child abuse story from Vanessa page was created July 22, 2007 and was
originally posted on July 12, 2007 as story #158.
is from London, Ontario, Canada
PLEASE NOTE: I have
edited this story for graphic content. As privacy laws dictate, I also removed
the last name of Vanessa’s abuser and replaced it with an initial.
following child abuse story from Vanessa depicts: sexual abuse, physical abuse
and emotional abuse, all at the hands of her teacher
The child abuse effects on Vanessa: fear, low self-esteem, distorted sense of love, belief that her abuser (teacher) was her boyfriend, plummeting grades, Vanessa dropped out of high school to live with her abuser and had a baby with him; she didn’t leave him until she caught him sexually abusing their baby; self-hate, self-blame
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When I was in grade 7 age 12, I was VERY smart.
I mean I got like mostly 70s, 80s, and my highest was 96% in Science. My lowest
was 75 in art. I loved reading. I read a lot of books at the public library and
our school library.
One day, I came home from school: "Mom I'm
gonna go to the library, I'll be back in about 2 hours!" I called. "I
don't think it's open sweety!" Mom called from the laundry room. "It's
okay. Mr. L likes me. He may be there and let me get some books," I said
as I left.
I got to the library with a fading smile as a
big CLOSED sign appeared on the door. I could see Mr. L through the window, putting
some books away and getting a bag from his desk. When he came out, he smiled. "Vanessa,
good to see you," he said, his brown hair in his young face.
"Um, hi Mr. L, I was wondering if I could
uhh check out some books."
He laughed. "That's why I like you, Vanny,
you never take CLOSED as an answer." Vanny, that had been his nickname for
me. He walked to his car, put his stuff in it and walked into the library, me
"How long do I have?" I asked.
He checked his watch. "45 minutes dear. I
have some work to do anyway."
I looked at books for about 5 - 10 minutes, and
sat at a table in another room, after gently closing the door for some peace. About
5 minutes later, Mr. L walked in.
"Hi" I said.
He smiled and sat beside me. "What are you
reading?" he asked.
"Um Un-Popular...it's a series" I
said. He nodded, got up and started rubbing my shoulders...I kept reading,
feeling really scared.
I finally set the book down when he kissed my
neck while reaching down my shirt. "Mr. L, stop it...please," I said.
"Get up," he ordered. Something made
me do as commanded. I got up. He stripped me and locked the door with his handy
keys. I started crying...I was trapped.
He raped me on the table. He made me rub myself
against the glass table, and he licked it. He touched, kissed and rubbed me.
After 30 minutes, I finally got dressed. I was too scared and sad to take my
books. I opened the door to leave, when he grabbed and pinned me to the wall. "Ill
see you on Wednesday then, will I?" he asked.
"But, it's closed" I said, sobbing
He laughed. "Oh no...not for you." Then
he aggressively started kissing me. As I left, he told me he loved me.
I had a test the next day...I later learned I
got 60 on it....
I didn't go to the library till Wednesday...when
I was there, he raped me, except it was on the children's colourful couches in
the kids area.
He said, "Vanny, I really love you...I
always have, and I can't hold it in any longer. You're my girlfriend now, all right?"
I then felt happy, I knew it was wrong...but I had a boyfriend....
I came EVERY library day, like on Fridays,
Mondays and Saturdays and our "special" days, Wednesday. While I was
there, I went into his private office and I hugged him. I acted like I loved
him too. I sat on his lap and kissed him, and wouldn't stop until he slapped
me, and said "ENOUGH." I was a little scared and hurt, so to make me
feel better we had sex.
It started getting more 'me' like when I was
with him. I' touch him without him saying so. He’d smile and kiss my
breasts...or...I'd be the one who'd start making out.
My grades slipped into the 70's and then just
70. I was in grade 8, and I thought I was MADLY in love.
It became a daily thing...One Friday night, I
told my parents I was going to a friend's house and I went to his house
instead. He had a dinner planned. We had sex that night, and I slept with him, I
didn't mean to fall asleep, its just he rubbed me. My parents didn't even
notice, since they go to sleep really early, that I arrived at home at like 5
in the morning.
When I reached grade 9, my grade average was 80,
so I was fine. I still 'thought' I loved Eric L. He told me I had to drop out
of high school to leave with him. I was 15, He was 29. I was convinced. At
least until grade 10, until I did drop out. My parents cried and cried. They
let me leave at almost age 17.
I lived with Eric (17-30); I know BIG
difference. After a month, he already got me pregnant. I thought this would be
my life. I loved Eric. We had a little girl we named Sarah. She'd been in my
stomach for 8 1/2 months. I was almost 18, almost in college. He said forget
about it. I had a job at McDonalds. My parents came there. I had my baby
strapped to me. They said hi, and they adored the baby, but as they left, they
cried. I did too.
Things got bad. When Eric came home from the
library he did me, with a crying baby in a carriage. I screamed at him. He hit
me. I told him why did I ever let him abuse me? I was 12, he was 25! He said
that he pictured a life between us. Two months later, I left because I saw him
sticking himself in our baby. I almost had to hurt him just so I could leave. My
parents took me back.
I really hate myself. I let an adult take me
over when I wasn't even in high school. I let myself think he was my life. I
was with him for about 6 years...I never loved him. He never loved me. He used
me for sex. I let these words ruin my life. "I love you."
Well...I'm 27 now. Eric's 38 or 39...I have 2
children, Sarah and Kara. My boyfriend's name is Rick. He beat the hell out of
Eric for ruining my life. I don't even let Eric see his kid.
All you abusers!!! You should never touch a
little kid and get them to drop out of high school, get them pregnant or get
them to live with you!!!
And all you who are abused...tell, cuz you don't
want what happened to me to happen to you...it ruins everything!! ;(
NOTE: Information pages on this site were based on material from the
Canadian Red Cross RespectED Training Program. Written permission was obtained to use their copyrighted material on this site.
Child abuse story from Vanessa was re-formatted June 13, 2015
From Victim to Victory
How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life