child abuse story of healing and recovery from PH was created August 28, 2006
and was originally posted on August 9, 2006 as story #26. When I created a new
page for healing stories, I re-posted as story #1.
is from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
following child abuse story of healing and recovery from PH depicts sexual
abuse at the hands of her father.
The child abuse effects on PH were low self-esteem, feelings of being "bad", shame, self-harm in the form of cutting her arms, eating disorders of anorexia nervosa, bingeing and bulimia, panic attacks, and agoraphobia.
Do you want to be heard?
been a number of years now since I was in the middle of all the chaos that
healing causes, but I thought it might be useful to post here.
was sexually abused repeatedly by my father when I was 7 (well it may have been
when I was other ages too, as I'm not sure how long it went on for, or exactly
how old I was when it began). I was born such a relaxed baby, and all those
early pictures of me are of this chubby, almost bald-headed child with a huge
grin. I wonder who I would've been had the abuse not happened, I wonder if that
huge laid back smile would have stayed.
abuse had quite far reaching effects on my life. I experienced massive levels
of overwhelming fear. I began to adapt my behaviour in order to try and avoid
another incident of abuse, which of course didn't work and led me to feel high
levels of shame, self-blame, and feelings of being "bad". I developed
crushingly low self-esteem, believed I was unlovable, that I was
"bad" and a terrible person, that if someone got to know me they
would find out how bad I really was, so I avoided letting people get to know
me. I was jumpy, hyper-aware of everything around me and desperate to please
everyone. I felt like I had rotted away inside. In my teens I began to cut my
arms and also developed an eating disorder which mostly involved starving
myself, but also bingeing and purging with laxatives. I was thin, and cold, and
so terribly wounded.
In my 20's my eating disorder had become so painful that I decided to try and heal it. Mostly through gently forcing myself to eat a normal amount and then just writing and writing until the distressing feelings subsided. I gradually became well. At this point, the issue of the abuse surfaced as very raw and my healing journey intensified. Unfortunately, a short way into my counselling, I had my first panic attack and developed agoraphobia, which then lasted 8 more years (a long time after I had stopped dealing with the abuse directly).
NOTE: Information pages on this site were based on material from the
Canadian Red Cross RespectED Training Program. Written permission was obtained to use their copyrighted material on this site.
Child abuse story of healing and recovery from PH re-formatted June 15, 2015
From Victim to Victory
How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life