Why would my mother beat only me?

by Name Withheld
(Location Withheld)

This is a case where a male in a large family was the only one of the children who was beaten repeatedly by his mother, one time, even in an area where he was injured. This adult male was still haunted by these incidents of abuse and experienced physical symptoms whenever he recalled these incidents. As a boy, he had a strong resemblance to his maternal grandfather, a man that was supposedly revered by this boy's mother. The question that arose: Did his mother pick on him because he reminded her of her then-deceased father, whom she adored?

Darlene initial reply: First of all, you must understand, it was NOTHING about you. You were perfect exactly as you were. Period. End of story. No question about it.

Secondly, what I am about to say is only a possible explanation; I offer no excuses here.

I'm not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, but I will offer the benefit of my experience. It's unlikely your mother would turn on you when you were a child because of a positive relationship with her father. It's far more likely something insidious had gone on. Remember, I offer no excuses for her repugnant behaviour and treatment of you. I offer only possible explanations. And even with my suspicions about the true nature of the relationship and dynamic between your mother and her father—which, by the way, she might not have even remembered; she may have only had deep angry feelings surfacing, without the benefit of recall—the explanation will most likely still leave you with unanswered questions. This is because there are NO valid reasons for the abuse you suffered at the hands of your obviously disturbed mother.

It is not at all uncommon for abuse victims to say wonderful things about their abusers and claim love and devotion to them. Victims of abuse OFTEN protect their abusers, even well into adulthood. We'll never know for certain if your mother was molested by her father, or indeed someone else which could have triggered feelings of anger and betrayal toward her father for not protecting her, which in turn could have been transferred onto you. There are so many convoluted possibilities, way to many to go into within the limited space of this page.

I recommend you read through my various sexual abuse, sexual victims, and sex offender pages. You'll find them listed on my navigation bar on the left margin of this page. Reading through those pages might give you a better understanding of the twisted dynamic between a victim and her/his abuser.

But regardless of the reasons that your mother treated you with such contempt, if there is any hope in moving on, you cannot keep giving up your power to her. You must take back that power. To continue to allow your mother to affect you physically is to continue to allow what she did to you control your life. You are worth so much more than that: you were then as a child; you are now as an adult.

Please consider some form of counselling to help you through the emotional residue. There is no shame in asking for help. You are definitely worth it.

Remainder of my comments to this Ask Darlene question "Why would my mother beat only me?" are at the last link below.

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