Talking to a professional . . . by: Darlene Barriere - webmaster
Before I say anything else, Kayla, I must pass along my deepest condolences over the loss of your son. No mother should ever have to deal with what you are dealing with. The system certainly failed you and your son.
You asked about a four-year-old talking to a professional. I gather you are referring to your daughter.
Kayla, you cannot force a child to disclose anything, whether it is to a counsellor, a social worker, or anyone else, professional or otherwise. Children disclose if and when they feel safe, if and when they remember (some block out the incidents as a coping mechanism), if and when they can tolerate the emotional pain and trauma. Most children NEVER disclose.
Children grieve and cope differently than adults do. They may appear to be doing fine, but because they cannot articulate their feelings, they have moments where they may lash out in anger, cry for no apparent reason, or suddenly regress. It can be psychological, behavioural or physical regression: thumb-sucking and using "baby-talk" when the child has long past those stages, or the child can suddenly be waking in the night because of night terrors. Bedwetting and the loss of bowel control are also not uncommon in these situations. Any type of regressive behaviour, any significant changes in sleeping and/or eating patterns, or changes in their personality or temperament are all signs that show they may not being coping well and need some type of professional help.
If you decide to take your daughter to a professional, I recommend someone who has experience working with young children, someone who specializes in child abuse cases. Regardless of your decision, you need to be strong for your daughter. And in order to be strong for her, you need to find help for yourself. I strong urge you to seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with your abusive past, as well as the guilt you are facing, Kayla. Both you and your daughter deserve that.
In every city in America. The police have an abuse advocate center that offers free counseling to children affect by abuse and their family members. I don't know if you have seaked help your self. But it is out there for you and you Daughter. I don't know your whole story. But the best way to heal and prevent being a repeater of abuse is to get educated in abuse and proper child disciplines. Also understanding what Corporal punishment is and why it never works. Understanding human psych when it comes to disciplines. You and your Daughter will be better prepared for the future children in your lives.
