child abuse story from Pidel was originally posted on May 19, 2006.
is from Sachsen-Anhalt, Germany
following child abuse story from Pidel depicts the likelihood of sexual abuse.
The child abuse effects on Pidel were a panic disorder, eating disorder, panic attacks, learning problems, and suicidal thoughts.
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am 40 years old, and started therapy 3 months ago. I really don't know where to
the past ten years, I have had a panic disorder. That's why I finally started
therapy. I also have an eating disorder (I weigh 260 pounds) that started when
I was about 13.
grew up in the U.S. (where I lived from 1970 until 1984) with my mother, my
step-father and by brother (born 1972). It was a very frightening time, my
step-father being an alcoholic, with a lot of domestic violence going on.
the age of 17, I tried to commit suicide. At the age of 19, I left home and
have never returned since then. I became a hard-ass in my teens, trying to
survive without emotions. My problem is that I can't remember so many things. I
don't know if I was actually sexually abused or not. I have a fantasy in which
I am sexually abused by my step-father, but to me it is a mere fantasy. My
therapist told me that children do not create such fantasies and that something
must have happened. She also said that I have so many symptoms of abuse (eating
disorder, psychosomatic complaints, headaches, running away, suicide attempt,
learning problems--all starting during puberty--and then years later, anxiety
and panic attacks). I just can't remember anything. I [do] remember my
step-father hitting my mother and my brother, but never him hitting me. Which
is also not logical. All I have is this fantasy, which I have not been able to
talk about in detail in therapy yet.
am really scared. I never thought of such an outcome when I started therapy.
What if I can't remember anything--how will I ever know what has really
happened? I want the truth for myself. I have to know why I am the way I am and
where all of the symptoms came from that I have had for over 25 years.
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Child abuse story from Pidel was re-formatted June 8, 2015
From Victim to Victory
How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life