarding school in England. She returned to Brazil and I stayed with her sister and George. I thought he was a real dolt. He was obsessed with pop music at the age of 50. I didn't mind his listening to it but I thought a grown man should have other things to talk about. He used to ask me questions like "When they weigh you at school do they measure your waists?" He often called me by my mother's name. I suspect he had a lech on her but she was too young so he married the elder sister. His interest in me grew more and more intrusive

One time I'd been shopping and returned to the car with a brown paper parcel. "That doesn't look very exciting," he said. (It was underwear.) "Did you buy sanitary towels?" He made remarks like that when no one else could overhear. It was before the days of email, and to phone my parents in Brazil would have been unthinkable. I wrote to them but never mentioned his "interest" in me which got more and more intrusive. He bought a bikini and bullied me into wearing it so he could film me. Once he pulled the top down to expose my breasts and I think I just said "No!" and he protested he didn't think I'd mind. He'd burst into my bedroom without knocking. When a group of us went to Austria on holiday he came bursting into my room wanting to see what I'd packed and asked "Didn't you bring any undies?" He bought slimming cream and while his wife was out at work he sneaked into my bedroom and under my clothes.

My father was bad tempered and when I was a teenager was always bawling me out. My first boyfriend treated me with a total lack of respect and made nasty unfunny jokes to and about me in front of his friends. I grew up fighting for self-respect and regarded men with suspicion though I longed for a relationship which was characterised by mutual trust and respect.

In my 20s I became anorexic and the anorexia made me infertile when other women were starting families. I'm married now and realise I'm lucky but I think all child abusers should be named, shamed and punished.

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Comments for Creep For Uncle

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Mar 09, 2016
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your uncle was a creep and an abuser. You could be right about his interest in your mother when she was younger, but couldn't act upon it. His enjoyment of pop music was in part, a way for him to get closer to the children he abused. And there were likely others. The thing is with child abusers, they are primarily interested in young and very young children. And when those children get older, the interest in them is gone...which is when they look for another victim. It's all very sick and twisted.

You were an at-risk child, being put into a home with your mother so very far away and a father with a bad temper. With that kind of physical distance from your mother and a father you were probably afraid of, disclosing to them what George was doing wasn't going to happen. It's a form of self-preservation, Penelope. You would have been afraid you wouldn't be believed or that what was happening would be minimized. Not to mention the possibility of having to leave school. You didn't have the best role models in order to help you with a boyfriend selection, so I'm not at all surprised that your first was quite a nasty person. So of course you would regard men with suspicion. That's human nature.

What's important now is to find a healing path right for you. That could be counselling or it could be a variety of therapies available out there. When you do remember or a memory affronts you, recognize that it is just a memory. Pay homage to the feelings and emotions that you experience at the time. Then give it wings so it can fly away. Our bodies don't know the difference between living out an experience in the moment or reliving it in our minds. That means that even memories have the ability to create havoc within our bodies with disease, illness, and a host of unhealthy related issues. That's why it's critical to process what we've endured, look at it from a different perspective, then truly move forward in our lives. Don't just remember all the bad stuff. Remember the good. Find something positive to remember about your Self. You're a survivor, Penelope. And now it's time to become a thriver. The worst is over, except in your memories. And that is within your power to overcome, but you have to chose to take back your power first. I have the utmost faith that you will.

I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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