Comments for Words From a Child Abuser

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Jan 10, 2012
Sara:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I commend and applaud your honesty, the fact that you turned yourself in, and that you are working very hard to clean up and make amends to your children. I do hope your son is in some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with the repercussions of the abuse. You're right when you say you changed who your son is that night...from what you describe, all your children are changed as a result of what they witnessed and experienced even before that night in September 2010. The physical injuries have taken their toll (and your son could ultimately have a long-term brain injury as a result of that night), but it's the emotional injuries that have left the deepest and longest lasting scars. Your children all have much healing to do, in part because they believe they are the ones to blame.

As a society we do have to focus on the issues underlying abuse if we have any hope of at the very least putting a dent in it. And while I understand how you feel about not being able to reach out for help even before you got to the place you did in September 2010, what typically stops people is the fear that they will have their children removed and that there may be other personal consequences. Parents and society must always act in the best interest of the children, in other words, from a place of LOVE, not fear. Thank you for your honesty, and for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you and your children love, light and positive energy, Sara.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jan 10, 2012
I am Sorry
by: Carrie

Hello,

I had to say, I am sorry, for what happened to your children, but also for what happened to you. Something must have happened to drive you to drink. I also have to say thank you, because you don't know how much I wish my parents would recognize what they have done to me and work on themselves. Even an apology would go a long way with me...I am not saying it would solve everything but boy would it help. Instead my parents blame me. Thank you for not blaming your children, although, they will never forget what happened, I do believe what will stand out in their mind more, is that you are willing to take the responsibly for your actions and get help, you are willing to change, and that is admirable, because I think worse than the abuse, is my parents making it my fault, and you are not doing that. All the best to you and your children. Also thank you for being brave enough to tell your side of the story on here. It is a learning experience hearing from that side.

Apr 30, 2012
I agree
by: Anonymous

Alcohol is horrible. And when my father abused me, he was (almost) always drunk. This is why I despise alcohol. I am now a mother and am trying very hard to not copy what my father did. It's hard, because violence is ingrained in me. I hate it. I've gone to therapy but I feel like I'll never get rid of this anger. Good luck to you.

May 03, 2012
Thank You for Owning Your Actions
by: Joey

Sara:
I want you to know that although your children are probably mad at and scared of you right now, they WILL get to the place where they know that they still love you. Your abuse wasn't intentional. My Fathers was, and was continuous over a long period of time. But I still love him. And it took a while to get past my own pain and anger to that realization. Your kids still love their Mom. Show them that you love them back. Be there for them emotionally. Hold their hands. Hug them. But mostly let them express their selves emotionally. If they feel mad at you or scared or ANY thing, let them express it. That is the only way they are going to understand what they feel, which is the first step toward healing. Be patient. When they ask you why (and eventually they will), be as honest and up front with them as you are being with us. They, like us, will respect you for it.Thank you for owning your actions, that was very brave. You really are a good person. Don't feel too ashamed to love your self also.

From Darlene - Webmaster:Joey, you've been providing wonderful comments to visitors who contribute to this site; and that can make a huge difference to people who come here. I must ask that you use only your first name when commenting, as I have a strict policy that ensures not only privacy, but also safety to all who visit. I thank you for your understanding, and I hope you'll keep up with your supportive comments.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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