Uncertain existence of a toddler
by Hayley Barber
(Birmingham)
I am the proud and delighted auntie to a seven year old little girl, a two year old little girl and a 6 year old little boy, albeit in the case of my nephew I am more a step auntie. All of whom I totally adore. Unfortunately due to the very wide circle of friends my brother and sister in law have they never seem to be in one place at anyone time over the weekends. It's pretty obvious that they love R. my youngest niece, (then again who wouldn't?!) but due to their active weekends I am worried that all the love they give to R. she never seems to have any sort of routine. At two years old, most kids have a routine that they are well and truly settled into and that is that. This beautiful little girl however just doesn't have that luxury.
I don't begrudge them their lifestyle, but I do wish that they would find some R. time. Sit and read to her, sit and play games with her. Let her know that bed time is sleepy time. Tea, bath/wash. bed time story and sleep. Last weekend I was away at a hockey tournament and it was my second cousin's christening. The whole family descended on my parents for the weekend, big bro, sister in law, step nephew and confused but wonderful niece. She was so tired on the friday night she slept well. Saturday however was a different story. My mum had given my niece my bed and my favourite bed linen, Beatrix Potter but my dear brother had other ideas, put littlun's bed clothes on top of it and let her use that. Kind of a kick in the teeth for my mum who had made the effort to put the bed linen on ready. Poor R. had her dinner, been really good over the course of the day, including holding a conversation with me on the phone that morning. Even picked some strawberries with her dad and eaten her meals. However at bed time things fell apart. She had been taken upstairs to watch the Princesas and the Frog, undressed ready for bed but whenever it finished she screamed the place down for it to be put on again, and again and again.
This is the bit that really worries me. Rather than go up and tell her it is time to go to sleep, they rewound the tape and let her watch it again and again. When she finally did go to sleep, it was ok til about 4am. Then it was screaming the place down until my brother got up to get her something to eat, banging the place about as he did so. In the end he just yelled at her to "Get your arse back into bed". She ran about at meal times rather than eat her dinner, hence it took her a while to eat her food and she just screamed her little lungs out when she didn't want to go to sleep.
Her mum works in the day so doesn't get to see her a great deal. I just wish my bro would sit and read her a story, play a game of snap with her or something that would stimulate her. Instead it's just sit her in front of the telly watching "In the night garden" and leave her to her own devices. The poor girl has no real routine so she just screams and yells to get some recognition. It gets that alright, namely in the style of "Calm down" or "Pack it in". It drives me mad to her of her getting that when all she craves is for someone to sit and spend some time with her. Apparently the neighbours have already had the authorities around to speak to them because all the poor girl does is scream. Despite what he did to me I don't think my bro is actively hurting R. But I do think he is hurting her by not spending any time with her. When I do get to go up, I give her time. The entire wedding day she was on my lap, from the minute she had had a toddle round the block to the minute she got back, she lay on the settee with my arm around her, then she sat on my lap. That was it, I didn't care about the rather numb legs and sore arms, all I cared about was the beautiful little girl I was cuddling and had sat on my lap for the ceremony, the journey to and from the venue and then the time when we were back at the family home. At the reception about a month later, she played up until someone spent some time with her. Myself and my mum nearly came to blows over who was going to treat her. My mum bought her a comic to read and I bought her some chocolate buttons. The real treat though was sitting and reading to R. and giving her some time to just be a child that was acknowledged and let her know she is loved and adored.
One thing that really did concern my though was that when littlun needed her nappy changed, it was my turn to do the job, fair dos, I'm her auntie so I don't mind. She howled the place down though and did not want it done. I gave her some control, let her have her way and got the job done, so I could take her back down to the party. I know she didn't want to have her nappy changed, unless it was the fact that she was having so much fun on the trampoline that she didn't want to be taken away from it. But the screams were pretty loud. Why would a kid nearly 2yrs old as she was then be so upset at the prospect of having her nappy changed?
I hope it was innocent, but to R. it seemed like it was the end of the world. It's not hard to see that they love that little girl to bits, but I just can't help there's something going on when my sister in law is at work. am I just being paranoid or is there something to worry about, bearing in mind apparently R. screams like she's getting strangled?
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