All Too Familiar

by David

I was pleased at first to find this page, and comforted by the realisation that I am far from alone, but after reading the posts I was sickened, and aware that many have suffered more than I have.

I have been tormented by my spanking fetish all my life, frequently wondering why I can't just accept it. My mother was bi-polar, and would, on occasions, lose control, and chase me through the house, a cane in her hand, and in a rage. Whatever I'd done wrong needed dealing with, obviously, but it took me years to realise that this way was simply physical abuse.

I've had a lot if counselling, which has helped, but the fetish is as hard to deal with as it ever was. Despite this I have much in my life to be thankful for, however, there have been times when death felt like the only way out of this struggle with my sexuality.

Thanks for creating this page, it IS very helpful finding people who feel like I do.

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Comments for All Too Familiar

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Feb 10, 2015
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You certainly are not alone. And while I understand that knowing this can be comforting, I also understand how it can be so very disturbing. After all, there are just so many who are suffering.

You've likely heard the saying, "What we resist persists." That applies to shame as well. For whatever reason, you have a spanking fetish. It is highly likely that came about as a result of what you endured at the hands of your misguided mother. Parents don't accept, even today, that when they spank their children, they not only set them up for future abuse and a host of other long term problems, they ALSO run the risk of creating a sexual desire that is tied into shame. Sexual arousal is very close to what we experience as children when we are about to be punished in a physical way. That area of the body holds so many nerve endings, and they are directly tied into sexual feelings. It's not at all unusual for spankings to create sexual desire. This happens a great deal more than parents care to acknowledge. Parents who are hell-bent on spanking for discipline refuse to accept this as a very real possibility.

So where does that leave the now-adult child who wants to get rid of those sexual desires? Confused and in some cases, tormented.

An urge to be spanked doesn't have to be riddled with shame. When it is, it's because the person is still harbouring a great deal of shame over the punishment received as a child. The trick is to deal with the shame (humiliation, etc) associated with what happened as a child.

David, your sexuality--that is, your desire to be spanked--doesn't have to be shame-filled. When you truly deal with what your mother did to you and the emotions that were triggered as a result, you may be able to see your sexual urge in a more positive light. But if you hold judgement over those urges, the shame will never be released.

I send you love, light and healing energy, David. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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