Child Abuse Story From Michael

by Michael
(Location Undisclosed)

For 15 years of my life I was sexually abused. It all started when I was around 8 I remember my sister used to want to touch my genitals or see them. Sometimes she would ask me to masturbate infront of her or have sex with animals. Later on my own mother would have me touch her while she was naked and even would go as far as to kiss me on the lips. I am now 19 years old and for the past 4 years of my life I've tried to forget about it by drinking it away. I can't seem to get rid of these memories and for a year now I've been thinking about suicide. I consider myself a freak, I can't even have someone touch me with out freaking out later or crying later. Idk what to do anymore.





Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jul 12, 2012
Michael:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What happened to you by obviously sick and twisted people in your life does not have to define you. You are not what happened to you. Who You Really Are comes from a much deeper place inside of you. Suicide sends the message that your abusers won...and they didn't win, Michael. You're still here and you survived what you had no control over. None of what happened was your fault, even if your body responded. Understand that it's not uncommon for a male victim of sexual abuse to have an erection, and to even reach an orgasm (even for females). This does not mean you weren't sexually abused. It simply means that your body responded to stimulus; and that is perfectly normal. If this happened to you, there is nothing to feel shame or guilt about. Shame, guilt and blame are squarely on the shoulders of your abusers. They had all the power, and they misused that power. You now have the ability to take back your power. But you need help doing that. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you gain perspective and help you deal with the effects of what you endured. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy, Michael. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 13, 2012
Michael,
by: AnonymousT

You are not a freak, you are not alone. This has happened to others and it's normal to feel as lost as you do.

Here's the important part; you survived the abuse, the memories can be survived too. You say you don't know what to do, well, you wrote here & that's a great first step.

There's numbers Darlene offers, have a look at them. Sometimes just talking helps. Writing too.

You didn't deserve the abuse. You are a bright, strong young man. You are not defined by what others did to you.

I wish you luck and healing.
T

Jul 13, 2012
resource
by: My Two Cents

There is another website which focuses on male survivors. It has a lot of resources for male survivors and it is directed at males. There is the option of peer support as well if you choose to make use of it.

Now, one comment. I do not personally recommend online peer support for the simple reason you don't know who you are talking to, if they have your best interests at heart, etc. However, I do understand that not everyone can access a professional counsellor and those who can may not get a counsellor qualified to counsel on sexual abuse issues.

Google "male survivor, sexual abuse" and you should see the site.

In the event that you prefer a live counsellor, universities have counselling centers and if you are employed, you may have access to employment assistance programming ( EAP).

There is one person in here that commented on a survivors story back in....? 2008? Who I thought really made some good points. It was a very similar story - male abused by sister and the commenter self id'd as a male. I'm going to try and locate it then copy/paste it here. Check back in a couple of days.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Jul 24, 2012
the comment I was thinking of:
by: My Two Cents

The other story is "Child Abuse Story From Taylor (Taylor is a male)" and the comment was left by Andrew. I've copied pasted the comment in its entirity. Took me a while to find it. Hope it helps.

Be Well.

My Two Cents



"As a guy, I totally get where you're coming from
by: Andrew

Taylor, you were groomed and sexually assaulted- period. Michelle manipulated a young impressionable boy and sucked him in so that before he knew it he was her victim, and then taught your sister to do the same.

You know that attitude out there that it can't be rape or sexual assault because guys want anything they can get? It's complete crap- testosterone is irrelevant. You were a young boy wanting it to stop and your mother failed you and your cousin and sister violated you- your cousin abusing your trust as a figure of authority and your sister using that violation of trust to blackmail you. Both wrong and both inexcusable and that's all there is to it.

If it's still happening, then you need to take a stand to make it stop no matter how old you are- I can tell you firsthand that these things don't just go away with childhood ending- they carry through to your adult life unless you make them stop!

You were abused, you were the victim and there's no shame or weakness in that, it just means you were a kid taken advantage of in a postion of power- the shame is Michelle's and Amber's to bear.

The funny thing about power though is that taking it back is as easy as making a choice. It's your body and it's your call as to who gets access to it-period! You've made the first step by posting here which as a guy and with the way society views any kind of abuse a guy suffers from (compared to women), that requires WAY more guts than it does for a woman to say something- well done! You've already made the first step and the rest will come just as easily."

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Child Abuse Story From Matthew S

by Matthew S
(Wisconsin, USA)

Sitting here by the lake at my hometown in Wisconsin reminds me so much of my childhood. It was a dark time in my life that I never really wanted to talk about even to my wife. Now at the age of 32 I could still clearly recall those moments back in the late 80s early 90s. I was abused physically, emotionally, and sexually. Hell those memories came back so vivid like a tap on the back.

I was brought up in a family of five: my grandmother, parents, and a brother 4 years older than me. We had some few good times but mostly I rather not talk about. Grandmom was my biggest hero, and when she passed away my world seemed to collapse. I was 9 back then and things started to go downward after her death, at least for me...

My parents weren't the type you would come up to hug and say "I love you." No, I have never said I loved them, neither do they. In their dictionary, the word 'support' probably did not exist. I felt lost during my pre-teen years up to high school. No compliment was made for me either. No matter how hard I tried to accomplish anything, a sport, a subject, anything... And I still remember that day when my mother told me that I was too stupid to ever attend college. It was a blow to my head and my heart. Almost everything that happened in the house was blamed on me. My dad although didn't take part much in any of our fight/argument, he had with himself like a body armor. I felt distant to him. He just didn't care whatsoever going on in the family. And my older brother, I could say that he was a real jerk back in the day. Maybe because he was also being suppressed by our parents that made him so arrogant and stubborn. He was pissed all the time and I was his punching bag. Knowing that he could not release his anger on anyone, he released it on me. I was pinned down by the neck, punched, and even dragged by my brother. I was 11 back then when he started hitting me with all his guts. But now I understand that he was just another abuse victim like I was. We were both neglected. Oh and did I mention also at 11 years of age I was sexually assaulted by my brother's girlfriend and him? It was too embarrassing that even now I couldn't shake off that memory every time I look at my brother's face. They made me stand against the wall and undress. There were nights that I stayed awake and just prayed to my grandmom. I loved talking with her; it made me feel relieved and sane. I used to cry a lot too, but I have never cried in front of anyone in my family.

My early years at middle school were pretty much a blur since I did not have that many friends to hang around with. I used to stay at a friend's house for quite a while after school. Frankly my parents didn't even care where I went. I ate at my friend's house and his mom even did the laundry for me.

Things got better when I got older. My parents and I didn't talk much anymore and I enjoyed that, since I didn't have to confront them as often. My brother stopped beating me when I turned 14, and himself moved away to college. I was still neglected by my parents; with no guidance I entered high school all by myself. And it wasn't too bad. I had quite a rough freshman year but soon I made very good friends, had a girlfriend and I started to get back on my feet since then. That was an accomplishment for me personally. Don't want to brag or anything but the girls liked my curly blonde hair a lot haha! And I finally met my girl, which is now my wife and we already have a gorgeous boy. I love my family so much that at a young age I made a promise to not become like my parents.

There are pages of dark memories that I cannot share fully. The things that happened to me did not kill me, yet they made me stronger. Soon my boy will be waking up from his nap and I need to prepare for a long drive back home tomorrow. Good day ya'll!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Aug 21, 2012
Matthew:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I commend and applaud you for breaking the cycle of abuse! Clearly, your parents were ill-equipped to deal with parenting. They were deeply troubled. Not only were you suffering at the hands of them, you were also suffering at the hands of an older brother who had no one to help him through his own rages. The entire environment was toxic. And you proved your strength by moving forward with you life, and from such a young age to boot! You now have a lovely family, one you cherish. I will pass along that it's not unusual for survivors of abuse to be triggered when their own children reach certain ages and stages. If that happens, try not to judge what is happening. Oftentimes, this is when the adult will say to them Selves, "But I thought I had already dealt with that!" If this happens as you move through YOUR ages and stages, and you find them overwhelming, please consider seeking out some form of counselling. Continue to be the beautiful person that you are, Matthew. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 22, 2012
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Matthew, first of all, my condolences to your grandma because I know what it's like to lose someone who cares deeply about you. Second of all, your so-called parents are wrong. You're not stupid; you're very smart and articulate; don't ever believe any of those nasty, soul-stripping names that they called you. They are deeply troubled and cruel. As for your brother, did I mention that they also abused him just by grooming him to be a bully to you? They didn't deserve to have such a special, smart, intelligent son like you; most of all, you didn't deserve to have such uncaring, unloving, ignorant, unbelievably ruthless parents nor an equally deeply troubled, cruel brother. I hope you cut ties with all of those people. It's not your fault that they hurt you; you are important; you are lovable. You are not to blame for their cruel, ignorant behavior; they are to blame; you didn't cause them to abuse you; they CHOSE to abuse you. I'm glad your wife is with you now because she's so sweet for doing that; I just hope you try counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From Jim

by Jim
(Location Undisclosed)

From the age of four i lived with a foster family which included my foster mum dad and a brothr who was eight years older than me. Everything was fine until when i was six my foster mum walked out and it was just me my foster brother who was then fourteen and my foster father and thats when the abuse began. It started one evening when i had gone to bed and my foster father and brother came into my room and my foster fathr explained to me he was going to use me to teach his son about sex and that first he would demonstrate on me and then he would let his son try till he got it right, this started out as simply masturbation and fondleing but proggesed onto oral and then anal sex with them bot, aftr a few weeks of these sex lessons they then told me one night that the lessons were over now as his son knew what he was doing and that from then on i would have to share the bed with them both each night so they could use me for sex. This happened untill i was thirteen and finally had the courage to tell someone




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Sep 09, 2012
Jim:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The fact that you told showed tremendous courage. What happened to you at the hands of a sick and twisted excuse of a "foster" father is not your fault. You were used and abused, betrayed and abandoned. It is always disturbing when a child is abused; and when that child has been placed in foster care as a result of abuse, it is up to the system to ensure that child's safety. You were completely let down by that system, Jim. And you were let down by a foster mother who chose to abandon you. I do hope you are in some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with what you endured as a child. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 10, 2012
thank you
by: jim

Darlene.. thank you for posting my story and your kind comments. I thought it would be polite for me to let u know that yes i have had therapy for what i went through, im now in my 30s and although i still have issues about trust and relationships i now live with my boyfriend of 2 years who thankfully is very caring and patient with me :)

From Darlene - Webmaster: I'm very happy for you, Jim :)

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Child Abuse Story From Domanik

by Domanik
(Location Undisclosed)

I was just a 6 year old boy when i started gettin sexually abused by my older brother it happened over a period of 3 years he would come in my room and say it was alrite and i couldnt tell anyone or id get into trouble an i believed him so i didnt tell when my mom and dad divorced and i moved in with my dad my brother went of to college as he just grduated from high school i thought i was done being abused but my dads best friend who i thought was so cool cuz he took me to the movies and the park was actually a real jerk i was his tool at least that what he told me and he abused me so often that i tried to come up with ways not to feel any pain when he showed up and my dad got drunk and passed out i ended up drunk too i was twelve after 3years of him doing the most disgusting things possible i moved back with my mom and i had a brief time with her as she wasnt really in my life at that point cuz after the divorce she really didnt have anything to do with us so when i tried to tell her she wasnt really listening so nothin was done and i was sent back to live with my tormentor and the abuse continued till i turned 18 but by then i had stopped struggling with him and just did like i was told i became that monsters tool the scars may fade but my memories make it feel as though it happened yesterday and i really cant help but think that there must have been something i could have done to fight back more and not given in im 19 now and i can still see him needless to say i dont go near my dads house when hes around i generally run in the oppisite direction. I wonder if that makes me a coward.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jul 17, 2012
Domanik:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You did NOTHING wrong. You were not and are not to blame. You have no shame or guilt to bear. Blame, shame and guilt are squarely on the shoulders of your abusers. Period. End of story. Both your brother and the other pedophile took advantage of your vulnerabilities and your youth. They both "groomed" you so that you would keep the secret. You choose the path of least resistance in order to survive in an environment that was basically loveless and unbearable. You were neglected by the people who were responsible for keeping you safe from harm, and even worse, thrown into a multitude of situations that set you up for sexual abuse. And now you're judging your Self for the decisions you made when you were too young to be able to protect your Self. And you WERE too young to protect your Self. You are applying adult more mature values to choices you made and didn't make when you were in an impossible position; and that's not being fair to your Self, Domanik. Not fair at all. You did what you had to do in order to survive. You see, they had all the power, and they misused that power in a vile way, a way that left you vulnerable to a dynamic that is difficult for you to understand. You probably were not the only one; pedophiles often have multiple victims and they don't stop until they are made to stop. Reporting what they did to you is one way to make them stop. You didn't have power before. You have power now. At 19 years of age, when you're now in a better place to put an end to the abuse, you've taken your power back. You need to see it this way...you most definitely are NOT a coward to run as far as possible now. That's not cowardly, that's courageous! The next courageous step is to seek out some form of counselling or therapy for your Self. Always remember that there is no shame in what you endured. What would be a shame is if you didn't get the help you need so that you can begin to live your life in a way that is free from the burdens you now carry, burdens that aren't yours to bear. Call one of the numbers on my hotlines listed stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. And please, get out of that environment; it's toxic to you. I send you love, light and healing energy, Domanik. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Nikki

by Nikki
(California, USA)

I am 15 years old now but ever since I was little I would always get beat
The beating got worse my freshmen year.. I had a boyfriend named R-- and Im a cheerleader too...so what happend was I did have cheer practice and then it got canceled...so I thought okay staying after school for an hour isnt that bad...(I also didnt have my phone that day)
So I was with friends hanging out where we usually do...and I was standing in frount of R-- and I kissed him a couple times and that's pretty much it..and I guess my older crazy brother found out I did not have practice and he saw me kiss R--..I was talking to him and all I remember is getting pushed to the floor my brother threw my stuff and yelled lets f***ing go... I was scared and so was the people that saw... He wad full on anger and he was yelling at me and I was scared..we got to thr car and he calls my dad! My dad is yelling at me and saying he is going go beat my a** when he gets home...me and brother finally get home and he tells me do my homework in a angry voice and so I did... First my mom Comes home yells at me more and calls me a dirty sl*t and a wh***....and I'm crying and then finally my dad comes home ....he pushes me to the floor and starts to hit me and he is grabbing me by my hair and throws me in our pool and drowns me... I was so scared and terrified... Then he starts hitting me again and tells me to go take a shower and after we had a long talk!!!
So the next day...I really needed to tell someone what happend and I needed to talk to someone!!!!!!! So I told this girl J-- about it and I start crying and she starts crying...I told her please don't tell anyone....well she did she told the school and CPS came in and I had a talk with them.. The lady asks me..do you want to stay with your parents I said yes because I Love them... During lunch that lady goes and has a talk with my dad and he didnt get in trouble I still got in trouble

Okay well that was back in October....now I have a new story that happend 7/18/12 so I got a text from a friend asking if I wanted to go to a party and I said I will ask but I'm not telling my parents about the party just sleep over..so my parents were okay and they told me don't leave the house...but stupid me didnt listen and went off to that party..but before I even got that text I was like I'm going to get ready for no reason today and so I was looking good...okay so my dad dropped me off at there house and I'm like cool let me change so I did I put on short shirts confers and a top that said dream but the party didnt start til 10..then we finally get there and The girl who party we were at said walk though the gates so I did and I did not know anyone there and it was all her older sisters friends!!!! And we are standing there awkwardly and then I saw people I know who is my age and we just sat and talked but the older kids were smoking weed and drinking!! We did not have one taste of anything!!! So we were like let's leave this Is not cool...so as we were walking out and the cops were there and so we walk out and they made us sit on a curb and call our parents..i was freaking out! Because I lied to my dad so I had to call him and I can tell he was pissed and upset! We told the cops we did not do anything bad we thought this was a regular party but it wasnt ... So my dad gets there and I'm scared and my friends are laughing and then the cops say I can go...so I get In the car and as we pull away he slapps me about 4 times and pulls my hair and yells at me and said I could of got raped and or anything and I was crying and he was yelling so I get home and my mom starts yelling and I get pushed to the floor and getting hit and everything was going bad..my parents went nuts..so my dad and mom are calling me a wh**e and tramp and everything because the way I dressed and my dad is yelling at me to take a shower so I'm crying in shower and I can hear my mom destroying my room and I get out and she starts to hit me and the only thing I have is a towel and she is still yelling and hitting and I'm crying and they even said I was a f***up and a LIER and I literally want to die now... I cant Take it anymore!!!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jul 23, 2012
Nikki:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Parents have the right to discipline, but they don't have the right to harm you. There needs to be consequences to your behaviour, but they need to be appropriate consequences. Your parents went too far when you did what you knew you weren't supposed to do. Parents do that sometimes when their authority has been challenged and they were lied to. Again, that doesn't make abuse right. Remember, Nikki, when you lie to your parents they will have difficulty trusting you; and then you'll have trouble earning their trust again. I do know how difficult it is growing up in an environment that seems to always be looking for ways to find fault in you, and how much you want to enjoy your life when your parents seem to just want to make sure you never have fun. They do know more than you, but you'll never earn their trust by lying. Their behaviour is on them, but YOUR behaviour is on YOU. When your parents say terrible things to you and call you names, they are crossing a line. They may well be doing it out of fear for you, but that doesn't make it appropriate and it doesn't make it true. Don't EVER believe you are those nasty names. You had the presence of mind and maturity not to drink or smoke weed at that party and to leave; that shows me that you have the self-respect to do what is right. I give you such high marks for that! Your parents were so angry and fearful, they failed to see that wonderfulness about you. I will also say that you have a great friend in J--. She didn't keep your secret. I applaud her! That was the best thing she could have done. It was her moral obligation to do so. So please don't ever demonize her for telling. It took great courage for her to do so, and she did it out of caring, compassion and love for you. That's what a true and loving friend does. And now you need help again. Please consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

I send you love, light and healing energy, Nikki. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 23, 2012
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Nikki, next time they lay a hand on you ever again, please consider reporting them to the authorities ASAP; children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. Darlene is right; please tell someone you trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Aug 07, 2012
Speak up & Be Honest
by: Ella

Nikki this isn't something that should be happening to you or any other child matter of fact. i understand disciplining but what your parents are doing is more than that. Nikki please tell someone before they do it again. and on your behalf please try to be more honest with them. lying isn't the right thing to do and your parents response to that wasn't the least bit appropriate but still tell someone and please be more honest. that's my advice to you.

