A Black Hole

by Tia
(Maryland, USA)

It started when I was around 13. I didn't have my mom growing up so I was always angry. Always fighting and getting into trouble. When my uncle came home from jail he started showing me attention that I never knew was possible. He used to drink and smoke real heavy. Whenever he would get like that he would change. He started touching me and I didn't know how to react. He told me I was going to be his one day and I just laughed and blamed it on the weed and beer.


When I turned 15 he started to get real persistent. I had to let him feel on me and even when I said no he would keep asking and sometimes even degrade me. I felt like since he was the only one in my corner I had to let him do these things to me. I didn't want to but I was afraid to say No.

When I turned 16 I liked how it made my body feel. I thought since my body reacted that meant I wanted it. It's like I was screaming on the inside to make it stop but I felt like I couldn't. Now I'm 17 and I'm going through the whole trial and court process and some days I can't even get out of bed. My therapist says I'm suffering from depression and PTSD. I just want to crawl inside of a Black Hole and never come out. I feel so nasty and disgusting. My therapist is helping me well but it will take much more time for me to get it out of my mind.

Sincerely,
Tia

Comments for A Black Hole

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Apr 11, 2017
To Tia:
by: Darlene - Webmaster

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, Tia.

The way you're feeling is very common among survivors. But know that just because you enjoyed how it felt (sexual stimulation DOES feel good) will never mean you invited it or wanted the abuse to continue.

I send you love and continued healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 12, 2017
black hole revisited
by: Anonymous

When Black holes were first hypothesized, I used to watch my father. He thought I was a black hole. He could not deal with me. I was sexualized by the time I was seven and acted out sexually with my brother, a little arab boy visiting his family in our town and with little girl friends. by the time I was thirteen I had five different sexual partners. It only got worst as I got older.

I dont know what to tell you about feeling like a black hole. I watch science, astronomy shows to find out more about REAL black holes. But I understand what you mean by feeling like a black hole and wanting to hide....
There is LOVE Tia in this life and as the Bible says love for your parents covers a lot of sins. And it IS sinful to be molested - Other peoples sins... I get that you felt good feeling sexual. Ii have been told by a priest that I am 'addicted to orgasm'. It shocked me at first to hear that, but it is the truth. And it started so young..
Best wishes and please be at peace....

Apr 12, 2017
My thoughts go out to you
by: Anonymous

I have just read your blog,and my thoughts go out to you,i also have been wrote blog on here called justice was done and can relate to you,some days i am ok some days are dark,you sound very strong you keep going as there is always light at the end off the tunnel.

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