Comments for Child Abuse Story From Hayley

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Feb 27, 2012
 Hayley:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The first thing I must say to you is that your father is NOT right. Just because he's your father and he says things either directly or implied about your lack of self worth doesn't make it so. You see, HE'S the one with all the insecurities. What he says to you is a direct reflection of how he feels about him Self. I can understand that you are still troubled by the way he's mistreated you (and your mother). What I can tell you is that as an adult, you now get to choose your opinions and how you're going to treat your Self. Your father disrespects him Self, and just because he's taking that out on you doesn't mean you have to. What concerns me most is that you ARE following your mother's path with your boyfriend. If you can see your Self married to this guy who disrespects you and doesn't treat you with the dignity you deserve, then you need to seek out some form of counselling in order to understand that you ARE worthy of dignity and respect. Don't buy into the garbage that your father has been passing as conversation, and don't for one second longer take the garbage that this boyfriend is any better. You can't help your mother, Hayley, that's up to her. But you CAN help your Self. In fact, you're the only one who can. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Feb 27, 2012
 I think I can help!
by: Sam West

i read your story and it is very sad, but I really believe I have a suggestion which may help.

Part of the reason your Father talks down to you is because he expects the emotional reaction you provide.

Next time - please try this: When your Father makes a cutting remark, be silent and calm. Leave an appropriate pause before saying this:
"I am really sorry that you feel you feel you have to speak to me like that. All I did was xxxx and I just think your reaction was totally inappropriate. I am going out now for a little while because I feel upset. I hope you will have calmed down by the time I get back."

It may be best not to make eye contact while you say this, but being calm, collected and prepared will be the biggest surprise for your Father.

I think it will shock him (in a good way) and you know.... I think he might even be a little proud of how you handle yourself.

I think it is worth a try, but it is only my opinion.

Bye Bye from England by the way!

We have a lot of condescending people over here as well!!
x
Sam
Mar 05, 2012
 COMMENT ON CHILD ABUSE STORY FROM HAYLEY
by:

I'm curious as to what you are studying for in college. That boyfriend needs to learn that just because your parents are bummers, does not mean that you will tolerate any abuse from him and the sooner the better! Hopefully you can get work after college and move a thousand miles away from your dysfunctional upbringing. That's what I did and now, although widowed, have two very successful grown children. My husband & I did not parent them the way I was parented. Take a good look at that boyfriend before you go any further with him. GIVING HIM SEX WILL ONLY COMPLICATE THINGS!!! Hopefully that hasn't happened. Check research articles about abusive boyfriends. Google charactisitcs of IT'S TOO LATE! My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best. I see so much of myself when I was younger in you that I can't help feeling worried about you. Please check in again & let us know how you are doing.

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