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Child Abuse Story From Nikki For My Daughter

by Nikki
(North Dakota, USA)

My story is about my 9 year old daughter! We were at the mall and somebody i dated in the past was there. I started talking to him just wanted his phone number as a friend! He asked if he could hang out with my daughter and I. I saw no harm in that. We sat down as i just got done with work. He was a little tipsy and started to play with my daughter with a toy she got for a prize. He said lets go swimming. I told him the pool was closed. He said he can brake in. I said no. Later on I told him i would give him a ride home. I wanted to be nice cause i thought he was a friend. When we got into the van he said that he did not want to go home. So we end up driving around for awhile and listen to music and talking. He wanted to drive. I said no cause he was tipsy. He sort of got upset. I drove around then end up parking for a bit on a side of the road. He had a drink in his jacket he pulled out. He offered me some. My daughter told me no mom. But i had a long day at work and thought a couple of sips would not hurt. So i think i took 2 sips. My daughter was playing with my cell phone. We started talking again and he then went down my pants and up my shirt really fast. I did not think it was a issue or a problem at that time cause we did date in the past. So i thought he was trying to just be friendly or he remembered the past. I started to drive again to go over to his cousins house. When i got there he said that he will be right back.When he left the van i was talking to my daughter. Told her lets leave him here cause it is getting late and u have to go to the bathroom. But she did not want to cause she wanted to play playstation with him. I had feelings like i should leave him there and had feelings of that would be mean ect..and he seemed nice. When we were getting ready to leave he came back into the van. Then we headed home. After we got close to home i asked him again where he was staying at he said his moms. She lived across the street from us. so i pull into the parking lot and saw that my husband was not home yet. So i drove around the lot thinking if i should go looking for him or not. Both my daughter and friend said who cares. He was getting a little upset so i kind of was gettimg suprious. but was not sure. cause my daughter seemed to trust him. And i thought I could to. He did not seem the type that would do anything. They both got out of the van and went to one of the doors. I sat in the van and was thinking. I had things in my head like thinking about the past when we were dating he never touched my daughter then so why would he do it now? Should i call the cops but he did not do anything wrong? Should i go across the street after i get emy daughter from the door? Should i drive the van around to the door to get my daughter and leave in a hurry? I got out of the van and went to the door to let them in. And when we went up the stairs my daughter told me that he was buzzing doors to get in. I thought he just need to use the bathroom or thought he was just excited to play games on playstaion, movies, wii ect.. He seemed very nice playing with my daughter like a father would play with their children tickling, playing with toys acting silly ect.. But as i was unlocking the door to the apartment i thought maybe he might do something did not know for sure what? What if he hurts my child? But he seems so nice. And we were bored and wanted a friend to hang out with. And thought he never hurt my daughter or me in the past. And she seemed to trust him. When i unlocked the door we all went in. my daughter walked to her bedroom to get her games for playstation. I was watching him he was peting the cat as soon as i closed the door and put down my keys and purse he went into her bedroom! the door was locked! I tried to confince him to open up the door or my daughter to! I heard mom from my daughter! I asked what honey? Cause at the time i did not know for sure what was happening! Then after i could not hear her anymore and trying to confince them to open the door that was not going to happen! I really did not know what to say cause i thought if i would say something wrong he would hurt her worse! I stood there in shock i hit shock stage! And was frozen for a bit did not know what to do and confused! Had things running throught my head that i just wanted to get her out of there! I did not know what was really happening in there. I knew at this point that it had to be something! I was praying to the angels and god to help her get out of this! As i went to get my phone and something to try to open the door like a screwdriver the door opens and he runs out! I saw my daughter picking up change of his. He ran past me and grabbed a knife from the kitchen! And said the he is a bad guy very bad guy and that he was going to kill himself! I told him that u are not going to do that here! I don't want to see it and i don't want my daughter to! She don't need to see that. He walked over to me with the knife and i backed up a bit cause did not know what he was going to do. He sat down put his head on my chest and kept saying i'm a bad person i kept lying to him saying no u are not trying to get him to calm down. A little bit later he sit up on my couch i and said it again the he was a bad person i just looked at him told him to get out! He got up and grabbed another knife and walked out the door. I told my daughter cause she asked if she could go on the computer i said yes u can and i promise her that i will be back that i was just going to be in the hallway. Caue i was afriad that he was going to take that knife and hurt another kind or person! So i was trying to get it back! We were talking he had his head in my stomach and starting to cry Thinkig about his two kids ect.. He said i want to have sex with u! Thats when i got the gusts to ask he if he hurt my daughter and he said no i did not hurt her! at this point i knew he was lying! cause i looked at my daughter standing in the hallway when he was on the couch! And she is not sleeping she is on the computer. I thought why would i give u sex u hurt my 9 year old that i love very much and she did not derserve this at all! Why do u have to be such a creep! So i told him no i'm married! He said who cares. I said i do. I got the knife away from him. He ask me if he could touch my for 5 mins i wanted to say no but i thought about my child! fearing that he might hurt her again or try to push his way in agian! And i was standing by the door to get back in! so i let him for like 2 mins till i could not stand anymore! and told him he had to leave! he said that was not 5mins. I opened the door really fast and locked it!! He left! I sat right down with my daughter me almost in tears cause i wish and wish he would not have done this to her! I mean she is only 9 years old! What did she do to deserve this? When i sat down talkinnf with her i asked her if he hurt her or touched her at all? I frist she said no mom. Then I asked her again about a couple minutes later and i said are u sure? She then said yes mom he did! I asked her what did happen in the bedroom? She said he touched me. I wanted her to tell me more cause we need to call the police! So i asked her what happened after u said mom? She said he pushed her down at the time she said mom! Damn if iwould have known that sooner for sure i would of tried and tried to brake the door down! i was crying trying told hold it in cause did not want her to see it. cause trying to stay calm for her sake! Then i asked why was there no noise after that? She said cause after he pushed her down he chocked her and she could only breath out of her nose! So she could not speak either! Then he pulled down he pants and barely touched her down there and she pee on him! That is when he run out saying shit! When the cops came over she told him everything but almost started to cry but did not. Her eyes were really red around the outside of her eye lids and aroud her eyes! That is another way i knew something happened!The cops did a police report and took pictures of the knifes and my hands the knife had cut us. And the mark on my daughters neck from choking her. They said they did not have to do a rape kit cause she was not raped just barely touch down there.I did not tell the cops what he did to me cause i forget at that point cause i was really concerned for my daughter and scared!We slept together that night as i hold her i started to cry myself to sleep! And the next day they found him at the center and arrested him! I blame myself for it cause as a mother i should had saw signs! I feel like i failed as a mother but i was in shock and now playing it back i should of broke down the door! It has been about 4 months now since it happend. And i still blame myself Cause i had some doubts before we went upstairs to the apartment! But i thought that he has be with her before and that he would not do such a thing! Since this is somebody we thought was a friend and it only happend once I wonder if she will ever forget it or will she be able to move on and have a good life.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Nikki For My Daughter

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Sep 13, 2012
Nikki:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I've had to edit some of what you wrote because it did not fit in my template. I have, however, addressed some of your concerns below.

Even a one-time incident can have life-long effects on a child. Chances are she will NOT forget, and even if she does, it'll likely be temporary, and the assault will still likely have long term effects on her. This was a traumatic experience, Nikki. Not only what happened to her, but what she witnessed afterward. You must operate on the basis that your daughter has been adversely affected by this assault and the threats with the knife. She needs professional help, and so do you. You must stop worrying about whether or not your daughter will blame you and instead do what you must to help her going forward. Please seek out some form of counselling for your daughter in order to help her deal with the ongoing aftermath, which includes the fact that you were the one who brought this man into her life (don't make excuses, just know that your choices HAVE had a traumatic impact on her) and you did not act fast enough to stop the assault from happening (again, no excuses, just the facts of what SHE will be dealing with). That's not passing judgment on you, Nikki; it's telling you the facts. But for the sake of your daughter, you must stop making this about you so that you can make healthy decisions for her. You are her mother, and part of your responsibility is to keep her safe and get her whatever help she needs. I mentioned that you need help too...please seek out counselling for yourself in order to help you deal with all that happened, your own feelings about what happened, but also to learn boundaries, boundaries for your daughter and for your Self. The two of you can and will get through this, but you must first make the healthy choices to help you both get there. I send you and your daughter love, light and healing energy, Nikki. Thank you for sharing yours and your daughter's story with my visitors and me.

And to my visitors reading this story, be very careful what you comment here. I will not permit nasty comments or judgment.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Alessandra

by Alessandra
(Location Undisclosed)

I am 16 years old. I have been abused by my father for about 6 years now. It is mostly emotional but physical as well. My dad will come into my room and call me names and then ask me doesn't this bother you and then hit me. I have suffered a sprained wrist, broken finger and many bruises. It makes me upset becuase the other night we actually had a family dinner and I tried to talk to my parents about what has been going on but they told me that I dont have the right to question their parenting ways. I suffered a severe fracture in my foot due to my dancing and he purposely stomped on it and laughed. I haven heard I love you or received a hug from him in so long that I truly believe that he doesn't love me. My mom kind of just sits on the sidelines and pretends like nothing is going on. This hurts me becuase whenever she gets involved she always takes my dads side.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Alessandra

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Jul 08, 2012
Alessandra:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

While parents have the right to discipline, they do not have the right to inflict harm. Something is seriously wrong with your parents for them to mistreat you. Please talk to someone about what is happening to you; a trusted teacher, a school counsellor, the parents of a friend, or a church elder. I'm concerned that if you don't, your father will escalate his violence towards you, and then do much more serious harm. You can also contact an abuse hotline. You didn't say where you live, but if you go to the hotlines listed on my stories page, you can find a number for where you live so you can talk to someone confidentially. If you're in the USA, it's Child Help. Always remember that what's happening to you is NOT your fault. And always remember that you are worthy of being treated with dignity and respect and love. Make sure you treat your Self with dignity and respect and love. Don't believe the lies that you are getting from home about who and what you are. Tell your Self that you are kind and loving and compassionate and worthy, even when others do not; that is the REAL truth about who and what you are. I send you love, light and healing energy, Alessandra. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 08, 2012
Response
by: Alessandra

I have been currently talking to my dance instructor whom I have known for 11+ years as I really trust her. My dad isnt involved in my dance life becuase he would prefer that I don't dance he tells me that I am horrible and have no hope. The dance instructor has never met my father but knows my mom well. After about a week of talking to her she said that we had to do something about it. My mom is a totally different person at home and sometimes that is hard for people to understand. She told me that she was going to tell my mom what I had been telling her and I said no becuase I would end up suffering from it. Instead I waited for a time that just me and my mom where home ad explained how I felt about all of this. She said she would talk to my father and tell him that he needed to stop. I don't know if this is true or if she is going to stay true to her word. I guess I just have to give it time and leave it up to my mom. Is this my fault? My mom always says stop annoying him an he won't hurt you!

Jul 08, 2012
i really hope this turns out well....
by: My Two Cents

Alessandra,

None of this is your fault. Nobody, NOBODY, has the right to hurt you and humilate you.

I am a little worried about what you wrote in your response to Darlene's reply to your original message.

I am not sure you are aware of it, but as an instructor, your dance teacher has a legal responsibility to report suspected abuse to the local child welfare department. It seems that instead of taking that approach, she has decided to intervene directly by speaking with your mother and apparently when that didn't work, she now plans to speak with your father?

I am worried about what will happen to you once the "secret" is public. Once your father speaks to your dance teacher and realizes that you've told people what is happening.

I get that your dance teacher is trying to help you. I don't think she realizes how serious the situation is. I have a degree in social work but I'm not employed in the child welfare field and I wouldn't investigate something like this myself. I would report it to child welfare authorities and let them investigate as they are best equipped to help you.

Now, like I wrote, I'm worried about how this is going to end. I hope it works out, that your father never does this again when he realizes the impact it's having on you. In the event that he becomes more enraged, are you able to stay safe, such as by spending time at a friend's house?

Maybe something to consider to going to child welfare yourself, with your dance teacher for support if you want, and letting them know what is going on?

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Jul 08, 2012
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Alessandra, that isn't discipline; that's just torture. They are deeply troubled. You are not to blame for his sadistic behavior nor are you to blame for your mom's behavior; they are to blame; you didn't cause them to abuse you; they CHOSE to abuse you. They've got all the power, they chose to misuse that power over you. As for telling someone you trust, even if your dance teacher couldn't help you, don't give up; just keep telling until someone (besides the dance teacher) will finally listen to you and help you.

Jul 09, 2012
No it's not your fault.
by: AnonymousT

Your father abuses for so many reasons that have nothing to do with you.
We could fill in the blank here with just about any stereotypical reason for why abusers abuse. But here's the thing, it's HIS reason - it's HIS choice. Any of the things that happen that cause a person to abuse always filters to ONE thing: CHOICE.

You have choices too. You may only be 16 but you still have free will and a strong, articulate mind.
You can choose to keep telling. You can choose to know HIS actions are not because of you. You can only answer for yourself...you can only be in charge of you. So now it's your choice to do what you feel is right for you.

To question his actions will never give you answers. Only question yourself. Have I done what I can? Am I happy with my choice? Things like that.
You are capable of anything. You make your destiny.

T

Jul 11, 2012
Response2
by: Alessandra

My dance teacher never talked to my mom. She encouraged me to do so. When I talked to my mom she seemed very willing to try to make it stop. There has been changes but not really any that matter. Now after my dad hits me he says sorry in the dumbest voice. I hope this stops soon!

Jul 11, 2012
TELL someone
by: My Two Cents

Hoping and wanting it to stop aren't enough. You need to tell someone this is going on, like a social worker, a doctor, a police officer, a teacher.

I know it's scary, it's horrible to have to say to someone that your dad is doing this to you. What's the alternative? Hope it stops? If I'm remembering correctly, he's been doing it for six years now?

If you want this to stop, you need to be brave and tell the people who can help you what is going on. I really hope the next person you tell helps you by letting child welfare know.

Alessandra, you deserve to be safe. Please help yourself to be safe by reporting this.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Jul 14, 2012
Child Abuse is a crime
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Anonymous, this thread is exclusively for comments to Alessandra, comments that are encouraging and supportive to her. I've therefore copied & pasted your post onto my child abuse stories invitation page. I will post it live as Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed136 in the coming days. Thank you for your understanding.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir




Jul 28, 2012
so.....where are things now?
by: My Two Cents

Hi, I hope you check back. I'm really hoping you're ok.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Jul 28, 2012
Response
by: Alessandra

Its still happening but less and less. The hitting rarely occurs he still likes to make fun of me though. I am giving it time seeing as it is improving little by little. The only times that it still gets bad is when it is just me and him at home. It gives me great hope that things are actually improving.

Jul 29, 2012
I'm glad to hear...
by: My Two Cents

Alessandra,

I'm glad to hear things are improving and I hope it continues.

Please remember that you have options and don't have to put up with mistreatment. You don't deserve to be struck or insulted, especially by your caregiver.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

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Child Abuse Story From Emily

by Emily
(USA)

Molestation: 
It all started then I was in bout second grade. My mom as going to college nd found a best friend there, who had a daughter my age and an older son. So she would bring me over to her best friends house while they would study so I could play. I instintly loved the daughter A-- but had a weird vibe about the son D--. well at first he just always wanted to play with us but as a few month went by and our family started hanging out all the time he began to start touching my boobs but saying it was on accident. So I told my mom and she said I'm sure be ment nothing. So I was like mybe this is all in my head. Well then he was doing it more and more be now grabbing my privates. I once again told my mom and she blew me off so I was just like whatever it's just me making a big deal out of nothing. Well then this one time we were playing truth or dare and he dared me to take my top off nd I said no I'm not playing nymore and started to walk off when he grabbed my arm and started kissing my cheeks and then my neck and then my lips. I tried to get him off but I couldn't. And then when I had to stay over there for the night and take a shower he would come in the bathroom and look at me but I'd always scream so he'd leave. But while I was sleeping he'd always be looking over at me and staring at me. One morning I woke up and his hands were in my pants. After that he backed off a little for a few months but was still growling me, well then I wake up and his h d in in my pants again and I'm trying to push him off but he's holding me down and fingerIng me hard and hurting me. I never told my mom about that because I thought she wouldn't believ me. Well thn we moved a state away and I told her last year. I am 14 now. She had thought something was going on cuz I went from this happy bubbly kid to someone who was having anger outburst, scared of boys, social anxiety, insomnia, and would cry in my sleep D-- please stop I won't tell. Well I'm admitting that it has messed up and controlled my life. I started getting worse even pushing my mom when she calls me out of that I need therapy. Last week we had a really big fight and she said she will only have something to do with m if I get help. So I guess I'm going to. And I still am having trouble forgiving her and my dad for blowing it off. The molestation went on for 3 years. So well see if I can get help and get my life back.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Emily

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Sep 28, 2012
Emily:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I understand what it's like to be in a position where you are not being protected and kept safe from harm. I also understand the anger you feel at being "blown off" by your mother when you told her, not once, but twice. Clearly, she failed to see the gravity of the situation. Right now what's important is for you to get the help you need to deal with what happened at the hands of the pedophile who sexually assaulted you, and to help you deal with the betrayal you feel toward your parents. Getting this kind of help can help you get your life back on track, but that means you must be willing to do the work required. Therapy is a commitment to your Self. A commitment to honesty. A commitment to allow your Self to feel, fully feel all the emotions trapped inside you. Just remember that you've already gotten through the worst of it: the abuse itself. The rest is about dealing with your feelings and emotions. I have faith that you will come through this in a way that will eventually turn your pain into power. I send you love, light and healing energy, Emily. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 28, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Emily, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 5 separate comments from this particular commenter who leaves posts that are judgmental and wholly inappropriate. I cannot block her, but I'll continue to delete her comments before they ever go live on the site.

Nov 24, 2012
That's messed up!!!
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry this happened to you, you didn't do anything to deserve this!! But, as I learned from my own experiences, if your parents ignore you, you have to take matters into your own hands. Just scream, "quit touching me in my crotch!!" If he does it while your mom is there. She'll be like, "what's going on up there?" And if you're luckey, she'll catch him in the act. But whatever you do, remember that you did nothing wrong, and no one will get mad at you for telling them about this.
XOXOXO!!!

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Child Abuse Story From Sam M

by Sam M
(Chicago, Illinois, USA)

Six years ago when I was 11, I was attacked by a pedophile. It was a camping trip in Wisconsin with my family. I was a boy without fear of anything until that incident occurred. It still haunts me til this day whenever I walk into a public changing room or restroom.

I think that pedophile was following me into the changing room because I heard him walk into the cubicle next to mine. A few seconds later I noticed that he was taking photos of me through the opening under the cubicle's door. Somehow I was too scared to say anything; thinking that he would attack me if I screamed. I hurried to get out. I had butterflies in my stomach and my hands started to shake. I realized that I was going to get abused. And as soon as I pushed the door out, the pedophile was already in front of me. I was too scared to look at him directly, instead I bowed my head and looked at the floor. I choked in my own tears and couldn't make a sound. He pulled my swim trunk down and touched my privates. He then did the most disgusting thing with his mouth. It all happened in less than a minute when another person walked in. The pedophile stood up and walked right out saying: "Hurry on Zachary I'll be waiting outside." At that point I fell to the ground traumatized of what had happened. That pedophile even tricked the other person to believe he was my father.

I did not tell my parents; knowing that they would give me a hard time and it would ruin the holiday. Instead of walking back to my parents, I headed straight to the lake to cool myself down and wash my tears.

After the incident I thought of a million ways that I could have done to not end up in that changing room. I could have saved myself if I was more brave. It took me some time to stop blaming myself. I want to send out a message to all kids out there that keeping silence is only going to hurt you. No matter what, you need to take control of the situation and seek help immediately. But please, if bad things ever happen, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF, mark my word. Bad things happen in the most unexpected way; no kid at that age would have known how to defend themselves. They are at the mercy of their abusers like I was. Please let an adult you trust accompany you, do not go alone.

Thank you Darlene for this amazing website.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Sam M

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Aug 12, 2012
Sam:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank YOU for sharing your story and these oh-so-very-important messages with my visitors and me. It is innate in children to blame themselves whenever things go wrong in their lives. And it's highly likely that when they do blame themselves, they continue to take that blame with them into their adulthood, even when they know better on a logical level. On an emotional level, they still harbour that blame and the shame that goes along with it. And though you did an excellent job of sharing what you know logically, Sam, I will also say it outright: What happened to you was not your fault. You were gripped by fear. Not only that, you don't know what you don't know. You don't know what would have happened if you had chosen to do something different. If you are still haunted by this traumatic experience, please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to gain some perspective, Sam. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Nikki N

by Nikki N
(Location Undisclosed)

I was 4 at that time. So innocent. So fragile. I was on vacation. My cousin was 14 at that time. He was cool in my mind back than. He told me to come and hang out in his room. We would lay in bed. As he touched me. All over. I felt weird. I didn't like the feeling. I blocked some parts of it from my mind these past years. He grabbed me. I ran out of the room to downstairs and I felt a sudden relief. I didn't go anywhere alone with him after that. He's now 20 years old,and has a wife and a child. I hope his child won't have to go through what I went through. He's still my cousin and I still wish him the best. He's still family and a part of me still loves him. I just feel like my life sucks and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm yelled at everyday at home, bullied at school, and I have a cutting problem with depression. It's hard for me to cope with, because I was sexually abused has cause many insecurity problems for me in life. Everyone makes me feel like crap.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Nikki N

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Jul 17, 2012
Nikki:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

This cousin stole your innocence. He left you fearful and with effects that are difficult to overcome. You likely have trouble trusting people. Indeed, there were trust issues already present because you didn't feel safe enough to tell your parents what he had done. Just understand that none of what happened was your fault, Nikki. None of it. He took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. He likely banked on the fact that you wouldn't tell anyone, that you would keep the secret. It's possible he threatened you, or at the very least, a threat was implied. He "groomed" you, making you believe he was someone to hold in high regard, then took advantage of that. My goodness, you were only 4 years old! There is every chance he is doing to his child what he did to you...pedophiles don't stop until they are made to stop. Please consider telling someone about what happened to you at the hands of this cousin. If you can't tell your parents, perhaps there's a friend who's parents you feel comfortable speaking with. Consider contacting one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. You're the one suffering now. You deserve to be free of that suffering. And there is something you can do about that suffering, but you must first take that necessary step: don't keep the secret any longer. You are protecting him with this secret, and he doesn't deserve that kind of protection. You're the one who deserves protecting. Start by opening up to someone you trust or by calling one of the numbers at the link above. You're worthy of that kind of help. I send you love, light and healing energy, Nikki. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 17, 2012
I'm Sorry
by: Anonymous

I"m sorry to hear that you had to go through that, and what you have to go through everyday at school. I too was bullied in school, and I know the feeling of lonliness that comes with it. I hope you find someone to talk to whether it be a school counselor, or a trusted teacher, or someone. God bless you and keep you safe lil one.

