child abuse story from Karen was originally posted on March 9, 2006.
is from Madrid, Spain
following child abuse story from Karen depicts emotional abuse.
The child abuse effects on Karen: alcohol abuse and extremely low self-worth
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story is of emotional abuse, which pales in comparison to some others. But it
still needs to be told.
mother was not available to me emotionally. Her own childhood was shocking in
its bleakness and I am only beginning to understand the effects of that.
She always wanted children. Which makes me wonder what went wrong. I have to think that it was that she had all the right intentions but didn't have the skills/knowledge/support to go through with it. Or maybe the reality of having five kids was too much.
grew up thinking I was 'wrong'. Bad in some way that I couldn't understand.
That every thought I had was wrong. That I wasn't worth anything. I've spent 30
years of my life feeling shamed. I've never felt loved and as a result I don't
love myself - I've done all the things that would be expected: promiscuity,
drinking, reckless behaviour in general. My mother belittled me. She told me I
wasn't as good as my brothers and sisters. I don't know if I was singled out or
if I'm the only one who wants to admit what happened.
mother taught me many things:
not as good as anyone else
I need help I can't rely on it
I feel something, it's stupid
know that's all rubbish (intellectually - my emotions haven't quite caught up)
and I'm working through it all. I left home 13 years ago - I'm still working
I can't blame her. But I don't have to love her for it. I do believe it's possible to move forward and I hope I never forget the lessons of my childhood. I don't want to repeat them when/if I have my own. I have the skills/knowledge/resources to be a better parent. I'm worth it, and my future children are worth it.
NOTE: Information pages on this site were based on material from the
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Child abuse story from Karen was re-formatted June 2, 2015
From Victim to Victory
How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life