child abuse story from Racell page was created August 9, 2007 and was
originally posted on July 31, 2007 as story #169.
is from Singapore
following child abuse story from Racell depicts: emotional abuse and sexual
The child abuse effects on Racell: self-hatred, self-blame, self-harm in the form of cutting, inability to allow people to touch her, rage, shoplifting, eating disorders including binge eating
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I had hid parts of my life from so many people,
especially those close to me. Ever since I could remember, I was trying my best
to attract the attention and approval of my parents. They were never good with
praises, only full of criticism and jokes that always made me feel lousy
I was molested by a caretaker for so long and I
never realised it was wrong when I was in kindergarten till I was around grade
1/2. And another caretaker showed me porn and explained to me what was
happening in those blurry clips.
I was young, I hated myself. I couldn't look
myself in the mirror. The slightest criticism suddenly became such as a big
deal, like a confirmation that I had so many bad points and no good ones. I
started injuring myself, first, I realised that scratching myself till I bleed
had to be hidden. Gradually, I scarred my upper arm so bad that I didn't dare
to wear a sleeveless shirt for ages. I was only 9 and it was the way I coped
with the stress around me.
I hate it then and now when anyone tries to touch me or grab my hand. I'll shout at them, pull away from them or simply avoid these people, even friends. I started shoplifting when I was 10 and developed an eating disorder that made me lose 9 kg in about 3 months and then, I suddenly fell into binge eating. I'm still here with this problem and I hope so much that coming clean with my problems will help me face them better. I just want to be able to face myself and forgive myself...I'm 16 today.
NOTE: Information pages on this site were based on material from the
Canadian Red Cross RespectED Training Program. Written permission was obtained to use their copyrighted material on this site.
Child abuse story from Racell was re-formatted June 6, 2015
From Victim to Victory
How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life