Jul 19, 2012
So sorry
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry about this. Please get help from someone anyone. You were so young to have your childhood taken away. I'm sorry. I wish I could do something but for now, all I can do is send you support. Stay strong.

Jul 20, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Nikki, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 6 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are judgmental and wholly inappropriate, and she just won't stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

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Child Abuse Story From Ngoc

by Ngoc
(Georgia, USA)

I'm 13 now. I'm one of the millions who have faced child abuse. My story might not be as bad as the others but I just want to be heard by someone who won't judge my path. I was molested and almost raped by my cousin and uncle at a very young age. I didn't know what they were doing but they told me not to tell anyone because they loved me. Then in 1st grade they taught us what that was. I just felt so wrong. Whenever anybody tickles me It makes me feel so uncomfortable it brings back those memories. I felt so dirty like I couldn't clean or scrub it away. Ever since then life has been hell for me. After being abused. My parents like to insult me telling me I'm the one tearing this family apart. I help around and get good grades and try to be their perfect daughter. But it just doesn't work. When my mom gets mad she'd beat me with a broom and yell insults. Ever since 6th grade, I've been cutting myself. It's addicting, I've tried so hard to stop it. My parents like to tell to go die in a hole, jump off a cliff, or get run over. It makes me feel like one of these days I will. I've actually attempted twice. They weren't supportive at all when they found out how I was done wrong. They told me they would abandon me at a mental hospital. I was so scared. There was also that one time, when my mom threatened me with a knife because I didn't follow her directions, even though I did. My dad and I don't talk unless I have to. He's rude to me half the time we do talk. At school, I'm shy so I don't really speak. I'm afraid of what others will say about me. I have never really felt love. My parents neglect me and I'm just dying for someone to hear me out. But I don't want to be judged or called an attention seeker. I've been bullied by adults and people my own age ever since school started. And I still am. My mom just told me she wants to cut off all relations we have together. She said she'll break my head if I ever call her mom. I don't know what to do. Or who to turn to. I trust no one. The feeling of emptiness and broken isn't the best feeling. I'm not allowed to eat right now. or tomorrow probably. I feel like it my fault. I was just a mistake at birth.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Ngoc

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Aug 12, 2012
Ngoc:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Try not to compare your personal circumstances with that of others. What's important is how the abuse is affecting you; and it's affecting you in so many ways. What's just as important is to understand that you're being told lies about your Self. Do not believe these lies. You ARE lovable. You ARE worthy of dignity and respect. You ARE supposed to be here. You have value, even if the people responsible for you are too troubled themselves to realize this. I for one am so happy you're still here with us. You have a purpose to be here, and that that purpose lies deep within you. You are LOVE, Ngoc. Go deep into your Self and feel that LOVE. It's there, I know it is. We all have it. You can't change how others respond to you. You can only change how YOU respond. You can choose to believe the truth about Who You Really Are, instead of the lies. I know how difficult it is when your parents, the people responsible for your well-being treat you with contempt and disregard. That doesn't give you permission to treat your Self that way. Find that Self love. Treat your Self better than anyone ever has. Not only will you get through this; you'll thrive and find purpose in what you've endured. Believe that and it will happen. Don't be afraid to ask for help. I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

Call the number...you're too important not to, Ngoc. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Aug 12, 2012
The Horror Part 1
by: Anonymous

Ngoc, you didn't deserve any of that; you only deserve love, protection, dignity and respect. I really hope you get out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! Oh, and they're wrong. You're not a mistake; you're just a miracle at birth. It's not your fault that they hurt you; you are important; you are beautiful; you are lovable. Those nasty, soul-stripping names that they called you are nothing but lies. Beating you, terrorizing you, threatening with with a knife, starving you and even threatening to kill you...children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse.

Aug 12, 2012
The Horror Part 2
by: Anonymous

BTW, I can relate to your abuse. As for the mental hospital thing, I can relate; my parents, too, always threatened to abandon me to the mental hospital. You did nothing wrong. They have the mindset that you are to be submissive and obedient at all costs, so please get out of that house! PLEASE GET OUT NOW!!! Next time they lay a hand on you again, please consider reporting them to the cops ASAP! You are not to blame for their behavior; they are to blame; you didn't cause them to abuse you; they CHOSE to abuse you. They've got all the power; they chose to misuse that power over you, so please tell someone you really trust (such as a police officer, teacher, principal, a friend, said friend's parents, a church member, even a sympathetic relative if you have one) and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. As for your uncle and cousin, they should be in jail for what they did to you because perverts don't change their ways until they're made to stop. As for suicide, please say no to suicide (yes, that includes wrist-cutting) because suicide is a permanent mistake for most temporary problems; committing suicide will only let those monsters win, so please don't do this; tell someone instead (and keep telling until someone finally listens to you and starts helping you).

Aug 12, 2012
Horrible
by: Anonymous

U R NOT A MISTAKE!!! U r a wonderful human being who deserves to b loved and charished. I hope someday you will b given that. Hang on dear child and know that you do have people how care about you even though u've never even met them.

Aug 13, 2012
Please help ngoc
by: Anonymous

Is someone helping this child crying for help. She needs to be shown there are caring people out there. She is being treated so wrongly. Please someone respond and follow up on this.

From Darlene Barriere - Webmaster: The comments WERE written to give encouragement to the person who wrote this story, but the hosting service I use for this website was having some challenges, so the comments did not go live. Whenever it appears that no one is responding, it's because there's a technical problem. I personally respond to each and every submission, even though that may have to change at some future point. And comments never go live on this site until I read them and approve them first. This is to ensure the safety of those who post here, and to ensure that no one takes advantage of someone's vulnerabilities. I can assure you, there are MANY out there with ulterior motives, some who get their jollies from posting some very nasty stuff. I made sure that visitors are insulated from such filth.

Aug 13, 2012
You need an Adult on your side
by: Skruff

I know that it is hard to trust anyone else when your own parents let you down, but at 13, you need at least one adult on your side.

Seek out family members first, uncles, aunts, cousins etc. if that is impossible (and it often is) Seek out an adult at school, church, or call a local counsiling service.

It is good that you got your hurt out on the internet, but the internet is not a substitute for you having an adult in your life who is on-your-side everyday all day.

Good luck I rooting for you.


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Child Abuse Story From A Worried Mother

by A Worried Mother
(Location Undisclosed)

I am the mother of an abused child. My daughter who is 32 years old now has told me that she has nightmares that she was sexually abused at around 3 or 4 years of age. She can't figure out who did it, but she told me she had an idea.
I didn't pick up on any real signs of abuse, and I did ask her when she was young if anyone had touched her inappropriately and she said no. I feel now that I should had pursued it further. I can't turn back the time and I have told her I was sorry for not picking up on it. She seemed to have been a happy child. Her father and I got a divorce when she was not quite 2 years of age. I remarried and moved to another state 5oo plus miles away. She has two brothers 10 and 12 years older than she is. I had a court order to let the children visit with their father one month each summer. From what I am finding out now is that her father keep playboy magazines and porn in his home. I did not know this. She and I moved back to the home town where her father lived when she was 13 years old. She started smoking, and drinking. Her step-mother would let her smoke and drink. I would find cigarettes in her purse and tear them up in front of her and lecture her, Then I found out she was furnishing her liquor too. I did not smoke or drink and did not approve of either. I didn't keep liquor in my house or cigarettes.
Her father died about 4 years ago from a heart condition. She is seeing a psychiatrist and she is telling me that I am part to blame because I did not protect her as a child. We are arguing all the time. I keep telling her I am sorry. She is married with one child, which is a daughter who is 5 years old and she says she can not stand for her husband to touch her. I feel helpless and she is blocking me out. I seem to never say the right thing. I am beginning to not be able to cope. I know she is going through a rough time and I don't seem to be the one to help. I don't know if I should stay out of her life since she is not speaking to me and doesn't want to see me.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From A Worried Mother

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Aug 21, 2012
To A Worried Mother:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There are so many issues to address here, but not nearly enough time or space. I'll point out just a few. The fact that your daughter now has a 5-year-old daughter of her own has very likely triggered the memories of abuse. In an effort to have a patient/client deal with the feelings & emotions of abuse, therapists will often discuss the adults who did not do what needed to be done in order to keep the child safe. This is considered by many to be a necessary part of therapy in order for the patient/client to come to terms with and gain perspective about the blame, shame & guilt they're experiencing. They must also understand that what happened was not their fault; they were children who had no power. All the power rested with the adults around them. Looking back with hindsight you may be able to pinpoint signs now that you know. The fact that your daughter suddenly turned to smoking & drinking at 13 was a huge red flag. But b Saming yourself isn't going to do any good; and I'm not passing the blame to you here. What I'm saying is that understanding where your daughter is coming from is paramount if you have any hope of a future relationship with her. There is saying "I'm sorry", and there is recognizing and admitting what you didn't see as her mother added a significant amount of hardship for her. You must respect her process. Give her the space she needs. Right now she is too raw to be with you. That doesn't mean she'll always be this way. As she progresses with therapy & deals with the anger & hostility she's feeling she may be more willing to connect with you again. Resolve to be supportive. Hear her out completely. Don't judge. If she calls you to vent, listen, really listen to what she's saying. Take away any judgment. Take your cues from her. She's your daughter & you love her, but if you try to force your Self in her life she'll likely resent you even more, possibly sabotaging any hope of reconciliation. This must be about HER needs at this point. Your own issues need to be dealt with too, but privately at this stage. I strongly suggest you seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with all of this. I send you and your daughter love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing yours and your daughter's story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 22, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: To A Worried Mother, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted at least 3 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are judgmental and wholly inappropriate, and she just won't stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

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Child Abuse Story From Paige

by Paige
(Australia)

The warnings were present but I was too young and blind,
And still would be if you hadn't scarred my mind,
Your body and soul so perverse and grotesque,
Still Managed to make me feel pretty, statuesque,
Your were nice and funny; my best friends dad,
I couldn't imagine you as someone bad,
Your act was good and it I would rather,
Then the disgusting old man and pathetic father,

She left us alone for not even an hour,
But that's all it took for you to exert your power,
Forced on my back- on the bed we both lied,
You smiled and laughed, pushed inside while I died,
Your force was too strong for my innocence to prevail
I felt broken and torn, ragged and frail.

Why was I there? Apart of your game,
For four years now I've hidden in shame,
It took so long to let myself speak,
To escape the world that had become so bleak,

I'm still up all night, I don't get any sleep,
Instead I lay still and try not to weep,
It took me three years before I let a tear shed,
But they flow freely now- I know that your dead,
You took your own life after the police came around,
I'm so glad your step-daughter made your true self renown,

It eats me up inside, that you did it to her too,
If only I'd spoken up, told someone about you!
She wouldn't have been hurt, attacked during the night,
It's painful to know I could have made things right...

I stole her childhood just as much as you,
I was stupid and foolish, didn't know what to do,
I ignored what had happened and kept it to myself,
Filed the memories away on some dusty old shelf,
It worked for a while and I escaped the pain,
But then one day they flooded my brain,

The gates gave way when she broke her silence,
And told me about the abuse and violence,
I started to remember the things I had missed,
They were relentless and cruel and made quite a list,
I ignored your smile as I plead for my life;
When i begged you to stop, to think of Emma and your wife!

I wish I would have known, that I could of seen ahead,
But what would have happened, would you still be dead?
I know it is wrong to rejoice that you are now gone,
But my happiness and joy is still forlorn,
Because your still here and no matter what I do,
For the rest of my life I will belong to you,
Each time I feel the shackles of anger and shame,
I know it's your fault; you're to blame,

Why couldn't you stop yourself; why did you touch?
It's not a surprise that the knife I now clutch
Comes slicing down when things go wrong,
-It has been your fault all along,

I claw at myself and slice at my wrists,
To avoid my emotions and life's many twists,
It's because of the beast that destroyed my life,
You, the man who gave me the knife,

Everything went wrong and still nothing is right,
Now Love and boys send me white with fright!
I see anger and hate, malice and rage,
Why did this happen at such a young age?
Maybe if I was older I could have escaped,
I could have got away; not been raped,
I was barely twelve when you f***ed up our lives,
And it wasn't just mine, but Your daughters and wife's,

I need to know what went on in your head,
Did you see what was coming? Is that why your dead?
It doesn't matter now i just need to escape this mess,
Be happy and free- not anything less,

I know it's now time for me to move on,
That's why I'm writing; so it can be known,
That the devil is real, he was someone I knew,
He walked on this earth and he looked like you.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From Paige

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Jul 03, 2012
Paige:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are not responsible for the sexual abuse of another child. The shame and guilt you feel are not yours to bear. Shame, guilt and full responsibility are on the shoulders of the pedophile. HE made the choice to abuse. HE was the one who took the innocence away from you and others. HE is the one that carries the blame. You were a child, a child who was afraid and being manipulated, controlled and groomed. Pedophiles are experts at their sick, twisted and vile ways. They take advantage of their victims' youth and vulnerabilities, and they're cowards, playing on the fears of their very young victims. Don't apply more mature adult values on what you did and didn't do as a child; that's simply not fair. Perspective is everything; and right now your perspective is blurred.

Your abuser is now gone, no longer able to harm you...unless you allow him to continue to have power over you. You CAN take your power back, but it's a conscious choice. His sick and perverted actions led you to put the knife in your hands, but you can choose to put that knife down. Indeed, only YOU can make that choice. You can choose to treat your Self with dignity and respect and love. You can choose to heal, Paige. But you need help with that. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the feelings and emotions you are now experiencing. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Talk to someone. Don't keep the secret any longer. The secret was his, not yours. None of what happened was your fault. NONE OF IT...ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT. I send you love, light and healing energy, Paige. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 16, 2012
Talent
by: Barely Here

You are extremely talented and obviously bright! It's hard not to let the past rule our future, but you definitely can have a bright one ahead of you. Try not to let the feelings of guilt over your friend's abuse weigh you down. YOU DID NOT ABUSE your friend. You are not to blame.

Aug 17, 2012
Thanks
by: Paige

Thankyou, I know that I have a bright future ahead of me and that the past shouldn't hold me back but sometimes it's hard to remember that. I know i was only a kid and that its not my fault, but I still feel like I should have done something to change what happened. I don't hurt myself anymore though and I'm trying to get on with my life. I wrote this poem so I could express myself without causing my friends to get uncomfortable with what I had to say. It's hard to talk to people because everyone that I'm comfortable talking to don't need the stress of what I need to say on their shoulders & I can't talk to my school counsellors because it's in appropriate for school and counsellors outside of school make me feel as though I'm mentally challenged. I am coping with what happened to me and hopefully one day I will be completely free of the disgusting man.

Aug 17, 2012
Thank You For Sharing Your Poetry
by: Will

Paige, tonight I read your experience told through your poetry and I thank you for sharing it. I too was raped by my dad and he was such a big man over little me. I can relate closely to the emotions of guilt. The guilt of why I wasn't strong enough to fight him off. But I know and you know we couldn't have, we just didn't have the capacity to save ourselves and none of that is our fault. I can relate to not being able to talk about these events to anyone but I'm thankful that you came here and you find writing as a way of release and healing. I pray that soon someone near you would be that special one you can confide in to help you on the path of healing. I thank you again for sharing your writing. It was encouraging for me to read it at this time of my life.

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Child Abuse Story From Candie

by Candie
(California, USA)

well i been reading this blog for a long time now i never really talk about this with any one... well it all started when i was in 7 grade my dad had an accident in hes work so they cut hes leg off so my dad sue the hospital or something like that the point is that my parents had to be out of town because of that. so i stayed with my brother hes wife and kids and my other brother and sister and 3 uncles and my 2 cousins.i remember the first time it happen my sister my cousin and i were sleeping in my parents room we were sleeping already but then i felt a cold hand touching my breast ! i was so scare of opening my eyes =( but i did everything was off but when he open the door to get out i saw who he was it was my moms brother !! i started crying and i got up and locked the door ! i didn't tell any one because i didn't know how to react to it.. then time passed by and everything was normal my parents came back from Miami and they were building a room for me and my sister and when it was done me and my sister and brother slept there one day when i was taking a shower and i was getting dress i heard a noise out side so i open the curtain and my uncle was looking at me getting dress through the window ! once again i didn't say anything so at night i would lock our door and by the time i was in 9 grade it happen again my parent took our room door off because they had to fix it and they didn't put it back the same day so that night he went in again !! he was touching my boobs i woke up my cousin because she had slept there she said what happen and then he got up and asked us if we had seen hes shoes when he had them on the only person that i told at the time was my sister and cousin we didn't know what to do ! we were all scare but it happen again i don't know how he went in our room again but he did and this time he was graving my legs i was crying so bad and thinking y didn't my brother here him come in why is this happening to me so then my sister said he had gone to touch her first but she kept moving so then he went to my bed where i was sleeping with my cousin i blamed her i told her y didn't she warn me i was crying i called my boyfriend witch hes now my husband and i told him what happen so he told me to leave my house i did i went to my boyfriends friends house and wrote my mom a letter letting her know why me and my sister left ! so my mom knew everything about it she told her sister and they just talked to him ad that's it he still stayed at my house that's what hurts me i feel like she picked him over us ever sens that happen to me i cant sleep alone or with the lights off i am scare of taking a shower at night im 19 years old i have 2 kids and i am scare something will happen to them i don't want them to go through what i did e doesn't live here no more hes been missing fore a while i really don't care what happen to him i just hope he never comes back here me and my mom have fought a lot because i say i hate him and i was mean to him she doesn't understand he ruin my life i have so much anger by the way my dad doesn't know anything about this \




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

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Sep 16, 2012
Candie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You have every reason to feel that anger and hostility. You were molested by a man you thought you could trust. You were too young to know what to do. I'm sure after the first time, when it didn't happen for a long time you may have even thought you dreamed it. But then when it happened again, you knew, but still didn't know how to respond. When children do not feel comfortable approaching their parents about even the little things in life, they certainly don't feel comfortable approaching them about the big stuff. Parents inadvertently do this to their children when they don't allow them to have rights to their own bodies, when they don't allow them to say no to certain things about their bodies. And children always blame themselves when things go wrong in their lives; that is innate in children. You were set up for abuse, and so were the other girls in your family. And what's worse is that your mother DID choose your abuser over you by making the choice to allow him to be in the same house with her children after you told her. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the abuse, the betrayal and the abandonment of your mother. And now that you're a mother to two children, do what you must in order to keep them safe. But more importantly, take really good care of their mother. That starts by getting the help YOU need for what you endured. You deserve that kind of help, Candie. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 17, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Candie, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 5 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are judgmental and wholly inappropriate, and she just won't stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

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Child Abuse Story From Lee

by Lee
(England)

i was about 9 years old i lived alone with my mother and i was intrigued by her clothes and was trying on underwear,tights and heels was having fun til mum caught me, she went mad and spanked me over her knee while i was still dressed, was very embarrassing for me and i had to stay in them for rest of the day. from that day on she used to call me sissy and i was regularly spanked 3-4 times a week and in front of her freinds ,my freinds and family members too, she used to still bath me well into my teens,i will always remeber my first day at senior school as mum dressed me in blazer,blouse.skirt and tights and took me to school like it i was in tears and so mortified and as u can imagine, i was a complete laughing stock and never lived it down, same at home spanking were done standing up in front of whoever was there as they all laughed at me getting erections,she even took it further with bare bottom public spankings.shopping mall,park bench.beach and mcdonalds.although she didnt do anything sexual i still feel like i was abused and so humiliated all my teens,never had a girlfriend cause everytime i brought one home i would end up over her knee and that would be the last i see of them, i am so confused i am now a crossdresser thought it would of put me off but it hasnt,i am still shocked that a mother could do this to her child.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lee

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Sep 09, 2012
Lee:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your mother's reaction to what was a perfectly normal curiosity from her child was way over the top. It likely spurred from the fear that her child was showing homosexual tendencies, a fear that sadly still exists today. Her reaction may well have helped to created more of a fetish in that department. As for her spanking rituals, I strongly suspect something far more sinister. I suggest your read my article Can childhood spanking be administered because of or lead to a spanking fetish on this subject. If you haven't already, please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with what you endured. You didn't deserve to be mistreated and humiliated, Lee. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 09, 2012
there was abuse here - sexual, physical, emotional, verbal, mental....
by: My Two Cents

Lee,

In your story you mentioned that your mom did not abuse you. She did.

You wrote that she bathed you into your teens - this is a form of sexual abuse, covert sexual abuse. She's seeing you nude nightly and touching you (?) To wash you at an age when you are capable of doing it yourself.

As Darlene wrote, there probably was something more sinister going on during the spankings, especially as she bared you publicly and exposed your buttocks and genitals to the world at large. There is absolutely no legitimate reason to do this. I actually think from the details you posted that this wasn't so much about the spanking as it was showing off your genitals. She had to have you on display for several minutes in order for an erection to develop and be "shown-off."

