Child Abuse Story From
Karen

Karen is from Madrid, Spain

The following child abuse story from Karen depicts emotional abuse.

The child abuse effects on Karen: alcohol abuse and extremely low self-worth

My story is of emotional abuse, which pales in comparison to some others. But it still needs to be told.

My mother was not available to me emotionally. Her own childhood was shocking in its bleakness and I am only beginning to understand the effects of that.

She always wanted children. Which makes me wonder what went wrong. I have to think that it was that she had all the right intentions but didn't have the skills/knowledge/support to go through with it. Or maybe the reality of having five kids was too much. I grew up thinking I was 'wrong'. Bad in some way that I couldn't understand. That every thought I had was wrong. That I wasn't worth anything. I've spent 30 years of my life feeling shamed. I've never felt loved and as a result I don't love myself - I've done all the things that would be expected: promiscuity, drinking, reckless behaviour in general. My mother belittled me. She told me I wasn't as good as my brothers and sisters. I don't know if I was singled out or if I'm the only one who wants to admit what happened.

My mother taught me many things:

I'm unlovable

I'm not as good as anyone else

When I need help I can't rely on it

If I feel something, it's stupid

I know that's all rubbish (intellectually - my emotions haven't quite caught up) and I'm working through it all. I left home 13 years ago - I'm still working through it.

I can't blame her. But I don't have to love her for it. I do believe it's possible to move forward and I hope I never forget the lessons of my childhood. I don't want to repeat them when/if I have my own. I have the skills/knowledge/resources to be a better parent. I'm worth it, and my future children are worth it.