Child Abuse Story From
Racell

Racell is from Singapore

The following child abuse story from Racell depicts: emotional abuse and sexual abuse

The child abuse effects on Racell: self-hatred, self-blame, self-harm in the form of cutting, inability to allow people to touch her, rage, shoplifting, eating disorders including binge eating

I had hid parts of my life from so many people, especially those close to me. Ever since I could remember, I was trying my best to attract the attention and approval of my parents. They were never good with praises, only full of criticism and jokes that always made me feel lousy afterwards.

I was molested by a caretaker for so long and I never realised it was wrong when I was in kindergarten till I was around grade 1/2. And another caretaker showed me porn and explained to me what was happening in those blurry clips.

I was young, I hated myself. I couldn't look myself in the mirror. The slightest criticism suddenly became such as a big deal, like a confirmation that I had so many bad points and no good ones. I started injuring myself, first, I realised that scratching myself till I bleed had to be hidden. Gradually, I scarred my upper arm so bad that I didn't dare to wear a sleeveless shirt for ages. I was only 9 and it was the way I coped with the stress around me.

I hate it then and now when anyone tries to touch me or grab my hand. I'll shout at them, pull away from them or simply avoid these people, even friends. I started shoplifting when I was 10 and developed an eating disorder that made me lose 9 kg in about 3 months and then, I suddenly fell into binge eating. I'm still here with this problem and I hope so much that coming clean with my problems will help me face them better. I just want to be able to face myself and forgive myself...I'm 16 today.