Gah. I hate perverts like your mom. It's bad enough that they hurt you directly, but then they also commit covert sexual abuse by proxy (my terms, my definition) by turning all the witnesses to this "spanking" into participants in your abuse. And....those participants went along with it, thus legitimizing what was happening.

The dressing you in girl's clothes and sending you to school in the same, this is what I call emotional and mental abuse. Your mom is messing with your head at a critical time in your life, as you enter your teen years and develop your sense of self, what it means to be a boy, a man, a male; your mom has to come up with this punishment that basically blows that all up. Plus, she set you up to be bullied by all your classmates.
When I read your story, I realize it happened over a few years, and not all at once but it's shocking that your mom was able to do all of this "in the open" as it were and nobody reported it to child protective services.

I don't know if you'll check back, but I would really like to know when this happened, the 1980's? 1990s? 2000s? 2010s? I'm hoping it happened before this was on child welfare's radar but if it happened in 2009 for example, then I have to wonder what's being taught in social work schools these days.

Lee, your mom is a pervert who hurt you. You DID NOT deserve to experience any of this. I hope you become comfortable with who you are, and if that means cross dressing, then that's ok.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Sep 10, 2012
child abuse by proxy
by: My Two Cents

From Darlene - Webmaster: As you suggested, I've moved this post to the article page, My Two Cents. I do want to point out that it's not just a simple click to do so from the comments, though (it IS easy when someone posts a story for example in the commentary page)...but from the comments I have to copy & paste as though I too am a visitor. So when you do have a comment that you believe is more of an article or commentary, by all means, go straight to the Child Abuse News link on the nav bar and go right ahead and post it there. Today, I've got some 17 submissions in queue, so it'll go live when it reaches to top of the queue. I wish I could post it sooner, but I have to be fair to others who have posted earlier. Thank you for your continued participation on this site and for your ongoing support and encouragement of those who post their stories here. Love, light and healing energy sent to you.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Sep 10, 2012
The people who witnessed it
by: Spooky

I agree with everyone else who said that your mother was abusive and cruel, but what really gets to me is the people who witnessed this a did nothing about it. Somebody should have called Child Protective Services and you should have been taken out of the house perminantly.

I have a mother who is also a sociopath and one the the things that always gets to me is the people who saw it and did nothing about it. Hope all is well.

Sep 11, 2012
for Spooky
by: My Two Cents

I agree with you completely, but there are two factors at work here.

1. In today's society, parents are granted a great deal of legitimacy. If I was to see Lee being spanked bare bottom in McDonald's, I would probably assume he deserved the punishment. Understand, I would disagree with it, but parents do have the right to use physical force to discpline their children. It's most probable that the witnesses to Lee's abuse did not realize the scope of the abuse. They most likely only saw one spanking, not the 4 or 5 or 6 he got weekly.

2. There is something called the by-stander effect. When a group of people observes something like this, everyone assumes two things - first, that someone else has called child welfare or the police, and secondly people assume that if that person and this person, and that person, and so on....are all watching this event, well, it must be ok.

I don't know what the answer is. I'm fairly certain that in todays world, 2012 that people know what abuse is. BUT....it still happens. I wish I knew how to change things.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Oct 26, 2012
child abues
by: lee

hi two cents this is lee thank u for your comments,most of my abuse was in 70 and 80s really it would be reall hard to get away with now dyas but then as u say most looked on soem looked shokced some giggled ,most laughed and thats what i can always hear and to be dressed in girls clothes at school was so humiliating i never di d live it down and still gets mentioned from time to time by others,had councilling but memories are still quite strong

lee

Nov 06, 2012
response to Lee
by: My Two Cents

Lee;

Hearing that it happened in the 70's and 80's makes it a bit more understandable. I'm glad that there is so much more awareness nowadays about this stuff and it hopefully will be caught and stopped whenever it pops up.

I am glad you shared your story even though it must have been hard to relive those memories. It will hopefully shine a brilliant spotlight on this practice and people will realize it was and is wrong.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Dec 17, 2012
humiliation
by: lee

hi two cents yes as u say nowadays it wouldnt happen but most who see my public humiliations just stared or alughed nobody would do anything t stop it, i have had quite a bit of councilling ,but has left me with spanking and crossdressing fetish,my mum is still alive and knows i crossdress and thinks im a sissy but thats least of my problems
lee

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Child Abuse Story From Erin

by Erin
(Location Undisclosed)

I can feel my anxiety already starting by just typing this. My name is Erin and im 13. Well here goes nothing.

Ever since I can remember my grandpa would touch me. He is an episcapol pastor. He touches my butt when he hugs me and when I was younger would stick his hand down my pants. Also, he puts his arm around my lower waist , almost my butt. I feel horrible writing this because I know it's not nearly as bad as what others had experienced. He also kinda touched my boob a little while ago. I feel horrible everytime I wish he'd die. And then I feel even worse because he's lonely since my grandma died.

Also, since I can remember my parents would smack me across the face instead of spanking. But they don't do that anymore. They have random fits of anger, especially my dad when he drinks, but that's not often. My mom gets drunk/tipsy once at least every 2 weeks. I remember in 5th grade it was my brother's birthday and my older sister and her friend were taking picture of my mom after my dad had said to stop. Trying to be cool, I took one. That set him off and he pushed me into a wall, smacked me across the face for not saying yes dad, then bent me over a laundry machine and hit me again. I was only 10.

I think I may have been emotionally abused, because when I was 11 at the end of 5th grade my best friend died unexpectedly from brain cancer. To this day, I think it's my fault. But anyways, my mom and dad were only nice to me the day that the school called and told us the news. After that, I got no emotional support for ways to cope with her death. I always felt so alone. I remember a sunny day that summer and just sitting there feeling the saddest an 11 year old could be.

Since I've been raised with pretty much no ways to cope, I started to selfharm when I was 11. I'd like thumbtacks into my legs, which evolved to cutting myself and bruising myself with a rock. I still have these tendencies, and sometimes skip meals or puke them back up. Anyways, that school year on st Patrick's day when I was 12 I tried overdosing on ibuprofen. I took 40 before school and got sick and went home. I didn't tell my parents, I was passing out throughout the whole day, and one time I woke up and my mom left me thinking I was napping. So later that day my sister figured it out and told my parents. That was a huge mistake because they were drunk. Long story short, I spent an hour getting screamed and cussed at and held down having my clothes cut right off me. I've told a teacher and school consular about the st Patrick's day and they said the teacher said he can't do anything because it's their rights, and the consular said it was my fault.

Last thing before I end, thank you if you have read this all, last summer my dad made my sister cry in a resturaunt. In the car, I had enough with it when they were yelling asking her why she was crying. I said its because of you guys! That ended up with a scratch on my arm and my phone thrown across the car.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jul 21, 2012
Erin:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's disturbing to learn that a teacher and a counsellor would say what was said to you. First off, although parents have the right to discipline their children, they don't have the right to harm them. Secondly, it was NOT your fault that your parents crossed the line. It is NEVER the victim's fault, no matter what. Your parents obviously have serious problems of their own, problems they don't seem equipped to deal with, problems they seem to be taking out on you and your sister. Thirdly, your grandpa does not have ANY right to touch you inappropriately, no matter how lonely he might be. Sexually abusing you has nothing whatsoever to do with him being lonely. He's a pedophile, Erin. And pedophiles don't stop until they are made to stop. Please tell someone. There is every chance he has abused other children, including his own children, and any other grandchildren he has. Lastly, while I understand the reason you self-harm and how it helps you cope, I must also say that when you do such harmful things to your Self you are mistreating your Self in much the same way your abusers are mistreating you. It's time to start treating your Self with the dignity, respect and love you deserve. And you DO deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and love. Make a list of all the things you're really good at, Erin, and then work toward expanding those interests. It will help you to build on your self-esteem. And don't say you're not good at anything; I don't accept that, because I KNOW you're good at writing. One more thing, try not to compare your situation with that of others. What's important is YOU, and that YOU are in an abusive situation that is adversely affecting you. Though you didn't get the appropriate response from two adults you trusted, I still recommend you contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. I send you love, light and healing energy, Erin. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 21, 2012
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Erin, your parents are deeply troubled. As for the teacher and counsellor, I can't believe that they chose to fail you, so shame on them for dropping the ball! As for your grandpa, perverts don't change their ways until they're made to stop. Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. Back to your parents, maybe they're frustrated with their own lives and chose to take it out on you; sadly, they never got any help that they need because no one is helping them. Oh, and if they didn't want you to overdose on ibuprofen, they should've just talked to you about it instead of beating and abusing you and even ripping your clothes off of you. It's not your fault they hurt you; you are important, you are beautiful; you are lovable. You're not to blame for their behavior; you didn't cause them to abuse you; they CHOSE to abuse you. Darlene is right; please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

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Child Abuse Story From Joe H

by Joe
(Ohio.USA)

My 14 year old brother has A.D.H.D, which I think is what is causing it. But this morning he was going to punish me for bieng somewhat okward, so i asked him what i was doing wrong. And he started draging me to the bathroom. Then he pulled me so fast/hard into the outside corner of the bathroom. I stood laying there for several minutes, thinking i might of dislocated something. Then i started slowly crawling into the bathroom. I was in there for aprox. 39 minutes. Then my younger brother said you can come out. So I walked strait out of the door and started running away.i did come back after about 7 minutes. then he started acting all cool, like nothing ever happened. And That is Only One of The Days That it Occured




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jul 20, 2012
Joe:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your parents need to step up to ensure your brother does not hurt you. ADHD does not excuse the harmful behaviour. You didn't provide enough information to classify what you are experiencing as "child abuse". But you ARE being hurt, and that's what's most important here. When parents don't do their job and ensure all their children are kept safe from harm, they are being neglectful, which is considered child abuse. Talk to your parents about what your brother is doing. If they won't listen to you and do something to stop it from happening, then please contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about what you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, Joe. Always remember that. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Salamander

by Salamander
(Glasgow, Scotland)

My name used to be Henry, however it was changed to Salamander when i was 11.
My mum and dad began fighting when i was around 8/9-ish.
I found out my mum had started cheating on my dad a few months after they began fighting.
Evenutally they got a divorce and my dad left, leaving 'new dad' a place in the house.
When i was 10 my stepdad got angry at my dad coming to visit me so he told me to say 'i hated my dad and did not want to see him again' or he'd smash my face in.
Being young i did exactally that - i've never seen or heard from my dad since.

It was sometime after that when my stepdad began getting scary. At first it was threats when i didn't do something... but then it escalted into a few smacks with a ruler on my hands when i moaned about homework or sometimes a whack with his belt when i didn't do a chore.
My mum began to catch on and spoke to my stepdad, they began to fight and my mum left. (I was supposed to go with her but she's got a personality disorder and people thought she couldn't handle me without help) However, i did get to see her on Sundays.
My stepdad changed my name to the embarrasing 'Salamander' which (as you can imagine) was laughed at in school.
It did get a bit worse... but nothing beyond the grab-hair-punch-stomach kinda thing.
It went on until i was 16 then i bolted out and went to live with my older friend who had got a flat in high street.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Aug 05, 2012
Salamander:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I can only imagine the feelings of abandonment and betrayal you've experienced. A father who didn't have the sense to understand that a child saying what you said to him might be being manipulated and controlled and coerced; a mother with mental health issues who was forced to leave you with an abuser. A system that did little or nothing to ensure you were kept from harm. None of what happened was your fault. You did nothing wrong. I hope you're now in a safe place and that you seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the repercussions of growing up in such environments. You didn't deserve to be abused and abandoned. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy, Salamander.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 05, 2012
I'd bristle everytime I call you "Salamander"
by: Anonymous

I can't believe that your parents would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick monster and allow him to beat and berate you 24/7. How dare they! That isn't discipline; that's just torture. The path that they chose is inexcusable. You didn't cause that sicko to abuse you; he CHOSE to abuse you. As for the system; shame on them for dropping the ball. I'm glad your friend is with you now because that friend is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you try counselling.

Aug 06, 2012
I hope
by: AnonymousT

I hope if you want to be called Henry you go back to it. When we're adults we can choose to be anything we want.

I'm so sorry your mother and father were not strong enough to fight for you. I'm sorry you were left in the hands of such a cruel man.

Please know you didn't deserve it.

Lots of healing to you,
T

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Child Abuse Story From Amy

by Amy
(Michigan, USA)

I was five years old when my father started anal raping me. By the time I was seven, he would lick me all over and rub his penis between my legs, in addition to the rape. I was one of ten children. My mother was always pregnant and dad needed his oldest daughter to sexually satisfy him.
The abuse happened three or four times a week. I'm confident my mom knew what was going on and simply didn't care.
Rampant physical abuse began when I was nine and lasted for years. The incest continued until I was in my late teens, early twenties. I never told anyone. I never knew it was wrong because that is what my father always did with me.
In my twenties I ran away from home and completely left my entire family. No one would believe me anyway and I didn't want dad sexually assaulting me night after night. I was completely on my own, in a strange city, but the loneliness didn't bother me so much, because I was finally safe.
I could begin my very long and intense healing process. I have been in therapy for almost twenty years now. I am just beginning to start talking openly about the assaults, the rapes and how it made me feel.
I think and behave like an abused, unloved child, go figure. But I want to heal and my days are consumed with remembering, talking, writing and figuring it all out. At some point, I want a healthy relationship. I want to enjoy and take back my sexuality.
I am unable to hold down a job with a paycheck, but fixing me, being okay and liking myself is a big job, an important one.
I am more than the incest, the sexual abuse, someone to beat on....I am so very much more.
I am a wonderful, lovable, caring person.
I have forgiven my father. I'm working on forgiving myself, even when my therapist tells me I did nothing wrong....it's hard to accept.
I'm getting there:) No one hurts me anymore.
I survived...somehow, I survived. Now it's time to thrive.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Sep 19, 2012
Amy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There are a number things I'm going to address: One, your father wasn't only a sexual abuser, he was a pedophile. Two, there was no way he "needed" his oldest daughter to sexually satisfy him; he chose to control and manipulate you (and possibly other members of the family as well) sexually and in other ways. Three, your father didn't do this "with" you; he did to "to" you. You were a young vulnerable child, a child who trusted her father to do what was best for her; he took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. And your mother was not only an enabler, she turned a blind eye, refusing to keep you safe from harm. It comes as no surprise that the sexual abuse continued into your early adulthood because you didn't know better. There was a dynamic present with your father that people who haven't been through what you've been through cannot understand. You eventually got to the point that you couldn't take it anymore, which is when your healing path began. You walked away from the environment and from the family who were toxic and kept you in an abused state. You did nothing wrong, in spite of what you personally believe, what you tell your Self over and over. Whatever you did, whatever you think you did wrong you did in order to survive, physically and emotionally. That doesn't require forgiveness; it requires embracement, a sense of pride for surviving horrific abuse. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you carry no guilt or blame. Shame and blame lie squarely on the shoulders of both your abusers. I commend and applaud your courage and strength to walk away and to find the help you need in order to keep walking the path of healing and recovery. I have no doubt you will reach your goals and that you will find joy in your life. You're certainly worthy of it. I send you love, light and healing energy, Amy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 20, 2012
jobs
by: My Two Cents

Hi, Amy,

There's not much I can add to what Darlene wrote.

I can however point out that the "traditional" 9 to 5 (or 8 to 4) job with the salary is not the only type of employment available.

There are opportunities to start your own business, such as making "Cookies by Amy" and selling these at local markets, there's renting out a room in your house, or with regards to real estate, joint venture investing - you partner with someone with money and find the property and manage it, then you split the rent proceeds 50/50. Those are just some examples. I hope they inspire you and help you on the path to financial security.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Sep 20, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Amy, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to that sick pervert of a dad and allow him to rape and offend you 24/7; how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that sicko! I am disgusted by her selfish behavior; a mother who chooses such a sick pervert over her own precious daughter is the mother who didn't deserve to have said daughter in her life. It's not your fault that they hurt you; you are important; you are lovable. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, far away from them, that you keep seeking the help that you need and that you look into reporting them; perverts don't change their ways until they're made to stop (since they could be offending other young girls as well).

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Child Abuse Story From Barely Here

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Where to begin? My Father was an alcoholic and a drug addict. He would routinely beat my mother. I use to dump all of my toys in my toy box out and crawl inside it to hide. At night the screams and loud crashes would wake me up. I got good at pretending to be asleep when I wasn't really.
I remember the molestation happening when I was very young. My Father had one spot on the couch he would always sit on. It was right next to the hallway by my bedroom. I remember standing next to the couch to watch tv, being no taller than the couch itself. And that's where the fondling would happen. With eyes directed at the tv, but one hand hanging over the side of the couch he could fondle me while in the same room as my mother and no one even noticed. I remember not thinking anything about it. It was normal as far as I knew.

I have reason to believe he also abused my siblings, but I can't bring myself to discuss it with them.

I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes because I remember telling my mother what happened, but she just ignored it. Like I hadn't said anything.
And one night when I spent the night at my cousins house, my older boy cousin snuck in the room. He laid down beside me. His hand slid up and down me. Nothing too extreme, but it was still inappropriate and unwelcome. But I didn't do anything to stop it. I feel guilty for that. But my talent at pretending to be asleep really took over. I just froze.

I'm grown now, and my father passed away years ago. I feel like there's so much more I'm not remembering, worse things. I want to know, but at the same time I don't. I know I slept in the same bed with him sometimes. I know I was left alone with him. But I just can't remember the other things that happened. Maybe it's for the best.
I feel so anxious and have irrational fears of everything. I'm no good at making friends. I have trouble describing my own personality. I feel so disconnected from myself.

I don't know myself, I just know how to act and respond how others would expect. I'm tired of living my life barely here.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jul 19, 2012
To Barely Here:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You have no reason to feel guilt or shame, and you certainly have no reason to take responsibility for the inappropriate actions of another. You are applying mature adult values to what you didn't do as a child, claiming responsibility because as you say "you did nothing to stop it". Well guess what...you were too young to understand HOW to stop it, if you could at all. You abuser(s) had all the power and they misused that power. You were set up as a child, set up by parents who were so self-absorbed that they were oblivious to what they were doing to their children, set up by a pedophile of a father and an enabling absent mother. The father and cousin who abused you are the ones who are to blame here. Not you. It's not fair to your Self to see things in any other way. The time to take responsibility is for your life now. I believe that healing is a choice, a conscious choice. And I also believe that healing starts by dealing with the pain and the effects the abuse left you with. Healing means going through the pain in order to get to the other side. Healing does not come with circumventing the pain; that only serves to temporarily bury the pain, and then it comes back with a vengeance and adversely affects every aspect of your life.

I understand what it's like to not know who you are and to be a people pleaser. I learned a long time ago that Who I Really Am comes from a much deeper place that what's in my head. It comes from my heart, just as Who You Really Are comes from your heart. If you haven't already, please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to gain some perspective about what you endured and to help you deal with the effects. You were and still are worthy of dignity and respect and love. Start by treating your Self with that dignity and respect and love. You took the first step by posting here. Take the next step to walk the path of healing and recovery and find self-love. If you don't already, consider following me on my public Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse to get daily inspirations. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 19, 2012
That's just sick
by: Anonymous

Barely There, I can't believe that your mother would abandon you to the so-called care of that sicko of a father and allow him to beat her and offend you 24/7...how dare she! I am disgusted by her choosing to sit idly by and do nothing when you needed her; a mother who chooses a sick, wife-beating pedophile over her own precious daughter is the mother who doesn't deserve to have said daughter in her life. It was her job to protect you and she chose to abandon that job. As for your cousin, he needs to go to prison for being a pervert because perverts don't change their ways until they're made to stop. You're not to blame for their disgusting behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, far away from them, and that you try counselling.

