Confrontation with my Abusers is an email exchange between Shannon2 and her parents, after she confronted them about the abuse they have, and continue to, inflict on her. Shannon2 lives in Millbrook, Alabama, USA.
Shannon2 still deals with depression and persistent anger as a result of what she endured growing up.
Read her full story of physical and emotional is on this site.
PLEASE NOTE: If you are a child abuse survivor who longs to confront your abusers, it's important that you read this exchange before you do. Reading it may help prepare you for what might happen.
Shannon2 wrote me:
Over the weekend, I received a series of e-mails that were rather disturbing and almost tore my heart out. First, let me explain why I received these e-mails.
About a week or so ago, my mother and I got into a disagreement over my brother’s wedding. Basically, I wanted information about his wedding that I wasn’t able to get from him because he had been so busy from work. She was rather irritated about it and sent me a quite nasty e-mail. I was very upset . . . so for the first time in my life, I stood up to her and told her that her rude e-mail was uncalled for.
I knew as soon as I hit the 'send' button, I was going to be in for some trouble, but it was a chance I was willing to take. I had even told my husband and best friend, “my dad is going to call . . . mark my words”.
Sure enough, later than night, I had a voice-mail on my cell phone. My father called and said I was never to call again nor come by the house. He was “done” with me.
Then, I also received an e-mail from my father stating that I had better not send another nasty e-mail to my mother again. This only made me angrier, so instead of replying to my mother, I replied and sent it to my father. I stood up to him too. I was quite proud of myself and so was everyone else. They all told me “it’s about time”. I have to agree, but inside I was still terrified. I just knew that e-mail was going to cause problems. He never replied to that e-mail.
Saturday morning, I was checking my e-mail and saw I had gotten one from my mother titled FYI.
From Shannon2's mother:
Your mean and scary father has cancer. Yeah, that's right . . . cancer! Now you can tell your oh so hurting children why their mean and scary grandfather has not been spending time with them.
I have been trying to tell you for months that he has not been feeling well and was so tired all the time, but you chose to take it as a slight against you and your children. But then everything always has to be about you. You play the role of victim so well.
Please don’t bother to respond or try to contact us. We don’t need your fake care or concern. We know how you really feel about us and we don't need any unnecessary stress in our life at this time.
The next time you hear anything about your father, it won't be from me. You can read it in the paper.
If you had been an adult about this and handled the situation a little bit better, things would have never ended up this way. You only have yourself to blame. I wasn't going to reply to your e-mail because I didn't feel it deserved a response, but that little dig about my kids hit a nerve. Don’t ever speak of my children again. I don't care how angry you are with me; you will leave my children out of this. They have never, ever done anything to you. Good bye.
Shannon2 wrote me:
Certainly, I could have handled it a bit better, but I was very angry. Anyway, she replied and said I had twisted her words around, that she felt sorry for me, and that I needed to get help. Typically mother. She always thinks everyone is crazy if they don’t see things her way.
I wasn’t going to back down this time, so I replied to her e-mail. I know I shouldn’t have, but by this time, I was extremely angry.
I didn't twist anything. I know what I read. "My oh so hurt children". What is that? Does that make you feel better? Save your pity for someone who needs it. Certainly not me. I've accepted responsibility for my misfortunes a long time ago, and God has forgiven me. The sooner you accept responsibility for yours, the better off we will all be.
I can blame you because you blamed your mother. I quote, “I only did it because my mother did it to me." That is what you told me once in an e-mail you sent me.
I've waited a long time to ask you this; I suppose now is as good a time as any. Why the hell did I have to be punished for your mother's mistakes???
You spent half your life hating me for nothing. The only reason I ended up the way I did was because it was the only way to get attention from you.
Do you think I deserved being told, "I wish you were never born"? Yes, that still bothers me, especially coming from the woman who constantly tells me "Children didn't ask to be brought into this world." So what, that doesn't apply to me? Providing for your child physically and providing emotionally are two totally different things.
I grew up constantly craving your attention and affection and all I got from you was the cold shoulder. My neighbor treats his dog better than you treated me.
I've spent my entire life thinking I needed your approval and your love . . . how wrong I was. I didn't get it then, so why should I get it now.
You’re the one I feel sorry for . . . because you will never know how it feels to have a relationship like me and my daughter have. I cherish my children. They will never, ever feel unloved. They will always know that no matter what, I will always be there for them. There is NOTHING they could ever do that would turn me away from them. NOTHING!!! Nathaniel will never be as bad as I was . . . because he knows that his mother loves him. I can't say the same . . . I will never know how much my parents love me because every time we have a disagreement, they turn their backs on me.
But you are right about one thing . . . What doesn't kill us only makes us strong. Everything that has ever happened has made me a very strong woman. I may not be able to thank you for much, but I will thank you for that. I'm a good mother, wife and Christian, and that had nothing to do with you.
Her mother's response:
I am going to end this right here and now. You are right and I am wrong. I hope you don't get a nosebleed looking down at all us little people in your ivory tower. I don't ever want to hear anything more from you. I no longer have a daughter. Like I said before, whatever you need to tell yourself. You are sick and need help. Bipolar disorder doesn't go away.
Her father added:
It is a shame that you have to speak to your mother this way. You say you are a Christian? I think you really need to evaluate what a Christian is. From the sound of this e-mail, you have a very, very long way to go to consider yourself as a Christian. I will pray for you and your family.
As for this communication that is being done between you and your mother, please do not reply to this e-mail. Do not contact us ever again and forget we ever existed, as I am forgetting you ever existed. I feel stronger about this matter than your mother does. We do not, nor will we acknowledge we ever had a daughter. Have a wonderful and fulfilling life. You will never hear from us again.
Shannon2 wrote me:
I will admit that it still hurts, but I finally realized things will never change. They will never grow up. They will never admit that they did any wrongdoing where I am concerned.
All these e-mails made me open my eyes and realize that I am going to have to move on with my life without my family. I have my own family to care for and they need me. I've spent so much of my life consumed with what my parents did to me that I forgot about my own family. This has all finally ended and there is no going back, ever. This isn’t the first time they have cut me out of their lives, but as of now, it will be the last.Click here for another confrontation with my abusers exchange on this site.
NOTE: Information pages on this site were based on material from the Canadian Red Cross RespectED Training Program. Written permission was obtained to use their copyrighted material on this site.
From Victim to Victory
How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life
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