Abuse to Success

by Kortney
(Florida, USA)

It all starts when I was just a kid and my grandparents became ill and unable to take care of me. I was verbally and emotionally abused by my grandmother. I was told I was all of these horrible things for a couple years. Then, I watched my grandfather die in front of me one afternoon right before my 14th birthday. He was the only thing right in my life at that time. I thought life couldn't get any worse.

For another 4 years, I lived through even worse abuse and neglect. Most of my mother's brothers and sisters stepped up to help my grandmother. Instead of helping, they just took her money. I was physically, emotionally, and verbally abused. I was starved and shut out time and time again.

When I was 16-17, I was abandoned by these people. They moved to the other side of the country and left me behind. The abuse seemed over until it started from someone I thought was a friend. It was the same thing over and over. All of this abuse on top of purposely not being fed and being locked out at night.

I managed to graduate high school at 17. College was on my mind but I didn't know how to get there. I had no one and nothing. I had only applied to one school which I was accepted to. However, I didn't think I was going to go because of my situation.

When I was on my way to work one day, I was stopped by another friend's parents. In a couple of minutes, my life was changed. I finally was going to get a break. They went to the school that accepted me and put things in motion to get me to college. During this time, these strangers became my family.

I am currently very successful in college and close to achieving my Bachelors in Social Work. The very same people that helped me get here, are still very close to me. I am working toward a very bright future.

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Comments for Abuse to Success

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Feb 04, 2016
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

We all need people in our lives to help us. People who are supportive and caring. And it's even more needed when we come from terrible abuse. We look for it, and are often abused even further because of our vulnerability. The fact that you were able to trust these people, and they followed through with that trust by treating you with the dignity, respect and love you deserve(d) is heartwarming. Keep up with your success, Kortney. Keep making choices in your life that are healthy. And don't forget that your own healing is imperative as you do what you can to encourage the healing of others in your chosen line of work. Having a new loving family to lean on during your time of need is important. You may need them even more as you move through your various ages and stages, and as you carry on in your professional life. Do good things for others, but remember to do good things for your Self too.

I send you love, light and healing energy, Kortney. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 16, 2016
how to heal emotional abuse and neglect
by: Anonymous

what about a man who is suffering till the moment chronic self blame ,feeling like a failure, his ultimate hope is to die immediately
he is my neighbor he is not actually a failure but even clever in times
In his early childhood he suffered emotional abuse and neglect because he was a child of a depressed mother
how you can help him what he can do

Oct 25, 2016
Reply to Anonymous Above Me
by: Anonymous

I am deeply saddened reading the above post, but perhaps I may be of some help. I was a victim of child abuse for 16 years. Not long ago, I was struggling with many self hatred thoughts like your friend and almost lost hope. I went to see my counselor the next day. Luckily, I have been in counseling for a year. It has been incredibly helpful to my recovery. I struggle often because I have symptoms of PTSD. There have been many times I’ve been compelled to give up, but something inside of me doesn’t want to give up. I am learning to be nice to myself and take one day at a time, even one hour at a time on my bad days. I celebrate my successes, no matter how small and I try very hard to not be hard on myself when I make mistakes. It is incredibly challenging, but it's not something to be done alone. I think a support system is needed. I realized in my case, those self loathing thoughts were part of the emotional abuse my parents inflicted on me as a child and I had unfortunately believed those words. To combat the issue, I have been doing some exercises such as describing myself in more positive terms. Instead of telling myself "You are a loser", I now repeat over and over "You are not a loser. You are great." Slowly, I am learning to believe in myself. Maybe your friend can try something like that.
I have come into the light and it is my faith that keeps me going. I recognize I do not have to be chained to my past and have hope for a future. It is a miracle that I'm still here. I think my struggles have developed my resilience. I am on my way to earning a degree, something I never thought I could accomplish. and I hope to learn more joys in life.
Through therapy, I have chosen to work on the process of forgiveness so i can be at peace and to let go of past hurts. It is a process. It is an uphill climb. I get triggered often and have random bouts of grief and feel helpless. Sometimes I am very very angry about what happened. Other times, I remind myself my mother was severely mentally ill and thus incapable of caring for children.
There is hope! Stay strong! There is light at the end of the tunnel. For me learning self compassion was very helpful to recovery. It may be something to consider.
Please let your friend know there is help outside. If counseling isn't available, talking to friends or family also helps. Please encourage your friend to get help, ether through a hotline, support, or counseling.

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