Jul 21, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: To Barely Here, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 4 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are judgmental and wholly inappropriate, and she just won't stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

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Child Abuse Story From Laura

by Laura
(Location Undisclosed)

I observed a lot of domestic violence, and my sisters and i suffered a lot of emotional/mental/physical abuse.
My family are from central america, and within their culture, the man is in control of the family and woman. my father would beat my mother, to the point that when my mom was pregnant of me, she almost had a miscarriage.
to back track, my mom at one point left my father, and had my sister in their country, she hated my sister because she hated my father. then, due to traumatic bonding, my mom returned to my father. due to the country's civil war, mom and dad left to the US, and saved money to bring my sister to the states, at that point I was born. my earliest memory would be around the time i was 5. my mom would beat my sister so badly. from the time she was 6, to 18, i remember my sister being beaten with belts, wires, knives, head smashed against sinks and walls, and being forced to kneel and hold heavy items while beaten. i didnt get much, but i did get beaten, haired pulled, kneeled to hold a heavy item, and what killed me inside was that once i had to lick my kid sister's back as a punishment.

i eventually met this guy at the age of 14, nice boyfriend. he noticed my bruises, and reported the abuse to my teacher. i hated everyone at that time for that, but as years passed by, i appreciate that it did happen or who knows what would have happened.

i feel horrible that despite my kid sis never being hurt physically as we did, she did have to observe a lot of the abuse, which is as damaging and traumatizing.

i sadly then entered a domestic violence relationship, which continued a cycle of abuse and damage. after being sent to the hospital, i was able to leave the relationship. i did get diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and depression, but acquired therapy and medication.

a year later, i did meet a beautiful and wonderful man.

i mean, now, i am in a nice prestigious school, hopefully acquire my MSW (Master of Social Work) by the end of the year, and advocate for abused children.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Laura

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Aug 26, 2012
Laura:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Congratulations! It sounds as though you've done some healing and are making healthy choices for your Self. I commend and applaud you! You had the self-respect to get out of that abusive relationship and find the help you needed. Try not to judge what got you there; focus only on the fact that you GOT there. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love; and you started by treating your Self with that deserve dignity and respect and love. And now you have a healthy relationship, and you are working toward turning your pain into power, so more accolades are being sent your way. Your experiences will be a huge asset in your chosen field...you WILL make a difference, even when there will be times when you cannot confirm that, or when you'll question that. Our healthy choices really and truly do change the world, though we often don't know how or to whom or how far-reaching...just trust that this is so. Especially if you ever find your Self discouraged. Just remember to keep up the great work, Laura! I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, and

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 26, 2012
The horror
by: Anonymous

Your parents are deeply troubled and sadistic. I really hope that you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! Oh, and I know what it's like to have been born into such a house where they did not want you (or even your sister) to be a girl when you were born. I'm glad that lots of people reported them to the cops and that you left the abusive relationship with some loser; I just hope that your abusers get incarcerated for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you.

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Child Abuse Story From Arry

by Arry
(Location Undisclosed)

I am now 24 years old. My story is more than a long story but I'm going get right to the worst parts of my 24 years of life. My biological father had been incarcerated for about 6 years from what I can remember and I was living in a foster home, I am not sure at what age I went into foster care. In the foster home I was physically abused everyday that I was there some of the horrible things I've endured while being there was, being thrown on the floor at only 5 years of age and punches repeatedly in the face, put in a fire place threatened to be burned, slumped over my foster mothers knee and punctured repeatedly with a needle on my rear end, beat over the head at 6 years of age with a can of hairspray to the point where the blood was dripping down the front of by face, forced to shower in a basement bathroom full of rats and roaches. And this is only half of the abuse I went through and my mind only gos as far as 5 years old but, one thing I can say is being in the foster home I had never been sexually abused. When I was 8 or 9 I was taken in by my paternal grandmother and aunt and uncle. They were good to me but, I never felt wanted I always felt left out and I was already damaged by the time I got to them that I was a bit of a rebellious child, but no one cared to understand why or cared to help me knowing the severe physical abuse I had gone through. Then when I was 12 I was shipped off to dominican republic to live with my father that had recently come out of jail and just left there and forgotten. And this is where the story gos down hill. All I ever wanted was to be with my mom and/or dad, someone to call mom, someone to call dad. My father was a drug addict and never saw me as his daughter, I remember it like yesterday, he would say I remind him of my mother, and after a couple of weeks of moving with him the sexual abuse began, he would ask me to take off all my clothes when his wife and baby kids weren't around and just stare at me and touch me places where a father should not touch his daughter and he would always tell me that it was so I could "trust him more as a father" and Of course me 12 years old I just wanted him to be my dad so I believed him and he would do things to me and make me do things that are to painful to even speak of all that was left for him to do was rape me! Thank god it never went that far, but it has gotten close to that. He would give me pills every night and told me that they were to "vitamins to develope my brain function", one day I found a pink receipt on top of a shelf that was hung on the wall, something made me be nosey and read it, came to find out the pills he was giving me were heavy sleeping narcotics, which explains why I fell asleep so quickly and heavily but every time I fell asleep with that pill I would have what I THOUGHT were this horrible ugly disgusting nightmares of things he was doing to me. THE WEREN'T NIGHTMARES I WAS JUST SO HEAVILY DRUGGED THAT IT SEEMED THAT WAY! When I realized what the pills were really for I would pretend to drink them and then spit it in the toilet. The worst part of all is I tried telling people and NO ONE LISTENED, everyone just thought I was trying to get attention it took me to run away for a day and just disappear for someone to listen. I went thought this horrible hell from the age of 12 until I was 15 years old, and I always till this day blame my self and hate my self for allowing it to happen, but at the time I was being threatened and I was scared and I just wanted a family A NORMAL FAMILY, A REAL FATHER, at the time I was terrified, I tried to od on pills 3 times and it didn't work because I kept throwing up, I tried to throw my self down a flight a stairs, I've ran away in the middle of the night and gone to places a child should not go to hoping someone would snatch me and just end my life right then and there, I didn't care how I just wanted to die!! To end the misery and abuse, I've cut my self... I put rat poison in my fathers food one day that his wife left ready for him on top of the dining table, but I got scared and threw the plate away and served a new plate of food. TILL THIS DAY THESE MEMORIES HAUNT ME EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY I HAVE MULTIPLE ISSUES THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH BECAUSE OF THIS ABUSE AND I'VE ALWAYS BLAMED MY SELF, BUT TRUTH IS ITS NOT MY FAULT...I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS LIFE AND PAIN AND ABUSE PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY! Today I have a 5 year old daughter and it just makes the sexual abuse I've gone through so much harder to deal with. I left a WHOLE lot of the story out there is so much more to it that no one can even begin to think. This is just quarter of what my childhood has been through. :-/




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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Arry

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Jul 19, 2012
Arry:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are not to blame for anything that happened to you. You are not responsible for the abuse. You did not let anything happen...it was your father who had all the power, and he misused that power in a vile way. You were young and vulnerable, and he took advantage of that. He knew you wanted a father more than anything in the world, so he used that against you. It's HIM that has shame, guilt and blame to bear, not you. Never you. You are not being fair to your Self when you apply more mature adult values on what you did and didn't do as a child. Recognize that you were a child at the time. Recognize that you did not have any power at the time. The power is now yours to take back. You have a child of your own, which is triggering you, especially given her age. As you protect her from having to endure the same abuse you dealt with, you are helping to heal your Self. Take time for your Self, Arry. Consider seeking out some form of counselling or therapy in order to gain perspective about what happened to you and the effects you've now been dealing with for a number of years. Always remember that it wasn't your fault, and that you are worthy of the help you need. I send you love, light and healing energy, Arry. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 19, 2012
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Hello, I greatly appreciate your comment, your kind words mean a lot. I really do wish I could see it as not being my fault, but the more time that passes by the more difficult I find it is to cope with what I had endured as a child, why is that??. I am currently seeking phsycologic help in regards to my issues, I've realized I need help I can't keep pretending that these nightmares and bad memories aren't real and never happened and it's just going to disapear, because truth is its not, it's anything but as much I wish it was all just a bad nightmare, it's all true, it all happened so now I was live with it, cope with and just keep moving forward. Thank you very much. Bless you :-)

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Child Abuse Story From Aiden

by Aiden
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm 25 now. When I was 15 me and my brother were abused by our dad. He would lock my younger brother in his room for days without food and a bowl of water, while I would be locked in our fathers bedroom. He used to tie me to the radiator next to his bed. My brother was emotionally abused as well as sexually. I was severely physically abused. I was beaten everyday with different objects, one time he used a baseball bat. I wasn't allowed to cry. If I cried he would tell me he was going to kill my brother and that it would be my fault. Then he'd take a hot spoon and burn me with it. One weekend he locked me in the attic and burnt me with an iron. I screamed and the neighbour phoned the police. Me and my brother were rescued.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Aiden

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Jul 19, 2012
Aiden:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your father was sick and twisted in the worst way. I do hope you understand that what happened to you and your brother was not your fault. You were not to blame. Your abuser was to blame. He used your vulnerabilities and your youth against you in the most vile ways. Such a sick man does not belong with the rest of society. No matter what happened to him, it doesn't justify what he did to you and your brother. All I can say is thank goodness someone saw fit to make that call that ultimately led to you both being rescued. I do hope you have had or are considering some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with the terrible effects of enduring such horrific abuse. You didn't deserve to be abused, Aiden. You (and your brother) deserved to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Always remember that. Always remember that you did nothing wrong. That what was wrong was inside of your abuser. What he did had nothing to do with you; it had everything to do with HIM. You were, and are, worthy of Love. Treat your Self better than anyone ever has, and treat others as you would like to be treated. That's how to bring more love into your life. I send you love, light and healing energy, Aiden. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 19, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Aiden, where was your mother? Your dad is sadistic and it's not your fault that he tortured you; you didn't cause him to abuse you; he chose to abuse you. Thank goodness the neighbor saved you and your brother; I just hope that sick beast gets incarcerated for all those terrible crimes that he committed against you because you and your brother did nothing wrong.

Aug 03, 2012
Reply
by: Aiden

Its Aiden here. Anyone asking my mother left because my dad was abusing her. I haven't seen her since the night she left. I don't want to. My brother has developed anxiety since. I am fine as far as I know, apart from the scars literally all over my body. My brother has been so brave since we were rescued, considering all he went through at the age of 9. Thank you for your kind comments.

Oct 26, 2012
Similar
by: HongJie Yin

I just escaped from my abusive dad. Sounds like you've been through a lot.

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Child Abuse Story From Gaythri

by Gaythri
(Location Undisclosed)


AT the age of 16 i was in my higher secondary ,that is the day we returned from nepal ,I had tution exams in the morning n my dad used to drop me,
i think he was watching all that because after my exams i got a call from him and he asked me where i m? i tol him i just finished my exams,,he tol me tht my dad n mom r in his place and we all r goin out so since he is close to my exam centre he wud drop me there,,I remember my mom warning me not to go into anybody's car but still i went because i never had a slightest thot tht he was a criminal minded b*****d,

he took me straight to his office,wen i asked y we were here he said, that his computer had a prob n he wanted my help, he forced me n i felt as though like my dad coz he used to call me "BETA"(means daughter), but thn finally i went to his office n ther usually a female used to be ther,but tht day she wasnt,n he showed me the comp ,i found no fault in it,by that time he had bought a bed from somewer n he forced me n did somethin to me, he dint take my top off but i m not sure wat he did in the bottom, i was shocked n screamt in pain,he closed my mouth n kept tellin "PLEASE BETA DONT MAKE NOISE" if ppl get to kno they ll kill me. I got up from ther n he made me sit n tol me tht i shud not tell anybody abt it,n tht the 2 families will be destroyed,i was too young to understand all this,i kept quiet,i still remeber the whole night i cried n from serials n movies i knew tht wat happened was too wrong
The next day i went to my school and tol my frnd abt everythin thing tht happenend,she heared them all in shock n tol me tht i shud tell some elderly person about this, me n her decided to tell my teacher,i told her everythin and she listenend to it with lots of patience, n she tol me tht i shud go n tell my mom or anybody in my family abt this,i decided to tell my mom,
n i still remember my mom lyin on the diwan n my gradmom,i went to my granny n tol her wat happen to me but in some other person's name,my granny got a shock of her life n she reacted badly,i realised tht i cannot tell it to them,

The next day wen i went to school that teacher of mine had tol many other teacher's as well n they all started lookin at me as a spoiled young girl,my teacher being a women gave no help to me and inspite destroyed my trust by tellin other's.that teacher advised my frnd to whom i tol first abt this ,tht i m not a good gal n she shud not talk much to me as she cud loose her studies becoz of me. when my frnd tol me this i went into deep pain n started cryin, i realised tht no body cud help me.

My mom maintained a very open forum with me n i had all the rights to tell her anythin that happened in this world but in those days i felt that it was somewhere my mistake and i would be blamed and punished by all who hear this because MY MOM ALWAYS ADVISES ME NOT TO GO INTO ANYONE'S CAR AND HE KNEW THIS VERY WELL, and she would blame me for this,even the abuser threatened me by tellin that the society and your mom is gona blame u for gettin into my car inspite of her continous advice,this was where i went wrong,i thot he was right and i would be blamed by all,he said if it comes out thn ill tell that "YOU CAME TO ME WITH UR OWN WISH" i cried n cried and he made complete use of my silence,i started hatin all male includin my dad,i never trust any male even today,i look at them with a suspicious eye. thn i realised tht he strted abusing me by tellin me tht he had copies of that day wat he had done to me,he asked me to come n take it n again i went
to take it n he did it again,later many times he used to threaten me n do things to me,i was in deep pain n regret n dono wat else,i felt suicidal
many times but had no guts n the love to my parents was so extreme tht i cudnt do it, coz he cudnt do it all the time in office he had a land wer he made a small place jus to use me,i lost my studies,thts my engineering coz of him,it was the time i felt even horrible coz most of frnds got into engineerin n i being a good student jus got 54%,my mom n dad were into depression coz they expected me to get it,i m not sure how long it wen on but i guess for less thn a year,the day i joined my degree coll n found good frnds, i was 17 by thn,i realised tht its high time i shud react n i decided to talk to him badly, wen he called me oneday i strongly tol him tht "U r a criminal n u don deserve to live, i also tol him tht he made use of a young gal who was 27 years younger to him n oly 1 year elder thn his son,i called him an animal n a disgustin man for cheatin on his wife n children, it was tht words of mine tht hurt him n he strted goin mad,he literally strted runnin behind me n tellin "sorry",i never picked up any calls n frequently kept changin numbers,but he used to somehow get it from either my mom's phone or dad's,n thn finally 3 years went by n i never used to talk to him wen he came home i tried sittin upstairs itself,i started living 2 life,one as an abused and helpess child and other as a happy daughter, the worst feeling was that my mom n dad used to talk to him daily without knowing what he did to their daughter,the abuser his wife n kids used to come home and we all used to go out,,i used to feel disgusted to talk to him n had stopped callin him the word "UNCLE",that word meant a lot to me n i used to call oly trustworthy ppl like tht, I HAD THE WORST TIME OF MY LIFE,
Later somehow due to gods grace and my prayer's we had stopped goin out all together and he oly used to call home to talk to my parents, I started hating him so much tht i stopped pickin up even the land phones fully,i used to get annoyed if i pick the phone n hear his voice.

I think my words started killin him n after 3 years he died due to electric shock,the first time i heared it from my mom over the phone i felt bad but dint cry a bit,coz it was wat he deserved,he always used to msg me n tell sorry for my mistake n pls forgive me,n i hav never replied or spoken to him, he used to msg me, he used to keep a track of wer ever i go n wat ever i do,dono y,i always felt tht,wen he died all news about him strted comin out,tht he was a big time womenizer n used everybody,my dad felt suspicious n terreble,he used to make noise n fight with my mom,tellin tht he was worried wether it was his daughter or wife.i got scared n frightened n prayed all gods so tht it doesnt come out,I cannot see my mom n dad in pain n i cried n strugglin with internal pain alone.

There was another reason why i dint tell my mom even today that is my dad isn't a very supportive father nor a husband emotionally,and in those days and even now wen i was abused(ie 5 years back) my parents always quarell and hav problems with each other,my mom was always tensed with my dad's attitude,and tht abuser knew this very well, he knew tht i wud'nt tell her coz it wud add to her problems,my dad never gives us any emotional support and blames us for whatever happens, so even in those days if i wud hav tol my mom,she wud hav to tell my dad to deal with it and my dad for sure is gonna take a step against him but at the same time he wud make my mom's living miserable by blaming her for not protecting her daughter.

I had decided not to marry anybody n stay single througout my life,but thn wen my parents found a guy for me ,i tried to stop it in many ways but it was as though we were meant to be with each other,i wanted to tell him about it but thn we got too close n i felt i wud lose him if i tell becoz to whomever i have told this they have betrayed my trust,so i lost my trust in anybody,i had recovered from it a little after meeting my husband,i was very happy with my him

Thn we got marrried in April, thn after 2 months one day in june wen i spoke to my mom she tol me tht,the recent news about tht abuser was tht
he used to make use of a small 16 year old gal n its all taken in video cam n his frnd has all the videos with him,i got scared n all my bad
memories flew bak to me,i lost weight in jus 2 days without food,my husband is such as an awsome person tht he read my mind n found out tht i
m not happy,he asked me n i cud't lie lookin into his eyes,i tol him evrythin n i feel blessed tht i found a good frnd in my husband.

Now since my husband knows everythin,i oly want a solution if me my husband shud tell my mom,she is a very sensitive person and a righteous person
too,she wud never give me up but she wud regret for not protectin me n die in tht pain.Even today at the age of 22 i m scared to tell her,the abuser's wife is my mom's good friend too and i think this guy(abuser's frnd) has told her that the 16 year old gal was me. She indirectly talks to my mom about this telling that "dont beleive gals including your daughter",every morning wen i chat with my mom on the webcam she tells me all this what that lady tells her and makes me sware that i m not that girl,everytime she starts that topic my body starts shivering and my hands go cold and tears get filled in my eyes, i feel helpless,i want to tell her but i m not able to.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Gaythri

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Oct 12, 2012
Gaythri:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your mother obviously suspects you were the 16-year-old girl that this man abused, otherwise she wouldn't be asking you to swear that it wasn't you. It is your decision about whether or not to tell her. What's important is not whether you tell HER, but what you do for your Self in order to deal with the repercussions of what happened at the hands of this abuser. Always remember that you were not to blame, even when you went with him in his car. He was the adult, you were the child. It was HIS responsibility to not abuse you. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with what happened. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy, Gaythri. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 14, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Gaythri, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 2 separate comments from this particular commenter who leaves posts that are judgmental and wholly inappropriate. I cannot block her, but I'll continue to delete her comments before they ever go live on the site.

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Child Abuse Story From TT

by TT
(Location Undisclosed)

When you look at me, I am a happy teenage girl. I seem to have 0 problems and everything's my life is perfect. At school I'm known pretty much as the school queen. No one messes with me at school because I myself can throw a deadly punch. But to understand why I've involved myself in physical altercations at school you have know my past, my childhood. From a young age of about 5, I was physically and mentally abused by my mother. My mum would hit, kick, throw stuff, use knifes, suffocation, anything and everything. Along with the name calling and your not good enough downgrading I received everyday. I always believed there was nothing wrong with it, she always told us stories of how her mother used to beat on her. So I always thought that's how it goes.. I have a brother and two sisters, my brother is young than me and one of my sisters is older the other younger. My older sister and I tried our best to take beatings for our younger siblings but it was hard to shield them from the abuse, at night times when my mum was in a bad mood she used to make us get into the car and drive out to the middle of no where and either drop us there or turn all the lights off in the car and speed down the road hoping we'd die. I mean how do you save someone from that? The police right? Mum told us that if we told someone if someone found out we'd be taken to docs where we'd never see each other again until we were at least 18 and we still might never. So when I go to school and I see someone hurting or insulting someone I care about I flashback to mum and my siblings and I feel as though I can protect them here. It's crazy, I don't even know. My flashbacks have got about a hundred times worst.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From TT

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Jul 25, 2012
TT:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I know you feel responsible for your siblings, and have extended that to others around you. You're a caring and compassionate person. I do know what that's like: When you see something that isn't fair or someone who cannot defend themselves against an unfair attack, you have to jump in. I also know what it's like to take the approach of "get them before they get me". It's as though you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, making sure the world is an equitable place to be and protecting your Self in the process. And you'll use all the force you have to ensure that no one is mistreated whenever and wherever you can, including you when that's possible. I really do know what that's like; I lived it growing up, TT. I also know that it's a way to do for others what you were unable to do for your Self. And I also know that what happened to you and your siblings was not your fault and that there was nothing you could do to stop what your obviously mentally disturbed mother was doing. You did the best you could, and it was good enough. You just didn't have any power. Your mother had all the power, and she misused it. Using your physical force to make up for that now will only serve to get you into trouble somewhere along the way. There's a difference between using your skills to true betterment, and using those skills in ways that hurt someone. The latter is a misuse of your power. Please talk to a trusted teacher or a school counsellor or perhaps the parents of a friend. Consider contacting one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. You don't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you have been abused. Don't lose the caring, loving person you really are. I send you love, light and healing energy, TT. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 26, 2012
TT
by: Anonymous

TT, I really hope you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! Your mom is deeply troubled. Where was your dad? Beating you, berating you, throwing stuff at you, trying to stab you with knives, trying to suffocate you and even trying to get you in the car accident; what she did is abuse. Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. Maybe she's probably frustrated with her own life and chose to take it out on you; sadly, she never got any help that she needed because no one is helping her. You are not to blame for her behavior; you didn't cause her to abuse you; she CHOSE to abuse you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

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Child Abuse Story From Alex

by Alex
(Location Undisclosed)

The first time I remember being touched and fondled this happened for a while and it was not that bad but as kids we didn’t feel any harm in it, photos of us playing with each other were taken. The most remembered moments were when we would hear the other kid crying and being abused in the other room some nights. This did not happen to me as often as the other kid, but some nights his dad would come and take me to his room and make me take my clothes off and he would touch me and take photos and make me do things to him that I don’t like talking about. We would end up sleeping in the same bed some nights for comfort. I guess he didn’t want to make things noticeable on me or something, but he enjoyed it I guess. His dad didn’t like us crying it wasn’t the manly thing to do we were told, but we still cried some nights. We had a brotherhood between the 2 of us to always be quite about what was happening I guess we felt guilty or it could have been that his dad told us no one would believe us and no one wanted to hear our stories. I only continued to over all the time because he was my only friend and he liked me coming over as I believe it was comforting to have someone else know what was happening. These events took place for about 2 years and they moved to somewhere that doesn’t matter because I truly would kill this person in the slowest most painful way possible and please don’t ask me how because all my life after this I have been that person that takes everything to the next level and they deserved 10 fold of what was given so think dark and twisted then times it by 10 and you see where I hold a deep and dark evil that should never be released.

