Abused by Three Men

by Layla

I was molested between the age of 3-10, several times by three different people. I'm 24 years old, but It still haunts me. Every time I go through some emotional problem, my entire childhood trauma comes in front of my eyes. my mother tried her best to take care of us single-handedly... but maybe a father could've protected me from this...

I can hardly remember when it started. But I'm sure it was before the age of 4 because my younger sibling wasn't born at that time. Bob (not his real name), he was son of a family friend. Young man, he lived near our house so my mother will often take us there.., He'll carry me around like a baby because I was just 3 years old! I don't even remember most of it.. all I can't forget is that he'd take me upstairs because I wanted to pee, He helped me peeing because It was too high to go by myself... I thought he was helping me... until he starting touching me.. not just touching me down there.. He touched some things to my genitals, whatever you find in the toilet.. tweezers, other end of the toothbrush.. he'd just poke me there and I didn't know what was going on. but I can still see the picture of him touching things to me.. then he held me again kissed me and took me downstairs to play.. then he did it again on different occasions... once he shoved a little stick inside my anus, I still remember how much that hurt me.. and he continued to do this.. he'd touch his penis on my anus. And it hurt a lot.. I hated it. but he'd kiss me and play with me. I didn't know I felt, I was just three years old!! It ended when we had to move to another place.

Then when I was around 7, there was this guy who worked in the building nearby, poor middle aged man. he helped mom to paint the house, so my mother would give him lunch every now and then... and she was always busy with the chores so, I would take it to him when he sits in the living room every time mom was doing laundry or taking care of my baby siblings. He'll eat and make me sit with him. on his leg. and one hand on the juice he's drinking and the other hand on my panty... putting his finger firmly inside me.. It wasn't new to me... so I'd just sit there and he kept doing it.. every time he would come. and it was a lot of times... I was used to of staying silent.

At age 9, Then our new neighbour. Old man with grey hair moved here with his wife and children age 16-20. to us he was Like a grandfather. He'd babysit us if my mom had to go somewhere urgent with his wife. We'd play and have fun. until one day my siblings were upstairs with his children. I was going to join them but he stopped me and made me sit in his lap and started talking. I missed my father and I thought of him as a protecting figure. so I stayed and talked. he hugged me tight and he made sit tightly on his penis. he put his hand on the front of my panty and touching me... again it was not a new feeling to me, but then I found him opening the zipper from the back of my frock... ok I knew by the time that undressing me was wrong. so i resisted, he put one hand on my face and put took down my panty and put his penis on my anus. I was trying to run away but I gave up and he kept a hand covering my mouth. His big strong hand. I think I stopped resisting once I know I cant do anything, He did what he had to do.. I looked at him with hatred. pure Hatred. he kissed me sqeezing my cheeks , bit my lip. and smiled. I didn't even know what Molesting was. and When I found out I figured that I was a victim.

I recently started looking this up online and found out about this affecting relationships in adulthood. but I've been with people I knew were bad guys. and often ended up being badly hurt.

I Still remember all this. often when I am sad. I get suicidal thoughts often. Sometimes when I think of it I can actually feel pain in my body where these people touched me and All I feel Is anger, pain and Hatred.

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Comments for Abused by Three Men

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Mar 10, 2015
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's not at all unusual to "feel" pain in the parts of your body that were abused as a child. When there's a strong emotional connection to what was happening in the moment, the body remembers. It's actually called "body memory". So of course, when this happens, you'll have the same of similar emotional reaction as you did when it was actually happening. And sometimes it's difficult to know what comes first, the memory, the emotions or the body pain. But that's not as important as what you're feeling in the moment. And what you're feeling in the moment will have a direct impact on how your body responds. We know that the body does not know the difference between an actual event taking place or the memory of one. That in and of itself can have a tremendous affect on your health. That's why it's so important to be open to healing. Anger and hostility is so understandable, and such feelings and emotions need to be processed. If they don't get process and eventually released, they will consume you. And what that ultimately means is that the abusers end up continuing to control you. And THAT would be a shame.

You have so much to offer the world, Layla. What these despicable men did to you does not represent the whole world of men. Just some. You must find a healing modality that helps you to deal with your pain so that it can be released, so that you can find yourself, and within finding yourself, make healthy choices for yourself. That does take time. But you're worth it. Those abusers don't deserve to have one more moment of your life, either in vile memories or in fear/anger/hostility. You deserve healing. You deserve to live your life in full potential. And the world deserves you in a way that will make a difference. You survived the worst of it. Layla. You survived when others were in control. And now it's time to take back control of your life. I KNOW you can do that.

I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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