A Black Hole

by Tia
(Maryland, USA)

It started when I was around 13. I didn't have my mom growing up so I was always angry. Always fighting and getting into trouble. When my uncle came home from jail he started showing me attention that I never knew was possible. He used to drink and smoke real heavy. Whenever he would get like that he would change. He started touching me and I didn't know how to react. He told me I was going to be his one day and I just laughed and blamed it on the weed and beer.

When I turned 15 he started to get real persistent. I had to let him feel on me and even when I said no he would keep asking and sometimes even degrade me. I felt like since he was the only one in my corner I had to let him do these things to me. I didn't want to but I was afraid to say No.

When I turned 16 I liked how it made my body feel. I thought since my body reacted that meant I wanted it. It's like I was screaming on the inside to make it stop but I felt like I couldn't. Now I'm 17 and I'm going through the whole trial and court process and some days I can't even get out of bed. My therapist says I'm suffering from depression and PTSD. I just want to crawl inside of a Black Hole and never come out. I feel so nasty and disgusting. My therapist is helping me well but it will take much more time for me to get it out of my mind.

Sincerely,
Tia