I do remember moving, my mom’s new husband was also being abusive towards me for not being his own son. This is was the beginning physical and emotional abuse. I didn’t like him from the get go. I missed my father, but he was bared in the grasp of is ex-wife who was also emotionally abusing me. Everything was somewhat ok, other than being beat with a thick leather belt or smacked in the back of the head or hell whatever else he could find at the time for whatever reason I had made him mad. I never had any really good times with my family and was always looking for a replacement parent or someone that would let me be me to get away from everyone. Teachers hated me other kids parents hated and I know this because they made it clear, hell a teacher call me a nazi in middle school because of my last name and they also made bets on if I was going to pass the class instead of trying to help me learn. I was often pulled out of classes by teacher and made to sit a room by myself after being yelled at. I got in fights in school for a minute and was later sent to an alternative school. I was a lost child with issues and no one cared or ever wanted to help me with anything. I gave up fast and seeing no hope to move toward the future.

I was always a shy kid in fear after what had already happened in my life, but looking for some kind of friendship or care from someone. My mom was always there for me, but had her own issues. I found one of my neighbors was very nice and would talk to me and became trusting, I was shy of course, but I went to his house and built a fairly good relationship with him as he was very nice and gave me gifts. Well, after sometime of hanging out and smoking weed with him often and doing cocaine and drinking sometimes which I really liked I know it was because of the numb feeling that it gave me. He asked me I wanted to see something he took me to a bedroom and closed the door. I asked to leave and I was asked sit on the bed for a minute and smoke with him, I didn’t want to but he was blocking the door and I had nowhere to go. I started crying and he asked me why I told him I was afraid he asked me if I trusted him and out of fear I said yes. He had me smoke with him and then he started rubbing my legs, out of fear I froze, I didn’t say anything, he pulled my shorts and underwear off. I was told me to give him oral and I refused he made me roll over and he raped me. I remember disappearing in my head and thinking things would be over before I knew it, I guess it was a coping skill I had learned from my friend. I remember the pain clearly to this day. He had threatened me that if I said anything or didn’t come back he would kill me, I believed him.

He had me convinced that it was my fault, but I was asking myself why this was happening to me. I feel like it was my entire fault I was to friendly or to trusting, maybe I gave him mixed signs like hugs for gifts or free money to go do things, but maybe he could tell that I was an easy target I don’t know, but he waited and baited me in with drugs. I guess I was a magnet to finding the f***ed up people in this world. The drugs made it easy to forget or at least go numb from the beginning to end. At first I was afraid and would return as felt I had no choose in the matter. I knew it was wrong to keep going over there over time, but I would get paid or given drugs to be quiet about what was going on and at this point I liked getting high it was an escape from life and the pain and the thoughts in my mind. I thought it was better than being at home and wondering if I was going to get beat or told I wasn’t sh*t and never will be and feeling alone. I was going to tell my mom, but when I did my mom was doing oral on my stepfather and I was even more confused and started to think that well this is what life is all about, so I stayed silent, I guess I was that dumb I don’t know.




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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Alex

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Jul 02, 2012
Alex:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's not that you were a magnet for pedophiles; it's that you were set up by parents and step parents that were so twisted and disturbed themselves that they didn't provide what you needed. Instead, they set you up for "grooming" by others and for you searching for what you weren't getting at home. You were looking for a family, someone to trust, and that's what the pedophiles saw. They took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. Then they despicably threatened you in ways that made you believe it was your fault and that no one would believe you. I can understand the harm you want to do to these pedophiles, especially your friend's dad. The hate and anger you feel is certainly earned. What you must understand about that hate and anger is that you're the one in prison. Hanging onto hate and anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. And that's not the reality; the reality is that you are the one suffering, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually (as in Who You Really Are). You deserve to be freed from that prison. Please consider seeking out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with what you endured at the hands of some very sick people. Stop blaming your Self. You were not to blame. You have no shame to bear, even though you think you do. You were groomed, taken advantage of, and used for your vulnerabilities. You were a child making choices based on what you were faced with, and making them alone. Responsibility lies solely on the shoulders of those abusers. Period. End of story. Forgive the choices you made for your Self, not because you did wrong, but because you were simply trying to survive. You're very strong, Alex. Use that strength for self-healing, not for self-blame. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Tricia

by Tricia
(Nevada, USA)

Unfortunately My Story is also My Daughters: 
When I was 8yrs old my mom had a boyfriend and that boyfriend had a son who was 17yrs old. During Christmas season of that year we all went shopping. Apparently my mother needed to do shopping for me and my sisters, so sent me and the 17 year old to the car. That was when it started. He made me give him oral sex and I was still down there during the ride home. He told our parents I was asleep on his lap. I wish I could tell you how many times it happened, but at this time I do not remember. 8 months after it started I moved with my dad and was never touched inappropriately again. I went on with life as normal, not giving it much thought.
Then I had kids, man how can you love anything more than your own kids. I had a son then two years later had a daughter. I promised them both, mostly my daughter I am sad to say that, but I did. That never ever would I let anyone touch them in a bad way. I didn't just leave it at a promise made while I was holding them as babies. I was very protective of them both. But, I also educated them as they got older on good touches, bad touches, told them the things someone might say as "I will hurt your family if you tell" and anything else I could think of. Well when my daughter was 8yrs old the worst happened.
It was a school holiday and the kids were staying with their grandparents, my husbands parents. They were good grandparents, (or at least I thought that), My father-in-law sexually abused my daughter that day. My daughter went to her grandma right after and told. Brave Girl! However, her grandma told her not to tell us. My brave girl didn't listen to that either and told me as soon as I got home from work.
That day changed both of us forever. We of course prosecuted and he was found guilty but it was so much more than having him legally responsible. My world shattered. I don't know if I can ever explain the hatred and the pain that I went through knowing I let my girl down.
I am trying to heal, counseling has helped us both, however my counselor has recently stated that I really need to go back and deal with what happened to me. I am not ready yet to go there. But soon I hope! Soon I will take that on and hopefully then my daughter and I can both get past this......




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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Tricia

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Sep 06, 2012
Tricia:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You were there for your little girl. You taught her (and your son) to tell you if anything ever happened. And you taught her so well! Even when an adult she trusted told her not to tell you, she had the courage to tell you anyway. If you hadn't done what you did to ensure your children stayed safe, then the abuse would likely have gone on without your knowledge. That's what you must focus on. You were abused by someone who was not a family member. You didn't get the education about abuse that was necessary for you to know what to do in the event of someone who touched you inappropriately. You learned more later as you got older and wanted to keep your children from suffering what you suffered. And you certainly wouldn't have believed that your husband's father, your children's grandfather, would be an abuser. So take it easy on your Self. You were instrumental in ensuring your daughter had the support she needed. And then you were instrumental in ensuring her abuser was prosecuted. And then you were instrumental in ensuring she got the therapy she needed, and may still need. What's holding YOU back now is what happened to you as a helpless child. I agree with the counsellor who said that you really need to go to counselling to deal with your own pain. You said you're not yet ready. I understand that. I understand the fear of remembering and reliving what happened. But the greatest fear is re-awakening the fear and betrayal and abandonment. It will keep haunting you and you will keep re-living it now if you choose not to deal with it all. The longer you decide to keep the emotions buried, the harder they will try to surface, and then affect every aspect of your being, everything around you, including your children. The greatest gift you can give to your children is to take really good care of their mother. That means taking care of their mother from the inside out. You AND your children are worthy of that, Tricia. I send you and your children love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing yours and your daughter's story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 07, 2012
Thank you Darlene
by: Tricia

Thank you so much for your comments. I really appreciate every thing that you said.

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Child Abuse Story From Chloe For My Friend

by Chloe
(England)

i happen to know some one who got hit bye a baseball bat and hit with you know them glass bottle lid things from a bottle a glass lid they would get poked in the arm with it this person was my old frend she use to cry to me everyday at school saying im scared of my dad i always ask her why at first she said nothing 3rd time she told me i said you got to tell the police she i said wat about your mum she said that she is sick and tired of her dad doing this so she told the police he got in jail hes out now but he ant aloud to go near his daughtar now theres more problems now that her parents got divorced she lives with her mum her dad is trying to get custody the police and her mum sorted that esily no they said and she didnt here from him again she is now very happy with her mum (best of luck my frend by your old frend)




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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Chloe For My Friend

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Sep 06, 2012
Chloe:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're an excellent friend, a very caring and compassionate friend. And now your friend is in a safe place, in part because you were supportive and told her what she needed to hear. Keep up the great work, Chloe! I send you and your friend love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your friend's story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Kerry

by Kerry
(Virginia, USA)

Sex at 14: 
I have been trying to deal with my abuse for 2 years now after the fact and have been unable to. I was 14 when my best friends father started abusing me. He got to know my family and became best friends with my brother and my mom. And I fell for his tricks. I thought I was in love by the time I was 15 years old. And my parents knew about the abuse and just thought he was "good people" so thought I was lying. He restricted me. I skipped school in high school all the time to be with him, missed my high school homecomings and prom. Have current issues with my body and my perception of who I am and constantly blame myself. The abuse went on for 4 years. I was 18 when it stopped. I woke up one day and just thought enough is enough. Went to the police and reported him. He was convicted of Sex abuse in the 3rd degree last year and is on the Sex Offender List in Maryland. I thought all these things would help me get over what happened to me and move on and unfortunately it hasn't I still catch myself "missing" who i was when i was around him because I was a more alive person I think. Now I am so closed and I let myself gain weight and I hate myself. I dont know how to over come these things.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kerry

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Sep 05, 2012
Kerry:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It doesn't surprise me that you haven't found healing as a result of a conviction for your abuser. That rarely happens because abuse wounds us on the inside. A conviction does not change the effects of what was done to us, what we endured. I learned a very long time ago that we can't look at our healing path as though we've already reached it's pinnacle. "Overcoming" these things requires a process of walking a path that helps us deal with the emotions we are experiencing, without shame and without judgment. Meet your Self where you are in the moment, without judgment. If you can do that then options are far more likely to open up to you. I strongly recommend you seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you gain perspective and deal with what you endured, both at the hands of your abuser and at the enabling of your parents. You deserve that in your life. I send you love, light and healing energy, Kerry. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Kayla R

by Kayla
(USA)

I am 17 now and I am doing great despite the sexual abuse i endured at the age of 6. The sexually abuse went on for a year or two. Every time my mother would go to work he would always make my older brother go upstairs and he would lay me on the couch and take my panties off. He made me touch myself while he watched and played with himself. He taught me things a young girl shouldn't know. He made me suck on him. I spit it out on his chest after that he told me to put my clothes back on and he went and washed it off. After that he expected me to do it more and one day he raped me on this little pallet he made on the floor. He wasnt the only one sexually abusing me either. His son would come and stay and whenever everyone went to bed he would come up to my room. Eventually my mother and him broke up. I have never told anyone what happened to me as a child even my mother has no idea of the sexual abuse I suffered.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Sep 16, 2012
Kayla:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You deserve better for your Self. The longer you keep the secret the more it will haunt you. Keeping the secret implies you are ashamed, yet you have nothing to be ashamed of. Shame and guilt and blame are squarely on the shoulders of the pedophiles who sexually abused you. None of what happened was your fault. None of it. By keeping the secret you're protecting the pedophiles instead of making choices that could help you to deal with the trauma you experienced. Kayla, you were a little girl who had no one there to protect you and keep you safe from harm. And you sure as heck couldn't do it for yourself. Your mother brought a man into your life, a man (though I use the term loosely, since no real man would ever sexually abuse a child) who took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities, a man who's interest in your mother was to get a you as a 6-year-old helpless little girl and gratify is own sick and twisted sexual desires. Please tell someone, otherwise this will consume you and adversely affect every aspect of your life: your intimate relationships, your ability to trust, your school work, and eventually, your job and the relationships with your co-workers, and possibly your ability to get a job. As you move through the various ages and stages of your life, you'll find that the affects will creep in even deeper and more insidiously; perhaps in ways you won't even connect to the abuse. You didn't deserve to be abused. You deserved to be treated with dignity and respect. You deserved to be protected and kept safe from harm. If there is any way you can enter into some form of counselling or therapy, please consider doing so. You certainly deserve that kind of help in your life. But it starts with you being honest and telling someone you trust. I send you love, light and healing energy, Kayla. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 17, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Kayla, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 2 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are judgmental and wholly inappropriate, and she just won't stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

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Child Abuse Story From John

by John
(Winnpeg, Manitoba, Canada)

Hi, i have been abused in many different ways but their all physical abused..one of the abuse that my dad did to me is when he use his belt to abuse me!The other abuse he did to me was also slapping me hard in the face, use a plastic jar and hit it in my head and the plastic jar broke..my dad always hate me for no reasons..if anyone reads this,i think child abusers must be punished...




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Sep 20, 2012
John:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It wasn't that your dad hated YOU; it's that he hated HIMSELF. He was very disturbed, twisted in his way of thinking, and in the brutal ways he treated you. That's completely on him. It really had nothing to do with you, except that you were young and vulnerable and there, which made you a target for his anger and hostility. You didn't say how old you are. If you're still a minor child, I urge you to contact Kids Helpline in Canada at 1-800-668-6868. They are staffed with professionally trained counsellors who will help you with your options. You can remain anonymous. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/en/home.asp

If you're an adult, please consider seeking out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the effects of what you endured growing up in such an abusive environment. You didn't deserve to be mistreated. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy, John. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 20, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

John, I really hope that you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! Anyway, if not, you can and will be in further danger and your so-called dad can and will continue to brutalize you; he's proven that already just by those nasty injuries that he's already inflicted upon you. He has the mindset that you are to be submissive and obedient at every cost, so please get out of that house now! Next time he lays a hand on you ever again, please consider reporting him to the cops ASAP; beating you, slapping you and hitting you on the head with a plastic jar...TELL, TELL, TELL!!! Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. Maybe he's frustrated with his own life and chose to take it out on you; sadly, he never got any help that he needs because no one is helping him; however, you can choose to get help for yourself, so please tell someone you really trust.

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Child Abuse Story From Alleshia

by Alleshia
(Florida, USA)

I was molested at the age of 10 by my step grandfather.On the first day,I just went into his room to see if he was alright because he had a bad cough.When I went in there he told me to come here.and ofcourse i did.He told me that i was nice and he promised me a gift if i dont tell and i said yes.then he told me to kiss him.This molest went on for 1 week.I invited my friends over without telling my mom when she was gone.When my friends left,i told her that he is touching on me.I was crying real bad. Till this day I cant trust no man not even my male teacher.I have another story too but i dont really dont want to talk about it.But anyway ive been through so much in my life.I have 2 brothers and 1 sister.BTW,im 12 I just wanted to get this story out. :)




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Sep 20, 2012
Alleshia:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Always remember that what happened to you wasn't your fault. It will never be your fault. EVER. Fault, blame and shame belongs squarely on the shoulders of the abusers. Always. You showed tremendous courage by telling your mother, so I hope you're giving your Self a lot of credit. I do hope that something was done to keep you safe from your grandfather. As for how you now feel, I can understand not trusting. That's one of the effects of being abused. Just understand that not everyone is like your grandfather. Do what you must in order to feel safe. For example, when talking with a male teacher, have a friend or friends with you. As you move through the various ages and stages of your life, you'll learn to read signs and signals, both outside of your Self and inside your Self, which can help you. But I also believe that you need other help. Talk to your mother about how you're feeling. Be honest about your fears. Perhaps she can arrange for you to talk to a professional. Reach out to a counsellor at school, if that feels safe for you. Just don't keep what you're feeling inside, because when you do, those feelings will struggle to get out. And that will in turn affect every aspect of your life: your school work, your friendships, your relationships with your family members, etc. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and that starts with YOU. Know that you are worthy, Alleshia. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Lulu

by Lulu
(Location Undisclosed)

I know this isn't as bad as some of the other stories I see on here -- but mental abuse hurts too. My dad has anger problems. Sometimes he explodes over the littlest things - like accidentally stepping on his toe! He yells at me and calls me stupid and other bad words and makes me feel 2 feet tall. He also makes me feel uncomfortable. Like he smacks my butt, and says not to wear "booty shorts" because it might make him "too excited." I'm afraid to tell someone, about how he is making me feel though! I told my mom once, but she said I was "over-exaggerating." Maybe I was -- but it still hurts when he calls me names and yells at me. :(




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Aug 01, 2012
Lulu:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Try not to compare what you're dealing with and what other visitors here are dealing with. It's not about who has it worse, but rather, it's about the effects you're left with. Emotional abuse is very difficult to overcome; it can leave the deepest scars. When you father says those nasty things to you, it really isn't about YOU; it's really all about HIM. I know that's so challenging to believe when you're a young person, but it's true. There's something not right about a father who talks to his daughter in this way. We tend to believe what our parents say to us and the messages they send us that are both direct and indirect. But our parents are not infallible. They not only make mistakes, sometimes they do terrible things. These nasty things about you are not true. You are not those lies. You are wonderful just as you are. Always believe that.

