This child abuse story from Emma page was
created June 12, 2007 and was originally posted on June 6, 2007 as story #136.
Emma is from London, England, United Kingdom
The following child abuse story from Emma
depicts: sexual abuse and emotional abuse
The child abuse effects on Emma: feelings of guilt and responsibility; belief that her mother’s death was her fault; fear of bedtime; teen pregnancy due to the sexual abuse; Emma was forced to give up her baby for adoption and now worries about what is happening to him
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When I was 3, my mother died giving birth to my little
sister. It was around that time my dad used to sexually abuse me. All I
remember was that he would make me sleep in his room and wouldn't let me wear
clothing. He didn't either.
At first I didn't understand what he was doing, but because
it started when I was so young, I came to think it was normal. As time passed,
he would start touching me and got me to "play" with his penis saying
I would win the game when I made him cum.
When my sister turned two, she was allowed to join in. By
then I was 5, and it had escalated to my dad licking me and getting me to suck
him. He also started blaming my sister and I for my mother's death, saying it
was both our fault and if it wasn't for us she would be alive so we owed it to
him. He said that if we really loved him and our mommy, then we would do these
things for both of them because our mommy was watching us and we didn't want to
make her sad. He also said that if we told anyone that he would be taken away
and killed. After thinking it was our fault for our mom's death, we couldn't
face causing his too. He also said we would be locked in a special prison for
children where we had to eat bread and water and had no toys but would be beat
every day for the rest of our lives. I was so terrified of that, so I did everything
my dad would tell me.
When I turned 7, my dad started sending me to his friends'
houses. I don't remember how many different men it was, but it was certainly at
least 3 different men. I would go there for "sleepovers", where I was
made to give oral sex to these men. I remember they always held me close and
gave me presents and made me feel really special. I was their princess.
When my dad would say "time for another sleepover with
one of your special friends" I remember crying and begging my dad to let
me stay home, but he would always laugh it off, saying something like "oh
darling Emma, but you know (Mr. whoever) loves you so so much. You don't want
to make him sad, do you? I would be selfish keeping you all to myself wouldn't
I? Your mommy wouldn't like to see this, would she? Just remember, Mommy is
always watching you. If she was here today she would be the one taking you. You
know that baby girl, so do this for her and be a good Daddy's little lover."
Then he would reach up my skirt to pinch my ass and then make out with me. This
always made me feel guilty. He also bribed me by promising me something when I
came back. Usually it would be something on the lines of licking chocolate off
him or my sister so it was "fun" for both of us.
When my sister was 6, he started sending her to the houses
with me too. On my 10th birthday, I remember my dad saying this was going to be
the most special day of my life. It happened to be the day he first had sex
with me. I can remember crying and saying how much he hurt me and kept telling
him to stop it but he wouldn't until he was done. That's when I started to fear
bedtime. Eventually I just grew accustom to the feeling since it happened so
From then on, I had sex with my dad's friends. The same
thing happened to my sister when she was 10.
When I was 14, I fell pregnant. When I went to see the
school counselor, I burst out crying and told her everything. She called Child Services,
and my sister and I were taken away. My father got 11 years in prison, and they
only got one of his friends because I didn't know the real names of the others,
so they weren't able find out.
I was adopted by my aunt and uncle on my mother's side of
the family. A month before I turned 15, I gave birth to a baby boy I named, Jakson,
who's father I still do not know. My aunt and uncle made me give him up for
adoption. It was that or they wouldn't adopt me, so I did it.
I still feel guilty about giving my son away. I cry at night thinking what could be happening to him.
NOTE: Information pages on this site were based on material from the
Canadian Red Cross RespectED Training Program. Written permission was obtained to use their copyrighted material on this site.
Child abuse story from Emma was re-formatted June 1, 2015
From Victim to Victory
How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life