A different approach... by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster
Jason, I hear the pain you're in, and I understand that pain. You don't want to die; you just want that pain to end. That pain CAN end, but only if you're willing to do the work required in order to change your thoughts about what happened to you.
I could write a host of validations about your stepfather's criminal treatment of you and your mother's enabling lack of action, but I'm not convinced it would truly help you.
Over the past few days, I've recommended some books to some of my visitors. I'm going to recommend them for you too, because I believe they hold the answers for dealing with pain...pain of any kind. The first one I'll suggest was written by Byron Katie, a woman who suffered through 10 years of manic and suicidal depression, then came out of her depressed state with a new way of approaching thought. Her book, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life is widely available right now. Dr. Wayne W. Dyer's recent release, Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao (pronounced "dow") is the other I would recommend. Consider these books. Consider doing the work involved. It would be irresponsible of me if I didn't say do consider some form of counselling while you are working with these books, someone who can help you as you deal with the emotional turmoil. You're worth that help, Jason.
Jason, I've been right there. I know what it's like to go thru the abuse and witnessing another's abuse, and I know how hard it can be. Remeber: It's YOUR choice who you are. NEVER LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE SOMETHING OR POTENTIALLY SOMETHING YOURE NOT!!! I know that the urge to lash out on others is real, but I feel that you are not one of those people. Youre girlfriend was right, you COULD be abusive. But you weren't. You CHOSE not to follow that path. And no one can control you. Your abuse may feel like something that could be used to someone else's advantage, but actually it has made you a stronger individual. You have the power to be whatever you want! You can do it! And you are not alone.... the urge to commit suicide is not a healthy one in the least, but it is a normal one. I tried to kill myself after a breif stint as an abuser. I learned that by abusing and trying to kill myself, I had let my abuser win. DONT LET THEM WIN!!! You are worth every second that you live, and so many people want to see you live. This is the truth. I lao encourage you to seek counselling. It may seem silly or pointless, or even not worth the time or money, but it will be worth it. Because you are worth it. Godbless, Nikki