Your father has no right to make sexual references to or about you. I can certainly understand why you feel so uncomfortable. It concerns me that your mother isn't taking this more seriously. You didn't say where you live, Lulu, but I do strongly suggest you contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. You need to talk to someone about this. Please call one of those numbers. You don't deserve to be mistreated or treated inappropriately. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you are. I send you love, light and healing energy, Lulu. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 02, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Lulu, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 2 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, multiple posts are judgmental and wholly inappropriate, and she just won't stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

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Child Abuse Story From Annie

by Annie
(Arizona, USA)

Part one: My story isn't as bad as most, well what I remember. I'm a victim of Emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. As a young child my mother was a meth addict and an alcoholic, so my father's mother took care of me a lot of the time. My mother would whip me with a belt at a young age, for things I didn't even do, my sisters (3 of them all older) would say I did things I didn't even do. At the age of 3 years old I was molested by a family friend who was about 14 at the time it started, I can't remember every thing I blocked most of it out, and I think it's a good thing I do. I remember goin to a isolated area around my house and he would do things to me,the one that haunts me to this day, is we were out by a group of trees which is not a common thing in Arizona, he started fingering me and I started crying sayin I would tell my daddy, I remember him putting his hands around my neck, and told me he would murder my sisters in front of me and then kill me. As a five or six year old this was extremely scary. That was not the only time that he threatened to murder me if I told our little secret. Once I was about seven he put a pocket knife into my throat hard enough there's a scar on my throat from the knife. Saying he would murder me if I told. What stopped B**** ,one night I was at my home and he tried to break in while on drugs, I was eight years old, and I thought he thought I told someone and he came to murder me. I flipped out, My mother got me calmed down and when the cops came I was crying but would not tell them why because I was scared. When I told the cops that night, they where shocked. I made the statements and everything but as the cops said, I took too long to tell someone, I let it happen for too long, so B**** got away with it, later we found out that he was not only molesting/raping me he raped two of his cousins (Younger then me; one 2 years younger, other 5) and his little sister (5 years younger then I) all because I didn't tell anyone sooner. I take full responsibility for what happened to these 3 little girls. I will live with that for the rest of my life. (One was raped by him from when she was 2 to the age of 13. Another was 3 till she was 10 and the other from the age of 2 to the age of 10) I think of them as sisters, and I should have told sooner and he would have been in a place where he couldn't have hurt them. After I told about the sexual abuse is then where the Emotional Abuse started. After my Grandmother on my mother side found out about the abuse I stayed with them in Utah(Just me not my sisters or my mother or father) . Where she would tell me I was a sl*t and deserved everything that happened. She still says I'm a wh**e and will never amount to anything. (Besides being raped I never had sex with anyone, and I have been going to college since I was a Junior in High School to become a Nurse Practitioner) My grandfather would beat me with a belt at this time in my life, for things I didn't do or things that where idiotic, like playing on the grass at school. I eventually left my grandparents house to move in with my father whom divorced my mother at this time. Everything was fine till I was about 13 then I was starting to get rebellious, My father started Emotionally abusing me, calling me everything from a sl*t to a stupid ugly fat a** b***h. My father quit drinking and doing drugs and stopped by the time I was 17. My mother never has stopped Emotionally abusing me. I just quit talking to her about a month ago. Same with my abusive Grandmother. I turned 19 over the summer. I'm now having issues with Relationships. My ex boyfriend was abusive he would push me or hit me if I did or said something he didn't like. I found out a month ago he was sleeping with a 16 year old and she was pregnant (he was 25) and now he telling rumors around the small town we live in that I'm a prostitute, he also has been stalking me, in two days he called me 124 times and texted me over 400 times. Now I'm dating my best friend and he is amazing but controlling at times. I think I'm going to end up marrying someone such as my abusers. :(




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Annie

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Sep 13, 2012
Annie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The first thing I'll say to you is ease up on your Self. For goodness sake, you are NOT the one responsible for the rapes of these 3 little girls; the RAPIST is the one responsible. You don't know what you don't know. You don't know whether or not telling would actually have prevented the abuse of another child because you don't know what would have happened after telling. Yes, I encourage victims to tell in order for the abuse to stop, but never ever would I dream of blaming a child...a CHILD, Annie...for the sexually assaults on another or on themselves. You are applying adult values on choices you made as a child who was afraid for her life and the life of her sisters! You told when you felt it was safe enough TO tell. Give your Self the credit you deserve. Secondly, don't compare what you've endured to what others have experienced. It isn't about who had it worse, but rather, it's about how adversely affected each person was. It's about getting your Self the help you need as a result of what you endured. Thirdly, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. You were denied that by your own parents and grandparents. Don't deny it to your Self. Treat your Self with the dignity and respect and love you deserve. If you keep blaming your Self and mistreating your Self as a result of self-deprecation and self-hate, you will fulfill your last statement. And that doesn't have to be so. When you treat your Self with love and respect, others will follow. And you'll make healthier choices for your Self. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the severe effects of what you endured and the betrayal and abandonment of your parents and grandparents. And to coin a phrase, kick the abusers to road. You deserve better. Always remember that. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They have advocates available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week who can provide crisis intervention, escape planning, information and referrals to victims or anyone calling on their behalf. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.ndvh.org/

I send you love, light and healing energy, Annie. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 13, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Annie, what a sick, deluded grandma that you had to claim that "you deserved to be molested". How dare she! You didn't deserve any of that; you only deserved love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were cruelly denied of. Your grandparents, along with your parents and that pervert, are helpless bullies who chose to use your youth and vulnerabilities for their sick, sadistic gratification instead of simply helping themselves. Oh, and your so-called dad is wrong (and so are your other abusers). You're not fat; you're not ugly; you are beautiful. You are not a s***; you're not a w****; you didn't cause that pervert to rape you; he CHOSE to rape you and he should go to jail for that because perverts don't change their ways until they're made to stop. You are not stupid; you're very smart and articulate. Never believe any of those nasty lies that they're spewing. They didn't deserve to have such a beautiful, gorgeous, smart, wonderful daughter (and granddaughter) like you; most of all, you didn't deserve to have such an uncaring, uneducated, unloving, ignorant, unbelievably ruthless family. As for marrying an abuser, don't do it; you deserve a better husband than some loser. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, far away from them.

Sep 26, 2012
My latest problem
by: Annie

I really don't know what to do now... I recently found out I am pregnant and the baby's dad is a jerk... I'm scared for my baby... more importantly I'm scared to be a mom... I'm scared something like this will happen to my baby. I know I need to be away from my family but they are still my family and I want my baby to have a healthy relationship with it's great grandparents and grandparents but I'm scared they will treat him/her as they treated me in the past...

Oct 28, 2012
help for me :D
by: Annie

So I decided on getting some help... after I found out I was pregnant (which I lost my baby after my ex pushed me down the stairs at his fathers house) I went to a psychologist and she has been helping me go through alot of this... I tried to commit suicide after losing the baby by hanging myself, that really made me decide to get help. During this all I'm dating a really nice guy that is helping me through this whole thing. I don't know what I would do without K... he's amazing. :D I think my life is changing for the better... :) ttyl

Nov 16, 2012
Thank you
by: Annie

So after writing this post, I got myself in alot of trouble,
Becoming pregnant by a man I met the night I had sex with him, whom was also a drug dealer, and losing my baby,
I got into a new relationship with K..., a great guy and things are going well, between Him and the advice given to me on here I decided I needed help I am know in counselling, which is going extremely well,
now Dr. H*** helped me realize that I am not the one to blame for the things B**** did to me, or my parents or grandparents, now I actually have a healthy relationship. Thank you so much

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Child Abuse Story From Britany

by Britany
(Location Undisclosed)

I am inwardly dealing with my pain. I have no self esteem and it seems one problem leads to another. It started when my mom began to feel insecure in her marriage. (I believe this is when she began cheating on my busy father.) I was only 3 at the time but I vividly remember her grabbing me and telling me, "daddy doesn't want you. Your worthless trash." she would then in her drunken stupor drag me to the kitchen and shove me into the trash can. By the time I was five she was so physically abusive I was always having to wear baggy clothing to hide the marks. The emotional abuse was nasty beyond means. I was a wreck. At 14 I had tried to commit suicide numerous times. My friends at school continually tried to convince me to call CPS, but there was no help for me. I had already lost my best friend to suicide. He too had an abusive adopted mother and killed himself in front of me. No pleading or trying to physically reach him was going to work and he left me. I felt at the time like he was my last link to this world. I drank bleach 5 times. Somehow, whether I had an angel watching me or not, someone found me and took me to the hospital every time. I came to an acceptance with my situation and decided during an intervention that I would just try and wait until I was 18. At 16 I was being starved by my mother who locked the pantry and fridge, at this point I believe it was because I stopped pleading for her to stop. I was only able to eat at school with the money I scrapped up, either from stealing from her or selling my things. It was at this point I developed a severe case of "nervous bulimia". Every time my paranoia or fear became too much I would vomit until I was calm. At first is was about 4 times a week, by the end of this it was 6 times a day. I weighed 95lbs at 16 being 5' 6". The physical abuse became so much that I was secretly going to the hospital for stitches 6-8 times a month. I began cutting. I started because the pain was somehow normal to me. I was used to it, almost accustomed to having it. I was cutting almost every night. I slit my wrists at the age of 18, 35 stitches later I was patched up. This was because I had been blackmailed by my mother. She refused to give me my birth certificate and social security card along with everything I owned.  It wasn't until my father divorced her that I could get them back as well as my car and clothes. Now at twenty years old, I am fighting bulimia, cutting, self esteem and so much more, but I have a loving father and a secure home.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Britany

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Aug 20, 2012
Britany:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Clearly, your mother was sick and twisted. Clearly, she had a mental illness. What's so disturbing is how many people abandoned you. Whether or not you were wearing baggy clothes, there were unmistakable signs of abuse. Teachers would have seen those signs, yet no one did what was required of them, whether it was a legal or moral obligation. Hospital staff would have seen evidence of abuse, yet they did nothing. Five different times you were found after consuming bleach in suicide attempts, yet no one thought to look into the problem that caused you to attempt such a desperate act. No matter how "busy" your father was, he had a responsibility to ensure you were kept safe. He HAD to have seen signs, yet he did nothing until it suited HIM, finally divorcing the woman that he couldn't stay married to, yet never lifting a finger to keep you from having to endure endless abuse at her hands. Both your parents have much to answer for. What's important now is how you deal with the repercussions of coming from such abuse, as well as the betrayals and abandonment by so many. I urge you to seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with these repercussions. And I hope your father is not too busy to help you deal with these repercussions. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. You were worthy of being treated with dignity and respect and love. Start by treating your Self with the dignity and respect and love you were so cruelly and maliciously denied. Get the help you need...you're too worthy not to. I send you love, light and healing energy, Britany. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 20, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Britany, your mom is deeply troubled and sadistic. I really hope you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! As for your dad, he could've done more to protect you from that beast of a mother. Oh, and she's wrong. You're not trash; you're not worthless; you're worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of. You are none of those lies that she was spewing towards you. Mature, stable adults do not do what she did to you; children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. It's not your fault that she hurt you; you are important; you are lovable. You are not to blame for her sadistic behavior; she is to blame; you didn't cause her to abuse you; she CHOSE to abuse you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now and that you try counselling. Oh, and look into reporting her as well.

Aug 21, 2012
It's going to be alright
by: Anonymous

I pray that God heals you and delivers you from all the tormenting spirits that allows you to have low self esteem and cut yourself . My prayers are with you !! I also pray for your mom .

Aug 21, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Britany, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 3 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are judgmental and wholly inappropriate, and she just won't stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

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Child Abuse Story From Isabella

by Isabella
(Tennessee, USA)

My dad: 
im 12 mine is kidy abuse my dad used to hit my mom or spank me and my brother sometimes he wood get drunk my mom left hem last year im sad becuse i have bad dreams about stuff that happend when i was a baby i have been waching kids get spanking on youtube i dont no why sometimes i blam myself so i pock myself i told my mom and she said she wanted me to talk to a therpased my dad visted but today he gave me a hug and his breath smelled like beer im very dispoined in him my brother blames my mom but he dostend rember hes 10 now i wish he wood stop takeing it out on my mom my brother also has adhd and he hits me and bites me and punchies me my brother not my dad some times i wont to gest runaway and forget everything my friend that i talk to about it is to my dog but shes old she well probly die sometime soon then i wont have anybody to talk to i no its not abuse but my dad wood tell me i wasent prety sometimes my dad wood fall on me but my mom take of of me befor i wood fall i wish i cood stop rembering but i barliy sleep becuse of the nitemars i tell everybody i do but i dont what shood i do




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Isabella

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Jul 01, 2012
Isabella:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You do not deserve to be witnessing the abuse of your mother. Nor do you deserve to be abused yourself. You need someone to talk to, and there are people out there to turn to. I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse and the effects you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

I send you love, light and healing energy, Isabella. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 01, 2012
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Isabella, your dad is deeply troubled and can't be trusted until he gets help; as for your brother, he's just a mere product for continued abuse because your dad abused him as well just by teaching him to be a bully to you. As for your mom, she could've done more to protect you. Oh, and what your dad did to you is abuse. Oh, and he's wrong. You're not ugly; you're beautiful; never believe any of those soul-stripping lies that he told you. It's not your fault that he hurt you; it's his own fault because they chose to abuse you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Jul 02, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Isabella, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 2 + 3 more separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are judgmental and wholly inappropriate, and she just won't stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

Jul 13, 2012
hie
by: isabella

mom dosent abuse me we left hem he comes to see me but leaves i barly see him but my mom had no momy but were fine now i love my mom she loves us we call hem but we well never ever live with hem agine

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed136

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Unknown)

The worst night mares that I had in my life was being sabotaged by family members starting from the parents who denied me since the day I was born and I've gotten hurt by a number of surprised, extreme hatred and too much fright and the villainous and bias hate crimes that was done to me for several years to the point to where the so called mother and father deliberately brain washed me and they both misled me from the very start and the mother, they pulled me out of school from my kindergarten class.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed136

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Jul 20, 2012
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Most who write here were abused emotionally, physically, sexually and/or neglected. Some were singled out and targeted by their parents for abuse. There was nothing we could do to protect our Selves as children because our parents and caregivers had all the power, power that they misused. And though child abuse does often interfere with our ability to grow and mature into healthy adults, we do have choices we can make when we do become adults. Healing is a choice. We must choose healing for healing to begin. Sometimes we can't do it alone. I strongly recommend some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the repercussions of what you endured as a child, and what you continue to endure as an adult. You didn't deserve to be mistreated. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 20, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

I really hope you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! Children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. Your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for their immature, sick, sadistic misery. You are not to blame for their sadistic behavior; they are to blame; you didn't cause them to abuse you; they chose to abuse you. Again, I really hope that you're in a safe place now; if not, please tell someone you trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Aug 06, 2012
hope
by: Anonymous

at least u can look forward to a nice and bright future with people who love u for who you are

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Story From Name Undisclosed137

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Brothers: 
Maybe if i was a little older when this happened i would of just gone on and ignored it as curiosity. This has been on my mind for so long. My brother did something to me, only the once i think but he never said anything afterwards or tried to explain himself. Think he has probably forgotten about it but i have not. It is in the back of my brain although most of the time i forget about it. Occasionally i remember, like just now he is getting married and said i would be an uncle soon. My immediate thought was for his kids. I love him to bits and i really hope his life will be full of happiness but that one time that i think he went wrong is still with me. Maybe it was just curiosity but for me it was not.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Story From Name Undisclosed137

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Jul 25, 2012
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I can't tell you what was in the mind of your brother when he crossed a line and kissed you. Neither can anyone who visits here. It's possible that he was curious, and then realized after that one time what he was doing was wrong. This might explain why he did it only once. It's unlikely that he's forgotten. It's more likely that he hopes you've forgotten. And it's highly unlikely that if you'd been older that you would have written it off as curiosity. You would be more likely to question even more as an older child or adolescent.

As for the incident, if you responded or found yourself stimulated by that kiss, you may well be questioning whether or not you're gay. Understand that a kiss can be a very sensual experience, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you're gay because of such a response; not that there's anything wrong with being gay. What's more important than your possible sexual preference is how you feel about your Self. Always remember that there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect as you are.

Inappropriate as it was for your brother to cross the line between brothers, it's not uncommon for the person who was sexually touched to have feelings. Notice I'm reluctant to use the term sexual abuse; that's because I don't know enough about the circumstances to call it abuse. Even if you did and still do having feelings that go beyond what is appropriate between brothers, that doesn't mean that you have a preference for the same sex. You may have simply responded to the stimulation in the moment, and that stimulation could have lingered. But if you are questioning, I strongly suggest you seek out some form of counselling in order to help you gain perspective and more understanding about the incident and about how you're now feeling about it.

If you see any signs of possible sexual abuse once your brother's child is born, then you owe it to your nephew or niece to report what you suspect. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Polekat

by Polekat
(United Kingdom)

I was born to an 18 year old mother who hated me from the very first time she saw me. I have been told by nurses who were present at my birth that my mother refused to even look at me and refused to hold me when I was born.

My mummy gave me away to my grandparents when I was just 20 months old. She was fully aware that both my grandparents were paedophiles masquerading as so called satanists. My mother, from hereon known as "the b***h" had already tried to smother me. Only the intervention of my Daddy saved my life.

My Daddy worked as a lorry driver and worked all over the UK, sometimes he would be away from home for weeks at a time. One thing in my mind is completely clear though...... my Daddy never, ever did anything to hurt me.

I was physically, mentally and sexually abused by my both my grandparents and by many others from the age of 20 months to 2 weeks before my 16th birthday.

One that particular day, my grandfather tried to grab my genitals as a first move to forcing me to perform a sexual act with him. Something inside me just snapped......... I lashed out and hit him as hard as I could.

I knocked him unconcious on the kitchen floor. I walked out of the house with just the clothes I was wearing and I made my own life from then on.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Sep 20, 2012
Polekat:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your father may not have done anything to hurt you, and he may have stopped your mother from smothering you, but he didn't step up and be a father when you needed him the most; he let you be given away to your grandparents who were abusers themselves. His work may well have taken him from home for weeks at a time, but he chose his work over the well-being of his child. Understand that he abandoned you too. He could have made different choices. Your mother was clearly mentally ill; that's not an excuse, it's an explanation. She needed to be institutionalized, and you needed people in your life who would love you and treat you with the dignity and respect you deserved. The way your mother felt about you had NOTHING to do with you; it had everything to do with here. There was absolutely nothing wrong with you. Her hatred was self-hatred that she took out on you. If you haven't already, please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the betrayal and abandonment and all the horrific memories. Give your Self the credit you deserve for being so strong, both as a survivor and for the courage it took to say "enough" and then leave the abusive environment. Lean on that inner strength as you walk the path of healing and recovery, but not so much so that it cripples you. We all need help at some point in our lives. There is no shame in asking for that help. I send you love, light and healing energy, Polekat. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 20, 2012
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Polekat, I really hope you're out of that house now (and in a safe place now)...and thank goodness you survived! Your grandparents and your mother are helpless bullies who chose to use your youth and vulnerabilities for their sick, sadistic gratification instead of helping themselves/changing their dysfunctional ways of life. Your life shouldn't have been used as a pawn for their immature, sick misery as well as their ignorant ugliness. As for your dad, well, he could've done more to protect you. Oh, and moving in with those beasts for grandparents is just like entering the lion's den with a bunch of hungry lions in it. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now; if not, please tell someone you really trust.

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Child Abuse Story From Netta

by Netta
(Houston, Texas, USA)

Im a 20 year old female who suffered mental, emotional, and physical abuse at the hands of my father. From the time I was little I was always taught to not step out of line but soon things got worst when my older sister went off to college. I remeber one night my dad, mom , and older brother (who had moved out) were arguing my father came into the room where I was and got a gun from the closet and left when my mother came in the room later on the night when things had calmed down my father came into my room and put the gun to me and said if I were to tell my mother anything again I would be dead and said he was going to pull the trigger. I was also hiding a secret that my older cousin was molesting me this was going on for about 3 years.Also during this time my father became more and more abusive towards me I was being punched beat with a belt for no reason and forced to be starved I was behind mentally due to fact I was not allowed to socialize with peers my age. Since the age of nine i was called degraging names teased about my size and tormented by my diease at the hands of my father. One day I caught a beating for not wearing socks in the house. When I got into high school everyday it seemed that he would pick on me and would physically lash out towards me. He told me that he wished I was dead so he can collect on the life insurance policy. My mother never been there for me everytime an iccident comes up somehow or nothere I get blamed and my father dosent. When I was 16 I was raped by a close friend my parents sided with my rapist and not me. Since then I have tried to commit suicide and was unsecussful I cut myself I was depressed I dont believe my realationship with my parents will ever be mended I have nobody to talk to about it.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Netta

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Aug 07, 2012
Netta:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You didn't deserve to be abused and you certainly didn't deserve not to be believed or supported when it was discovered you were raped. When children grow up in environments like yours they are set up for other forms of abuse; that happens because the child is too afraid to say anything knowing they won't be believed, or worse, will be blamed for the abuse that took place. Now you're left with the residual of two abusive parents, one extremely violent and terrorizing, the other emotionally abusive, neglectful and an enabler. You DO need someone to talk to about what you've endured. Consider a support group in your area. Look at your local listings to see if there is anything available where you live. Do some searches online. The Lamplighter group may be one for you. And please, if you can, seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with the effects of coming from an abusive environment. You deserve that kind of help. And always remember that you are perfect as you are. There is nothing wrong with you. You did nothing wrong. Though it's hard to understand and even believe, what your parents did to you had very little to do with you; it had everything to do with THEM. They are the troubled ones. They are the ones who lashed out and vented on you. An now you're left with the fallout; fallout that CAN be turned around. Make the decision to heal, Netta. Don't let what happened to you control the rest of your life. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 07, 2012
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Netta, your dad is deeply troubled and sadistic. I really hope that you're out of that house now...and thank goodness you survived! He has the mindset that you are to be submissive and obedient at every single cost, so please get out of that house...PLEASE GET OUT NOW!!! Next time he lays a hand on you ever again, please consider calling the cops on him ASAP; children are gifts to treasure and cherish, not to abuse. Oh, and those equally nasty, soul-stripping names that he called you are nothing but lies. As for your mom, shame on her for running away from you instead of protecting you from that beast! As for the so-called friend, you didn't cause that pervert to rape you; that pervert CHOSE to rape you. Anyway, you are not to blame for your "dad"'s sadistic, ignorant behavior nor are you to blame for your mom's behavior; they are to blame; it's not your fault; you didn't cause them to abuse you; they CHOSE to abuse you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now; if not, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Aug 13, 2012
...
by: John (false name)

You are talking to us. Because of that you now have one of the biggest support bases in the world.

What your father is doing is wrong. What your mother is doing is wrong. What your cousin has done is wrong. But most of all, what you are doing is wrong.

WAIT!!!!!

Please don't stop reading. Let me explain. Let me tell you what you are doing wrong. You are blaming yourself. That is wrong.

You have nothing to do with how the others act. You are not responsible for the pain that they inflict.

You should not blame yourself because there is no way that this is your fault. Your actions are right; theirs are wrong. Do not think for even one second that you have anything to do with this.

Aug 28, 2012
Thank you for speaking out
by: John J (not the above guy)

Its difficult reading your story cause ive heard some of the same growing up. First Im truely sorry that you have a story, and it seems like no one defended you and allowed all that you wrote to happened. Im glad your still here and you my friend are a survivor of what should not have happened. I know that you probably blame yourself for what happened, and I know what thats like. You say you were beaten or punched because of not wearing socks. I was once punched in the face by my father for not brushing my teeth, or so he thought i didnt. But it happened and i Blamed myself. Its easier after it became daily. Beaten with belts, brooms sticks, cussed at, told to kill yourself and how to do it. I know the effects of what you went through arent written, probably not seen by everyday people, buts its there. I dont know what im saying, but i know what youve written happened. i know those memories are not over exaggerated. I know that there is a daily struggle within yourself. I hope you keep talking. I hope you find positive ways to overcome what has happened to you. You did NOT deserve what happened. Just remeber You survived and You are resiliant! Thank you for posting.

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Child Abuse Story From Kyle

by Kyle
(London, England)

I've never really told anyone this part of my life, I'm naturally a very private person and to be honest if feel a little ashamed but anyway, here goes.

A bit of background into me, I had a great childhood growing up until January 2008. I was thirteen at the time and we just had this amazing Christmas. So one day I went to stay at my friends house and the next morning when I returned home there was police everywhere. I later found out that there was a gas leak in my house and nobody survived. I was distraught and for months I become even more introverted and kept to myself. All my friends kind of understood in some way so they use to kind of stay with me but we never really talked much about it.

So I was with this foster family a couple of months after and things were ok. Well, not really ok but adequate. I had food and a roof over my head which is more than a lot of people. But my Foster dad wasn't that nice to me. I mean he didn't abuse me but
he used to ignore me and would go out of his way for my step brothers (there was two of them, one was a year older than me and one was two years younger to me). Like he would take them to all these sporting events and to the movies etc. but he always used to leave me at home. He told me that someone had to guard the house incase someone tries to break in. Obviously I was petrified every time they left because they are gone for hours and it was scary being home alone, especially if someone was trying to break in or something. And he didn't tell me what to do, he just said be at home.

Other times, days when we had guest (which is like weekly), I had to spend the whole day cleaning the house while my brothers played video games and my step dad would either cook or sit around drinking bear. He then locked me in my room when the relatives finally came until the next morning. I got bored because my room just has a pillow and blanket on the floor so I sat by the door and listened to what they were talking about. They all seemed so happy, laughing and giggling. The first time this happened one of the people that came over asked my dad where I was and my dad basically lied and said "Ooh, Kyle is a really bad child, sometimes I think I should just get rid of him, he doesn't listen, he fights with his brothers, he fights in school, he steals things, just today he stole a mobile from another kid in school. I locked him in his room to think about what he had done. He is messy, he doesn't ever help clean the house, Z-- and A--- are really good kids, they spent the whole day cleaning bla bla bla" He basically lied, I've never in my entire life stolen anyones anything, nor do I ever fight with my brothers, we barely even talk. And even at school, I go to a private school and If I fought I would get expelled. I hate confrontation and avoid it in every way possible. I was really upset because my foster family would begin to hate me aswell because of all his lies. And he painted my brothers to be princes, but they were useless, they did nothing.

One day my dad let me out, and everyone just stared at me, I think they were even ashamed. I was so embarrassed I just wanted to crawl into the corner somewhere and die. And this family, like the entire family are very high achieving and wealthy, the architects, engineers, accountants of the world. Even my step father, he had this multi-million pound company which a lot of the relatives where part of aswell. So you can kind of imagine how they would look down on someone like me. They literally looked at me as if I was dirt. Fortunately it was just that one time and I just stay in my room now, too this day.

So this one day, on my birthday, I was 15, my step-dad told me that he is taking my two brothers to a theme park and I have to stay home. I practically begged him to take me and considering it was my birthday, I thought I was justified to go this one time. But no, he took my brothers and left me a list of things to do in the meantime ie. clean the kitchen from breakfast and wash the dishes, clean my brothers rooms and mow the garden lawn etc. I basically did everything and around 5pm my friends rang the doorbell. I was really worried now because they had never been to my house. I used to avoid it at all costs because I didn't want them to see me room, they would know something was up because of the emptiness. And its not that my dad can't afford it, he buys all this ridiculously expensive furniture for the house and my brothers but my room literally just has a pillow and a blanket. It doesn't even have a mattress, let alone a bed. I didn't open the door and they left, thinking I was away.

My dad then came homes and was really happy, joking around with my brothers, I was peering out through the window. When he walked in I don't think I have ever seen him so angry. He had this look in his eyes and I had no idea why. I had butterflies in my stomach. My dad walked around and then came back to me, I was still standing by the front door. He told me to close all the windows and blinds and meet him back by the front door. I just assumed that I hadn't read the list properly and did what he told me.

This is the day when everything changed. He pushed me to the corner and repeatedly began punching my face and stomach. It seemed like forever, I couldn't breath. I felt as if I had the life knocked out of me. I fell to the floor and my brother just looked at me. Although shocked, so understandably they couldn't intervene. My dad then started kicking me in the face and stomach. He then dragged me into the kitchen where he cut my hands with a bread knife and then poured hot water onto it. I was screaming in agony at that point, I had no idea what was going on or why. I don't remember much after that, I think I must have just fainted or something.

I woke up the next morning and everything was aching, I looked in the mirror and my face was bruised and still bloody. I tried to leave but he had locked my room door from the outside. For the next two days he left me there. I was starving because he didn't leave any food or water. My younger brother would post little snack bars under the door but I was literally starving. Fortunately I have my own bathroom so I could drink out of the tap, even though it wasn't drinking water.

The next morning I woke to my dad dragging me to the edge of the stairs. He told me I could go downstairs and eat something but I had to then go back to my room. As I was trying to get up he kicked me and I fell down the stairs. They stairs are made out of this sharp marble so it bloody hurt. But he followed me downstairs and continued beating me. He then got a baseball bat and started hitting me with it. I couldn't move my arms after this so I guess he must have fractured them. I was never allowed to see a doctor so I don't actually know.

Since then my dad has just used me as a punching bag to vent his anger. I never do anything, at least I am not aware of it. My brothers don't ever seem to help either, they give me food here and there but otherwise nothing. I think they just block it out because they don't know what to do about it.

When I used to first go to school with my bruised self everyone used to ask me what happened and my dad told my brothers to say I got mugged so they don't suspect anything. I went along with that. I am scared what he might do otherwise.

I am always aching but used to it now aswell so I guess I am good at hiding it. And now my dad only hurts me where I can cover it up so that kind of helps.

I just turned seventeen and to this day my dad still hurts me every day. On weekends its the worst because it goes on for the whole day. He hanges me from this barbed wire rope thing in the basement, (by my hands NOT my neck) and then whips me with this horse leash, or punches me. Sometimes he uses a baseball bat when his hands hurt from punching. He doesn't give me food or water when I scream so I have to try and keep it all in. Sometimes he even tries to throws darts at me, Fortunately he is not very good so misses most of the time. My hands sting all the time. Sometimes its excruciating. They are always red and they never have time to heal.

Thank you for listening to my story. This was REALLY helpful. I have never talked about this to anyone so this actually helped a lot.

Thank you again for listening.

Kyle




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kyle

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Jul 27, 2012
Kyle:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Condolences on the loss of your family in such a terrible accident.

While I'm delighted that it was helpful to write your story here, no one is in a position to be able to help you in the way you need help. You don't deserve to be mistreated. Nothing will change unless and until you tell someone who can do something. And trust me when I tell you that there ARE people out there who suspect child abuse in your case, but perhaps they don't know what to do. As a foster child, there should be a social worker you can contact to disclose what is happening in your environment. You can also contact ChildLine on 0800 1111. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.donthideit.com

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Start by treating your Self with that dignity and respect and love...call the number. I send you love, light and healing energy, Kyle. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 28, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Kyle, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 4 separate comments from this particular commenter because her numerous, oftentimes multiple posts are judgmental and wholly inappropriate, and she just won't stop posting here on this site. This is all I can do to keep you informed, as I cannot block her. I thank you for your understanding. And I send the woman love, light and healing energy.

Jul 28, 2012
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Kyle, first of all, sorry for your loss because I know what it's like to lose someone who really cares about you. Secondly, your foster dad is deeply troubled and sadistic, so he can't be trusted at all. Beating you, scalding you with hot water, breaking your bones with the baseball bat, starving you and even trying to throw darts; children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. You didn't cause him to abuse you; he CHOSE to abuse you. Darlene is right! Please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Jul 29, 2012
Telll someone
by: Anonymous

Hey kyle your step dad is a awful person please kyle tell the police and tell them everything get your dad arrested because he deserves it.Escape you can do it.Don't let this awful abuse occur.You need to live your life not being in fear and have a regular childhood and be happy.PLEASE TELL SOMEONE SO YOU CAN END THIS NIGHTMARE.Key word *your strong

Jul 29, 2012
former cps caseworker
by: ecastro

tell a professional worker such as a teacher or school counselor. teachers are good at reporting abuse. tell them that you will refuse to go back to the home . You are a teenager and they cant physically force you to go back to the home where you can potentially die. He will kill you. He is crazy with a serious menatal disorder. the worst that can happen is that you end up in a shelter for children until they find some other foster home. no matter what they decide to do . physically they cant pick u up and place you there.

Jul 30, 2012
Kyle
by: Anonymous

Please Kyle tell someone, tell a friend or a teacher. I told a friend who then told a teacher. It probably save my life.

Jul 30, 2012
Thank You
by: Kyle

Thank you all for reading my story and caring. I did try and tell a teacher a couple of months back but he didn't believe me. He thought I was lying and seeking attention. It was really hard and I felt terrible afterwards, I don't know whether it was shame or what but I decided its only a little while untill I'm 18 so when that day comes I will run far far away. But untill then, I just want to get through it as soon as possible. And plus work is really busy for my dad right now and he hasn't been home much the last couple of weeks and when he has he is just too tired so things seem better. Thank you for all your advice! I really do appreciate it! You guys are amazing :)

Jul 31, 2012
You have NOTHING to be ashamed of Kyle!
by: From my heart

The teacher should be ashamed to not have listened to you. It pains me so much to read what is happening to you but it pains me even more to hear you accepting it and thinking that you should just wait it out for another year and then run. You should not be going through one more second of this! You don't deserve any of this! You didn't do anything wrong in trying to tell. Please tell until someone believes you! A lot of times when people are told things so unbelievably terrible, they go into denial and don't want to believe it. But you must tell until someone believes you and helps you. There ARE people out there who will believe you! For example the people at ChildLine whose number Darlene gave you...

A terrible crime is being done to you every day; even though since it's been going on for so long it might feel like it's somehow okay - it's not. It's really, really, not... You have a right to stand up for yourself Kyle! No bed? Regular torture sessions? You're not the bad one in this. It's not right! You did not deserve four years of emotional abuse and neglect or two years of physical abuse and pure torture - and you surely don't deserve one more :'(
Please try to get help in getting yourself away from further harm... "not that bad" in your case in still completely unacceptable and criminal. I'm so sorry for all the pain and cruelty you've had to deal with in your life, and I deeply hope you'll be safe and able to be happy as soon as conceivably possible...

You'll be in my thoughts

Aug 03, 2012
Some aren't fit to live
by: Anonymous

My soul weeps for you. Why would anyone treat a human being like that? Please use all of your strength and not let him win. Don't you dare let this vile thing determine your worth. Ever. I don't know you but I wish I could find this POS...

Aug 06, 2012
I wish you the best.
by: Nikki

I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. Please stay strong and get help. From anyone! I wish you good luck and I hope you stay safe in every single way possible! I send you all of my support!

Aug 07, 2012
Please..
by: Ella

First off I would like to give my condolences for the loss of your family. Kyle, after reading your story I feel heartbroken. That man has no right to do these things to you and I know you told someone but just because that one person didn’t listen it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. Keep telling him or another teacher. Kyle, your childhood was/is tainted with pain and fear and that is something that no child should go through the things you are going through. Even if he doesn’t beat you now it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t tell someone. He needs to be behind bars where he can’t hurt you or anyone else anymore. Please take our advice and speak up. Please don’t wait until your 18 because you don’t know what will happen during that wait. ANYTHING could happen. Just PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell someone and get that man put away for causing you so much pain. PLEASE. And if you still want to wait until your 18 so you can leave then just promise to be careful and stay clear of him. I still advise you tell someone or call the police but it’s your choice Kyle. No one can decide but you.

Aug 19, 2012
i'm so sorry
by: Tim L.

My heart goes out to you, Kyle. It's horrible and inhuman that this person would take in a boy who had just lost everything only to degrade, use, and abuse you for his own convenience. He should be in jail, and not allowed to be around children period, let alone foster kids with no family and resources to back them up. You deserve to have a loving home, where you are accepted, included, and given safety, love, and security.

I also urge you to tell someone else. Your life may be in danger the longer you stay there. Meanwhile, the foster system can still give you another place to live for the rest of high school. They're very accustomed to moving kids around when something doesn't work out. I wish you well going forward into the future.

Nov 07, 2012
Please Tell Someone and Leave
by: Anonymous

Kyle, your dad physically hurting you IS NOT NORMAL. Please do not ever think that. What he is doing to you is wrong. Please tell the cops or the media/reporters. Look online for phone numbers of a t.v. network you can call. Please don't stay with your dad anymore. He is evil! Please go away and leave. I want to help you and protect you but I can't. Please listen and tell the cops or the media as soon as you can. Please search for phone numbers at your school library. Once other people know what he is doing to you in closed doors, they will help you. But no one will help you if you don't expose what your dad is doing to you. Don't just take all his beatings. He is abusing you and THAT IS NOT RIGHT! You are better off somewhere else, not at his house. God bless you, Kyle. Please, please, please listen to me. I am a mother of 3. My heart bleeds for you. If I was your mother, she would tell you to tell a cop, a teacher, a friend's parent, a t.v. station, a reporter, or a neighbor. Don't wait until you're 18. it will only get worst. Please, Kyle. Do not give him a chance to hurt you again. Tell someone and leave.

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Child Abuse Story From Tina P

by Tina P
(USA)

My grandpa had sexually abused from age 6 till I was in my twenties.I would be in my bedroom and when I heard someone coming up the stairs I knew it was my grandpa.He would motion to me to come into the bathroom with him.He told me to lay on the bathroom floor.I did and then he took off my clothes.He would lick me all over my body including between my legs.He would shove his finger inside me.Once he shoved a toothbrush there.My grandpa made me suck on his penis and then raped me.I was so scared.I was a 6 year old child that got so frightened everytime I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs.I knew it was him everytime.When it went on for years till I was in my twenties I thought it was normal.I never knew it was wrong.I do know that it's wrong now.Finally I said to my sister that if my grandpa had ever done anything to her and she really didn't say anything.So she took me over to my parents to wait for them to come back from Ohio.I sat at the table with all 5 of my sisters.I told them what my grandpa had done and they all had said that it happened to them also.I had no clue that my sisters were abused.When my parents came home we told them what our grandpa had done to us.My mom sat there and cried.She apologized and got a hold of the police.I am 43 years old now and I am still having problems dealing with what happened.Other than my grandpa there has been other sexual abuse that happened to me as an adult.I will be going into this sexual abuse group to help me deal with all the abuse that has happened to me.Thanks for letting me share my story on abuse.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

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Aug 28, 2012
Tina:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm so proud of you for speaking up about it and sharing with your sisters. But whatever you do, do not blame your Self. Blame, shame and guilt are squarely on the shoulders of your grandpa and your other abusers. It's not unusual for a person who has been sexually abused from toddlerhood to continue to be abused by the same person well into adulthood. This happens for a multitude of reasons, one of which is the dynamic present between the victim and the abused; another is fear; another is lack of knowledge/education. I'm delighted that you are planning on joining a sexual abuse group to help you with healing. If you need more, consider seeking out some form of individual counselling or therapy in order to help you deal with all the repercussions. You didn't deserve to be abused, Trina. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 10, 2012
You are Brave
by: Anonymous

Tina,
I just read your story tonight and I wanted to say that you are brave and I'm so glad that you spoke up. I too was sexually abused by my brothers and sister so can relate to your story. I will be praying for your continued recovery and healing.

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Child Abuse Story From Faith M

by Faith M
(New York, USA)

7 years so far: 
I was born to a happy normal family. We'd laugh play and it was the one of the happiest times of my life. But it all started when I was four when my mom and dad started fighting. At first it was nothing much. The fights became regular as they got worse and worse. I have this memory vivid memory is of my mom throwing things at my dad over take out! TAKE OUT FOOD! At age five I was targeted at first it wasn't so bad. But it got worse much much worse. In second grade was when it was at its very worst. One time my mom was yelling at me for some reason. She threw a water bottle at me missed and said:
"I've been your slave now your my slave! Pick it up!"
It was then in second grade that I gained twenty pounds lost my catholic faith and wanted to kill myself. The fights got worse! My mom always blamed me for any problems she had with my dad. It was always my fault. So I tried strangling myself and gave up. Than smothering and gave up. Even though I didn't believe in god I prayed every night to die in my sleep. Every now and then things would get better and I'd get false hope. I'd think maybe she'd really changed. But than I would get blamed for something and it would start again. In forth grade I was in this play. I'd gotten the lead of Gabriella Montez! I'd been acting all of my life but I never got a lead! The show was double casted. That means in one show I was Gabriella and in the other show it was another girl. I'd already done my show but it still meant alot to me so I was going to do it as ensemble. I made a lie to keep peace in the family but it did the opposite. I wasn't allowed to go to the show over that one little thing that hardly mattered! It wasn't like my mom cared that she was destroying my friendships. I lost friendships that I can't get back still! In fifth grade I got really sick of my moms unfairness and I started standing up for myself. I have to let her know that it is not okay to treat kids this way! I'm 11 and going in to sixth grade. I don't know what will happen and I'm always nervouse the emotional abuse will continue. And thanks to this site I have a name for what I'm going through! So just wish me luck in middle school. Maybe things will be different.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Faith M

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Sep 06, 2012
Faith:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You don't deserve to be mistreated. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Your mother is deeply troubled and seems to be taking it out on you. That doesn't make you bad or even to blame. You are not to blame. What's happening in your environment is not your fault. Always remember that. There are people out there who want to help, but you need to reach out for that help. I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You're a really good person, Faith. A good person who needs help. Call the number to get some help. Don't wait for it to be 8 years. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 06, 2012
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Faith, your mom is deeply troubled. It's not your fault that she hurt you; you are important; you are lovable. You didn't cause her to abuse you; she CHOSE to abuse you. Oh, and as for suicide, say "no" to suicide because it's just more of a permanent mistake to most temporary problems; committing one will only let her win, so don't do it. You are not to blame; she is to blame because, again, she chose to abuse you. If she ever abuses you again, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Sep 06, 2012
Good Luck
by: Anonymous

Just wanted to wish you good luck. Stay strong Faith, and you'll pull through. Please consider getting help for yourself, and remember suicide is never the answer. We're all pulling for you.

Oct 12, 2012
I did it!
by: Faith M.

I called the hotline today I know it took me a while to do but I did! I feel a lot better now. And my dad lately has been sticking up for my mom a bit but they said to talk to him about it and I need to explain what I'm going through. It was wonderful advice thank you so much I really think things will be getting better now! Thank you.

From Darlene - Webmaster: Wonderful, Faith! Thank you for the update. Keep taking care of your Self, and never be afraid to reach out for the help you need. Love, light and healing energy to you.

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Child Abuse Story From Faith M Part 2

by Faith M
(New York, USA)

Thank you for what you've done: 
I called this thank you for what you've done because I'm the victim of emotional abuse! Thanks to you I have a name for what has happened and is happening to me. I'm still a child living with my parents so this is top secret! I wanted to get my story out there (posted yesterday). In fifth grade I started to take a stand. I was getting sick of my mom and her unfairness. I know that there isn't much of a point because I can't win but it's still worth a try. I am going into sixth grade this year. I don't know what will happen and not only is a new school scary I have to worry about my home life. I'm moving out when I am 18. I want to start a foundation for child abuse victims and I want to be a Broadway actress. I hope things will get better and I believe that one day they will.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Faith M Part 2

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Sep 07, 2012
Faith:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm always delighted when visitors share that my site has been helpful in some way. Recognizing that abuse isn't your fault can be very liberating. I am concerned about you fighting back, though I understand that you would. I fought back when I had no power as a child being abused; it cost me dearly. Parents have far more rights than children. Parents can make choices for you that could make things even worse: like sending you to a detention centre. As I stated in my comments to your story posted yesterday, please consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You deserve that kind of help, Faith. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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